My ex has already had a girlfriend

[tryingtobehappy]

I have been broken up with my ex-boyfriend for a little under 4 months, since the breakup we have talked (he is the one that ended it) once a week, I never called him after the breakup, it was always him calling me, I did send him some e-mails but the only time I called him was on his b-day….so anyway, we never discussed if we were dating new people, but I wasn’t, and I assumed that he wasn’t also because I figured if he was he wouldn’t be calling me so much and that when we did talk once a week he filled me in on his weekends and I never assumed there was another women..... well I found out thru work that he was dating someone new, it wasn’t 100% clear but instead of wondering I shot him and e-mail to find out for sure, well the response was not what I expected, it said that he “was” dating someone new but not anymore, that she didn’t understand his children coming first and it was an easy decision to end it. He was separated when we were dating and I knew that there was the possibility that I would be the transitional women, but in the 8 months we were together he was so sweet, we never really fought, and the one problem was he was a bit of a perfectionist…. To make a long story a bit shorter when he sent me the e-mail that he was dating someone new my heart broke again, I didn’t think I would be as mad/hurt as I was, he jumped in a relationship with me when his wife left him and I think I realized he has trouble being alone, I didn’t reply to his last e-mail and he called me that day after work, I didn’t pick up the phone (I almost threw it at the wall) on the voice-mail he left he said sorry and if you want to talk about it give me a call…. I didn’t have the control I wanted to call him back, I was afraid I was going to cry and I didn’t want him to see how hurt I was….so it’ s been a week and he has not tried to contact me again…part of me wants to send him an e-mail or call, the other part wants to wait to see if he calls again, It makes me so sad to think we might never talk again, the week before he was saying he wants me to come over to his house that he got in his settlement (the divorce went trough) and 2 weeks ago I would come into work with voice-mails from him about some sort of personal joke we had together, I was starting to think he had second thoughts about us…I don’t know if I am just venting because I know all the advice that people are going to give is to forget him, don’t call him, but it hurts and I miss him, was he not giving me mixed signals?….thanks for reading this..

[dizi]

What was the reason for the break up?

[tryingtobehappy]

Well according to him it was that I had more feelings for him then he did for me. He said that I make him very happy but he didn’t want to use me. We never had problems in the eight months together until the weekend before he broke up with me, he had to see his ex wife on their anniversary because the daughters conformation party was that day, the same week he had to see her again for the kids joint b-day party, he didn’t call me the night of the party (which is very strange for him) he called me the next morning, told me he had a migraine and was confused because he was so nice to her…. 2 days later I was dumped… he called me 2 weeks after he dumped me because he was in town and wanted to stop by my second job with his two children I had never met….i think he just wasn’t ready to open his heart up, I just wish he could have done something horrible so that it would be easier to let him go, we just got along so well…it sucks. Thinking of him sleeping with another women made me sick, I lost 5lbs last week (I have started eating normaly again)… I now I shouldn’t think this, but, when we were still together I remember him telling me how he dumped his wife and dated two people in between, then he realized no one was better then her and they ended up married, I now I shouldn’t but a part of me clings to a little bit of hope that he will realize what a mistake he made (that thought is starting to fade now that we are no longer speaking to each other)

[Ann]

I could be wrong, but it sure sounds as if he hasn't been able to recover from the break up with his wife. It's probably just too soon, and if and when he does recover from this experience, there might be a good chance of beginning again with you, but I would say he needs time - - lots of time, and I think you're doing exactly the right thing by not calling him, not pressing him, (though I know how hard that is, and I admire you for being able to do it). Lots of people can't, and I think they wind up pushing so much for a relationship, they just scare the person away. Keep doing what you're doing. He's obviously felt the need to call you from time to time and that's a very good sign, and given enough time to sort things out, he may very well return to you, with a new outlook.

[tryingtobehappy]

Thanks for listening to me vent, I think my friends are starting to get sick of it. I don’t want to hold on to false hope and I am looking for other options, but, he did mean a lot to me and I would love to have him around again, I just hope that whatever happens is what is best for both of us…I am just not sure if I should call him since I never called him or e-mailed him back last week, I was just sad, or if I should just wait to see if he tries to call me again…life is tough for me right now, I can’t wait to be happy again, with or without him.

[snilljente]

How long since he and his ex wife split up.....going through a divorce is a very tough thing and him not being able to be with you right now may just be due to lingering pain/confusion from the experience....

[tryingtobehappy]

They have been separated for a year and 4 months, they have been divorced for about 3 months. I don't mind him being confused it's just that his still calling me was very confusing for me. The thing that really killed me is that he has already had a girlfriend in between his ex-wife and me. I started thinking about him sleeping with another woman, and how he might have been calling me once she left. He hasn't called me in 10 days and i don't know if he will or what i will say to him if he does. I still haven’t called him back to "talk about his last relationship" . I think it might be best for me to try to move on even though i have been thinking about it for the last week and it's eating away at me. I cried myself to sleep last night realizing he is really gone now. I am just thoroughly confused to the fact I don’t even understand my emotions. I was so understanding and sweet to him and now I feel completely taken advantage of.

[snilljente]

Not that I know that there was another woman beside his ex involved, I would say, let him go...if he was just needing time to deal with his divorce, he wouldn't be with another woman.....I think that he keeps calling 1) because he feels guilty about ending it with you and wants to have some contact to ease his mind and 2) needs you as a friend due to everything that he is going through...Given the feelings that you understandably still have for him, I would end it....having contact with him is just going to reopen those wounds each time he calls...Sorry...hang in there..I know it's hard..I had an incredibly rough summer too, but each day it gets a tiny bit better.......

[tryingtobehappy]

You're right. I will do my best.

[jjhung]

If you feel that you can move on, that's the best thing to do. But if you think that he is worth "fighting for", you should have a heart to heart talk w/ him if he feels the same about you and think may be there is a future for the two of you just that right now he is not ready because he has been hurt. It is not uncommon for people after being so hurt to shut down and be afraid to commit to another relationship because they don't want to be hurt again. That's why it is never good to be caught at a rebound, but sometimes you can't help it. I think communication is the only way to clear things and some closure will help you move on quicker if you can just have a very honest talk. Good luck but I admire your courage wanting to move on.