My ex tells me she cannot let go and wants be but but does she?

[memoboy]

I would love some help, comments or insights with this..

Thanks so much!

 

So, it’s been now 3 months from the breakup (2 years or relationship). I tried to get her back too hard and scared her away more of course. I finally gave up on her around a week ago. I realised that even though she says she somewhat loves and have feelings for me, then I didn’t really see anything coming back from her, she is with her rebound boyfriend etc. So I felt like I cannot pursue the love with no return and don’t want to waste my time and life on this. We met up for my birthday briefly, it was very friendly again and then I thought that was it and no more of meeting like this. I wanted to stop as it was hurting for me.

 

Ok, so I’ve been now hanging out with a new girl for some days. My ex found out and really wanted to meet then and give me her birthday present. I denied at first but then gave in. And now she started to talk about how she cannot be with her rebound, doesn’t have such feelings for him, is deeply connected with me, loves me 100% and misses our home and life together. And whether we should try again somehow after being alone for a while or completely let go. Even letting go with the help with therapist if needed. The thing is, that I’ve been alone for almost 3 months up until now. It was her who landed with a rebound almost right away. And it was her who postponed the reality with the comfort of being with a rebound. So, I said to her, my feelings are of course not gone, as I even told them to her just a week ago. But now I need some time to think about things. As I just had made the very hard decision to let go of her already. And I didn't even completely understand what she asked. She didn't want to try again right away but sort of the answer, that I would be there for her.

 

She immediately started to turn things around, as this would be now a test ground to see how we felt about each other. But I never made a secret how I felt about her. Just, after 3 months of chasing, I gave up. I felt I want to be wanted and loved, the way I am and I don’t want to chase anyone any more. I felt I’m worth a lot and want to put my feelings somewhere they are valued and returned.

 

So, now things are weird again. We agreed we might need to go on a short trip together, where there’s no distractions. And the time together would sort of show us, whether we should completely let got of each other or try to start again from a clean slate. But she hasn’t broken up with her rebound at the moment. She says it doesn’t mean her much, and it’s nothing serious, but she still is with him. She even says she had never talk to the guy outside of parties and she doesn't even like him so much. Says is a good guy of course but that's it. But the fact remains, she has not broken up with him.

 

I also cannot see I can act totally normal at that tip. If that would be sort of a test ride for us, then that feeling would be a bit absurd. I’m tried of pretending to be someone I’m not or to watch carefully every word I’m saying. I just wish things would be natural.

 

We have been now really open. I’ve been for a long time already but now she was as well. She said how reality hit her and how she loves me so much, and she can either be with me or needs to completely let go to be able to be with another. But of course now I haven’t heard much from he except of a few texts and I know she was with her rebound again on the weekend..

 

You can read my previous status of things here

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/494126-turned-small-break-into-disaster-any

After that post I gave up on her.

 

And I guess as the life goes, the moment I gave up, she started to talk about giving it another try.

[ThorntonMelon]

So her words don't match her actions.

 

And she is talking about either being together or completely letting go. If you were that in love with someone, would you put the option of letting go on the table?

 

I think reality is obvious here. She likes your attention. Thats all.

[Mi7522]

I agree she just wants your attention. Go no contact and you will feel much better about yourself

[travelbug1996]

NC on her ass buddy. She's playing with your feelings.