Realizing ex used you

[Loempia741]

It's been a year since our break-up. I've had a really rough year, on the brink of a serious depression. I lost a bit of my lust for my life in the process, but that's fine, I've learned a lot. I became an adult.

 

But realizing that my ex used me as an emotional crutch is something new. She played the hot and cold game for over a year until she suddenly stopped talking to me. I know I've allowed her to play this game, but still it's really confronting seeing a woman I used to adore in this role. I know she doesn't think much of me anymore, I can feel it. She lost all feelings of love and attraction during the course of this year. And it stings I've let it come this far. She initiates contact with a lot of my friends but never with me. It hurts me but in the end it makes me realize what kind of women she is. In constant need for attention, chasing the things she can't have when the things that sincerely wanted to fix things (thats me btw) are cut out like a tumor.

 

I'm not saying I'm completely over her, but to be honest I feel too much has happened for me to ever consider taking her back..

 

What does make me sick is the knowledge that she probably thinks nothing of me anymore, because I acted like a submissive little ****. Playing the part of the fool who thinks he can turn things around by being a good boy to her.

**** that, the fact that I hurt myself and tossed my pride and my ambitions away to waste my energy on her is my biggest mistake yet.

[SycamoreCircle]

A lot of hurt here. I know exactly what you're feeling. Feel free to read my very first thread.

 

You might need to get into some sort of therapy. As they say, "hurt people, hurt people". Depending on where you live there may be a Meetup group that you can go to discuss your feelings.

 

Some of what your feeling is self-loathing. That's not good.

 

We've got to find a way to forgive these people and ourselves. It's the only thing that can insure happiness.

[Elle1975]

Something similar happened to me. I feel that we knew. We knew they weren't committed, or that they were using us as an emotional or physical bridge to someone else.

 

I believe people who are romantically successful don't let this happen. Sure, nobody is fool-proof, however we can all learn from our mistakes. We've all been there, some many times over.

 

The next time you feel used or like somebody's "btch", put your foot down. And I'm not saying that you need to be mean to someone in order to do this. It's about respecting yourself is all.

[mtnbiker3000]

I think you have touched on one of the hardest parts of a BU. At least for me. And I still struggle with this after all this time...

 

How someone who once appeared (at least) to care for you and treat you so well can now so easily treat you so poorly and not even think twice about it.

 

This is a difficult thing for me to grasp. And I truly believe this takes a unique person with their own set of problems and issues. The hardest part is to not let it define you!!

[crazybestie101]

It's been a year since our break-up. I've had a really rough year, on the brink of a serious depression. I lost a bit of my lust for my life in the process, but that's fine, I've learned a lot. I became an adult.

 

But realizing that my ex used me as an emotional crutch is something new. She played the hot and cold game for over a year until she suddenly stopped talking to me. I know I've allowed her to play this game, but still it's really confronting seeing a woman I used to adore in this role. I know she doesn't think much of me anymore, I can feel it. She lost all feelings of love and attraction during the course of this year. And it stings I've let it come this far. She initiates contact with a lot of my friends but never with me. It hurts me but in the end it makes me realize what kind of women she is. In constant need for attention, chasing the things she can't have when the things that sincerely wanted to fix things (thats me btw) are cut out like a tumor.

 

I'm not saying I'm completely over her, but to be honest I feel too much has happened for me to ever consider taking her back..

 

What does make me sick is the knowledge that she probably thinks nothing of me anymore, because I acted like a submissive little ****. Playing the part of the fool who thinks he can turn things around by being a good boy to her.

**** that, the fact that I hurt myself and tossed my pride and my ambitions away to waste my energy on her is my biggest mistake yet.

 

 

What to tell you, i exactly feel same after 1 year. My ex is pretty much is like your ex. He hasn't looked back and it seems like for him i don't even exist. I have never been so hurt in my life before , it seems like i have just lost faith in relationship. I never knew this guy would change my life like 360. Sometimes i do regret meeting and believing in him. The one thing that surprises me that he hasn't try to contact me even once to check up on me in one year. Usually how most of dumper would contact atleast once. But nadaa here. Honestly , i am just done with this and came to terms with it few months ago. He is no longer part of anything and i am very much fine with it. Its takes long long time to reach this state. Please go NC and move on. Focus on yourself!

[Loempia741]

I understand I fooled myself and as I said, I've learned a lot. But still, the fact that she used me and has suddenly stopped talking to me. It's sickening, not as much as it used to be, but still sometimes it really sickens me and I want to hurt her for it.

 

Especially the fact that she is talking to people I know (even a close friend) in a flirting manner, looking for someone to fill the void. It's almost like when she had enough certainty with others she just dropped me. I say it again, it sickens me to my bones.

 

But in a way it feels liberating, I'm not seeing her on a pedestal anymore. Altough it makes me doubt peoples intentions in general, it also makes me feel like I shouldn't care that much anymore. Do as I please and in the end I will find someone worth caring about. No more ****ing games.