banini_jeque Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Your ex starts dating someone else. They want you as a friend but won't rule out dating you again because you never know what might happen. You wanted them back, but now them dating someone else hurts and makes you feel like you wouldn't want them now that they've been with someone else. So now you don't want them anymore even though you have feelings for them. My question is, what if you get with someone else, and it doesn't work out, then are you going to feel fine with the fact that they were with someone else because you were too? What does it mean? Link to post Share on other sites
TheKook Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 It means stop pursuing them and continue to find someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 It means you are going backward in life instead of forward. Unless we're talking about a high school crush that you meet up with 10+ years later, if it didn't work the 1st time it won't work now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author banini_jeque Posted September 29, 2014 Author Share Posted September 29, 2014 I get that. I was just wondering more specifically about the unequal part of it. The difference in how you would feel if you've both been with other people versus only them having been with somebody else in between. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 You can't think about the other people your SO has been with. It will drive you bonkers. Concentrate on the present; they are with you now & that's all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 (edited) I had these thoughts quite a bit a while back when my ex started seeing someone else. I've dated and slept with someone else since our BU. Not tit for tat but because I had healed enough to start dating again. You get to a point where "it doesn't matter what they did when we were broken up" and you contemplate the idea of being able to still get back together with them...that's a just phase you go through though. You never seriously consider getting back with an ex who left you for someone else or BU with you and rather quickly started dating someone else. It may be possible to stomach them being with someone else after you if they at least stayed single for a long period of time after before pursuing another RS. Aaaand if they also remained single for a long enough period of time after that RS ended, before they came charging back into your life. I too, had these same thoughts after my BU. Because I was left for someone else and because my ex strung me along for months. He knew he could because he knew I wanted him back at the time. IT WAS ALL MY EGO'S FAULT DAMNIT! lol Anyway, now, after more than a year since my BU...I am certain I will never get back with my ex. It was never my style to get back with an ex. Sooo no matter what I thought when I was completely blinded by my emotions at the time....this last ex isn't any exception. IMO, years of NC should pass before exes consider to reconcile. Edited September 29, 2014 by me85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JFReyes Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 IMO, years of NC should pass before exes consider to reconcile. Words of wisdom, thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zhaulk Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 The truth is, I see a lot of people on here saying that anything can happen and reconciliations really happen, but in all honesty when you break up it really should be final. I don't have an ex that I would return to, although it took me a long time to really figure that out. You really have to have closure to move on though, but you get it from yourself. I found out that my ex started sleeping with someone else a month after we broke up, and got into a relationship two months after with a different guy. I don't look at it as a rebound, but perhaps maybe she was over me by the time we broke up. Honestly once you go NC you should just try your best to live your life without them, and not worry about the what if's, because by the time it is over, it is over for good. If they come back as more than friends, it is usually due to loneliness and insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Don't even THINK ABOUT THIS. Don't waste your life. I was with my ex from 19-35. A year in he broke it off with me for a couple months fling with a younger guy that was pursuing him. I took him back after that. Fast forward 14 years and the same scenario. Have some self respect and pride. Once they make that choice and its not you, they are not worth anything anymore to you and never will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I'm going to say its possible but not probable. As for me if they went on dates with someone and nothing happened, it would be a lot easier to take them back, but if they slept with someone within a short period of time - no way. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. In my experience I had an ex years ago in which we had a mutual break. We ended up back together after about two weeks, in that time she was intimate with someone else. I never got over it. The guy basically used her and I couldn't get the thought out of my head that she wanted me back because she couldn't have him. I took the break harder and couldn' t think of being with someone else, so needless to say it didn't last after that. Link to post Share on other sites
krooton25 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) Your ex starts dating someone else. They want you as a friend but won't rule out dating you again because you never know what might happen. You wanted them back, but now them dating someone else hurts and makes you feel like you wouldn't want them now that they've been with someone else. So now you don't want them anymore even though you have feelings for them. My question is, what if you get with someone else, and it doesn't work out, then are you going to feel fine with the fact that they were with someone else because you were too? What does it mean? ok..from experience the only reason i would stick with wanting an ex back is because I couldn't find someone better or I have connection with. With better, i mean it terms of looks, status, personality etc. But once you found someone better looking have better job, nicer, I am telling you, your ex wouldn't worth as much. You should move on! and stop making friends with an ex..that person only wants you as FALLBACK. do you wanna wait until he breaks up with that new person and date you? First off, the reason why they are dating someone now is because they know that there COULD be someone else better than you. If you can see his value, well he can't. And he wants to try other people. Goodness. Theres plenty of fish in the sea. Edited September 30, 2014 by krooton25 Link to post Share on other sites
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