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She says she wants to move on but I don't think she really does


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This is the text she sent me-

 

You know how I'm not really the type to open up. I'm about to spill all my emotions & they're not good ones. Give me time to explain & don't take anything the wrong way. I'm new to this and it might take me a while to say what I want to say without sounding like a bitch. Please feel free to ask me any questions regarding my feelings & anything else because this may be the last time I open up like this.

 

You are such an amazing guy. Like wow, this part is gonna be the hardest to explain because I can't physically put into words how perfect you are. I don't know about you but I think that date was the most beautiful thing I have ever done. I have never ever been treated so well in my life. (Someone once took me on a date, fell asleep & dropped me off at the bus stop at night time to find my own way home) ? you barely know me that well & you already treat me like a princess.

It's easy to see you think very highly of me & it's something I would love to get used to! Your personality is perfect. Sweetest, caring, most kindest guy I have ever met (if that makes sense). & to top it off you're attractive to!!! Not only that but your friends & family sound like such great people that id get along with really well! So all in all you're the most perfect guy for me which really sucks because it's the worst timing. I used to get a new boyfriend fairly often so for me to have been single for a year an a half is kind of a shock. But it proves to me how determined I am to just focus on myself for a little while. It's sad to think that I'm actually excited to hit the two year mark! Haha :/

I loved every minute I spent talking to you. You're so perfect that I thought after our date Itd make me realise how much I actually wanted to be with you but the sad truth is, I'm too focused on getting my life sorted.

As a young girl I obviously relied on a lot of people for everything, including happiness which only led to me being let down a lot. I had sooooo many things in life bring me down that I started to harm myself from such a young age. I believe that's why I'm so focused & determined to make a living for myself & rely on no one but myself for everything including happiness. Getting this second job is such a blessing for me. To know I'll be earning so much money to go towards dreams I've had for so many years. I'll be working close to, if not, 7 days a week. & I won't have time for a relationship.

I know it's upsetting but it'll be good for me to get my life on track. Relationships aren't exactly my thing any more & no it's not because I want to go out & slu around. They just don't work out for me. I think falling for me is such a big risk & I don't want anyone to go through that. I feel terrible because I know you're going to think I led you on but I didn't! I genuinely care for you which is why I'm saying all this before it gets way to out of hand & you get hurt ten times worse :(

 

What do I do?! I can't just lose her, please tell me what she wants

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You can't do anything except make her miss you. You cannot manufacture somebody else's interest. She's not sufficiently interested in you that way, or she'd bring you along for her adventure.

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dude that letter she sent you , when you cut it all down and get rid of the crap it basically says "you are an amazing guy and I love you as a friend, but nothing but"

 

read between the lines. next her. by the way, don't agree to be "just friends" with her, that only leads to heartbreak and hard feelings.

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It seems like she doesn't want a relationship right now. She's saying, it's nothing wrong with you, she just simply doesn't have time for a relationship and wants to focus on her life right now, pursue her dreams, etc.

 

I know you don't want to lose her, but unfortunately, you already have. She was mature enough to let you know what she wants, cleared it up with you on how she felt and why she felt this way. A relationship is something she doesn't want. In other words, she wants to move on. She went out on one date with you, didn't lead you on and told you how she felt before it turned into something more. Consider yourself lucky you didn't go through any continuous mindgames that some people on this forum has gone through.

 

I think you need to move on as well, even if you don't want to. If you two are meant to be together, you will be together. Whatever is meant to be, simply will be. But for right now, it's not what she wants. So your only choice is to respect that, and go straight into No Contact. This will give her space and this will give you time to focus on yourself while she is focusing on herself. You can't move on if you continue contact with her.

 

I notice your title is "She says she wants to move on, but I don't think she really wants to" it seems like you're in the first step of grieving a loss. Denial. Which is completely normal and understandable. However, tell yourself that this is over and this is simply not what she wants right now. Only then you can move forward.

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One thing about moving on is that no one really wants to, but they sense that they have to, so they force themselves to do it, and eventually become happy that they did.

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One last thing - read your title to this thread a few times.

 

Basically she is telling you something you don't want to believe, and you need to recognize that emotionally you're in a bad place. Because it's completely obvious she means it.

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Sorry, OP. I know you're upset, and the way she ended it was cowardly. A long-winded novel about her life and all the reasons why you should understand her decision. Weak, on her part.

 

But I am sure she means it. Why do you think she doesn't?

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Okay so I posted the title as she doesn't want to move on.., and here's my reasoning why, obviously I was pretty upset about her saying that, cause my whole life has been one night stands cause I've never wanted commitment and then she comes along and changes all that, so I called her that night.

 

She basically said at the start she's just not in a place where she's willing to feel vulnerable to anyone else again, because in the past she's always gotten hurt when she has.

By the end of e phone call, she was saying she has feelings for me, but she doesn't want to drag me through all her **** and that she needs proper help.

 

She doesn't know I'm good friends with her best friend, and her best friend told me how she does have romantic feeling for me (that was the day before the text)

She's told all her family about me and every time we had seen each other she kept talking about me meeting her parents and her meeting my friends and family.

 

But thank you also much for your input so far

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Like the whole reality of it, is a hell of a lot more complex then it looks. Like if it was just this text, I'd be like yeh that sucks she wants to end things.., but it was a lot more involved then this.., so I need to show her somehow that I want to help her with her issues, I don't need her to keep trying to protect me from herself, and that I'm not going to hurt her like guys have done in the past. So how would I be able to do this?! i need a way of proving to her, that I'm there for her and care about

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No one ever really wants to break up if they did like the person. It's because of the unknown. Will they find someone else or if they already have, will they be the "one", etc. If they come back to you, it's usually because a new person wasn't working out and they come back to the "comfort" of the old person. Not because their feelings have changed or grown for that person. The latter is very rare,.

 

Cut off contact. Date new people and enjoy yourself.

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ThorntonMelon

Aussie I will say it one more time and then leave you to work through it as you see fit.

 

You're in denial and she does mean it. You don't need to prove anything to her. You never did and never will. If you want to live your life pining for her, that's up to you, but it won't change anything. What you need to do is focus on you, just like she is focusing on herself.

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Like the whole reality of it, is a hell of a lot more complex then it looks. Like if it was just this text, I'd be like yeh that sucks she wants to end things.., but it was a lot more involved then this.., so I need to show her somehow that I want to help her with her issues, I don't need her to keep trying to protect me from herself, and that I'm not going to hurt her like guys have done in the past. So how would I be able to do this?! i need a way of proving to her, that I'm there for her and care about

 

The text she sent you was basically a lot of fluff to soften the blow of telling you that she isn't interested in you that way.

 

I think you make it complex because you're trying to find every little loophole to justify you holding on.

 

You can't help her with her issues. I have to wonder if there are really any issues but moreso excuses to ease letting you go. You can care for her and love her, but unfortunately, those feelings have to be reciprocated and if she doesn't want you in her life, she doesn't need your help.

 

You want to help her love you or feel the same way you do. When desperate, we think of all kinds of ways to make that person want us. This is not the way, OP.

 

You need to start letting go.

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Instead of so many words, she could have just written: "I lost interest in you". any additional word is there just to soften reality and also to make her feel less guilty.

 

As for the reasons she wrote - She may be 100% honest, 50% honest, or 0% honest. I don't know her enough to say, and even if i did, i'd probably wouldn't know as well.

 

Move on. She already told you it's over.

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