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Why would an ex block you during NC?


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My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago after 2.5 years together. NC for a month since then.

 

She deleted/blocked me from all social media accounts a month ago - including unfollowing me from instagram.

 

Yesterday would've been our 3 year anniversary. I happened to go on Instagram last night (while she unfollowed me, I chose not to, because she barely ever uses instagram). I noticed she posted 2 photos: one of an "emotional baggage" poster, the other of a poster saying "Things are better when we are together.". Weird timing given it would've been our anniversary, but I shrugged it off and chalked it up to coincidence.

 

This morning I happened to be scrolling my feed and realized her photos were missing, and that she's now completely blocked me on instagram. Meanwhile, I haven't been bothering her at all, and she had already unfollowed me a month prior.

 

I know deleting/blocking is not meant to be personal - but I'm a bit angry because I feel it should be my decision whether I want to "follow" someone or not. That choice shouldn't be decided for me.

 

So why do ex's do this kind of thing when you haven't been bothering them?

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My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago after 2.5 years together. The breakup ended on a sour note after we got into an argument, ironically, about how hurt I was over the breakup. We have been strict NC for the past month - the 2 months prior to that with little contact, because we had to email each other to arrange mailing/picking up our things. Things were blunt and cordial over email.

 

So strict NC for a month now. She deleted/blocked me from all social media accounts a month ago - including unfollowing me from instagram.

 

Yesterday would've been our 3 year anniversary. I happened to go on Instagram last night (while she unfollowed me, I chose not to, because she barely ever uses instagram). I noticed she posted 2 photos: one of an "emotional baggage" poster, the other of a poster saying "Things are better when we are together.". Weird timing given it would've been our anniversary, but I shrugged it off and chalked it up to coincidence.

 

This morning I happened to be scrolling my feed and realized her photos were missing, and that she's now completely blocked me on instagram. Meanwhile, I haven't been bothering her at all, and she had already unfollowed me a month prior.

 

I know deleting/blocking is not meant to be personal - but I'm a bit angry because I feel it should be my decision whether I want to "follow" someone or not. That choice shouldn't be decided for me.

 

So why do ex's do this kind of thing when you haven't been bothering them?

 

 

 

 

To be completely honest, my ex did the SAME thing to me. He unfriended me on Facebook, unfollowed me on Twitter and not only did he do those things, he BLOCKED me from both. But yet STILL tries to contact me like every month or so. It's very weird and immature behavior.

 

I would have to say she sounds a little immature and unsure of herself.

 

Don't blame yourself for the breakup, it will only cause more pain. And don't blame yourself for her actions!!! They're not your fault.

 

Real love is NOT that, (in my eyes anyway) ... Real love wouldn't do all those things. Even if real love fell out of love, they wouldn't go out of your way to block you. But again, thats just my opinion.

 

I think you should leave her in the past where shes meant to be and find a woman who will appreciate you!!! You don't deserve to settle and if you keep checking on her, you are settling because she doesn't deserve even the attention of you caring or looking at her social media!

 

I know it's hard, I get the urges every day to look at my exes social media. But please believe me you, its LETHAL. You need to stay far, far away to truly HEAL yourself and move on. You deserve to move on and be happy in life and feel happiness again. The only thing to do is let go and once you finally do that, you will feel a feeling of freeness and relief, as if you're not chained up anymore. I advise you not to contact her and don't look for her anymore. Focus on you and your happiness! That's the best revenge, although you shouldn't think of it as revenge while you're doing it... you should think of it as getting you and your happiness back, and a wonderful woman will pop up into your life when you least expect it!:)

 

Hugs,

xxx

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I agree with you both. My ex has a history of being immature and panics when she isn't in control. I think this is a last ditch effort to regain control. Someone call me out here if I'm wrong.

 

Singsparkles, my ex did the same thing. She not just deleted me, but blocked me from everything. Even linkedin and google+ which I barely even use! It really hurts when someone you loved tries to erradicate you out of their lives like you never existed.

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littleblacksubmarine

It could be that she is trying to manipulate you, but I wouldn't take it personally, she may just doing it for her own sake, to help her move on. I have recently blocked my ex on facebook (she broke up with me) and it wasn't an attempt to get at her, it was purely so that I was in control of not looking at her page.

 

Either way there is no way of knowing for sure, as only she will know, and there is nothing to be gained from asking her. The best thing you can do is try not to think about her motives too much. You've posted on here instead of attempting to ask her about it, so that is a good way of venting and clearing it from your mind.

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An ex of mine blocked me as he entered a new relationship.

 

He was already unfriended, but for a while he had kept his FB public, and I would look it over and analyze every Bob Dylan song he'd post. Then eventually he was in a relationship, and I was blocked. Which was a good thing. I wish all of my exes could just block me on everything so I don't ever have to worry about giving into temptation to snoop online.

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Look you're supposed to be in NC with her right?

So why do you give 2 short ships what she does?

This is what happens when you break NC! You broke NC by instagram stalking her! And now you're all in a twist because you saw something you didn't understand.

This is what happens when you break NC! Hope you learn for next time - don't do it!

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People block others for various reasons. It could be a power grab or at the moment she was dealing with her emotional demons and was riding the emotional roller coaster.

 

Last time my ex (dumper) contacted me, she was angry over the fact that I blocked her on social media. It was not my intention to make her angry, but I had to block her for my own emotional well being. I think its a great step for both sides to take a complete timeout from any and all forms of information and communication so they can analyze the relationship properly.

 

I wouldn't get too upset, she is dealing with her emotions much like you are, so it's best to stay back as far as possible from her during this time.

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It's perfectly understandable to block someone after a breakup. She is trying to move on, and it's often very tempting to look at an ex on social media, which doesn't help. OP, she doesn't need to ask your permission to block you, and you have no "right" to follow her or anyone else on social media. That's such a self centered view. You sound like you are upset that you have no control over what she does.

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A similar thing happened to me and I can only put it down to control and manipulating behaviour.

 

I think it would be more like the person is trying to move on. If anything, it would be controlling to feel that you have a right to look at anyone's social media.

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So why do ex's do this kind of thing when you haven't been bothering them?

 

They do this for their own health. They know the smartest healthiest thing to do is cut off all contact. That is what she did. The fact that you still want to look at her social media doesn't mean she wants you to see it. So she cut you off. She actually did you a favor because now you can no longer dwell.

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This is what 'strict' NC is, right?

 

I don't get the people who are all confused when they are deleted/blocked on social media.

 

The last thing I want is status updates and pictures with the new girlfriend from the last guy I dated who dumped me like an old rag (for the new girlfriend btw) show up in my news feed...

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It's a sign of immature behavior.

 

 

My ex blocked me, then sometimes she would unblock just to see what I was doing, and then block again. All this while she was calling me acting like everything was normal.

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It's a sign of immature behavior.

 

My ex blocked me, then sometimes she would unblock just to see what I was doing, and then block again.

 

Blocking is the sign of mature behavior.

 

This yo yo thing -- blocking then unblocking is immature.

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Blocking is the sign of mature behavior.

 

This yo yo thing -- blocking then unblocking is immature.

 

Also proves the person is not going to turn into a crazy online stalker lol

 

I would actually be concerned if someone I was supposed to be in NC with wanted to remain on my social media's friends lists...

It screams 'I don't want to talk to you but I should still get to know everything that goes on in your life without you even knowing. mouha.ha.ha'

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You'd do well for yourself to first understand why you even care, and then to understand that she's helping you, whatever her motives, and finally, that you should not care one way or the other what she does or why she does it.

 

It is very common for the "dumpee" to feel like the ex is doing something TO them. It is the dumpee frame of reference for as long as they feel like a dumpee. But most often, the ex is just doing things for themselves. They rarely consider the effect on the dumpee, and if they do consider it, it is usually low on the list of concerns. The longer you've been apart, the truer that is.

 

That is where you want to go, isn't it? To the land of "I don't care"? So, keep your eyes on the prize.

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It's perfectly understandable to block someone after a breakup. She is trying to move on, and it's often very tempting to look at an ex on social media, which doesn't help. OP, she doesn't need to ask your permission to block you, and you have no "right" to follow her or anyone else on social media. That's such a self centered view. You sound like you are upset that you have no control over what she does.

 

 

 

 

To be honest, I don't think he is being self centered at all, with all due respect. Many people handle break ups differently, and as you see it he is feeling like he has no control. I don't think thats always the case. I think it hurts when someone you've loved for so long can just cross you off their list so quickly as if you never existed. I think he came on here for support, because it hurts, and I know how he feels.

 

I do think he should definitely not look at her social media or contact her anymore, because she doesn't deserve him. He obviously cared about her a lot, and she doesn't deserve him if she can so quickly cross him off her list. In my mind, thats a bit immature if you have to go out of your way to block someone you once "loved" on every social media. I think ignoring them would be a better route and less hurtful, or atleast respond and say "I don't think we should talk anymore" (would be A LOT more mature) ... communication is key, especially in a break up. A break up without any communication or reasoning can hurt and takes time to get over.

 

He's just dealing with his emotions, that's all. I think he deserves much better and should keep on trucking along and will find a much better, suitable great woman for him who won't do things like that to him, and instead appreciate him.

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I agree with you both. My ex has a history of being immature and panics when she isn't in control. I think this is a last ditch effort to regain control. Someone call me out here if I'm wrong.

 

Singsparkles, my ex did the same thing. She not just deleted me, but blocked me from everything. Even linkedin and google+ which I barely even use! It really hurts when someone you loved tries to erradicate you out of their lives like you never existed.

 

 

 

I totally agree! You are not wrong at all. My ex thought I cheated on him (which I NEVER did) and panicked and his ego got in the way and he went out of his way to block me on every social media without any communication or talking things through. It is very immature and it is a way for them to gain control.

 

It does hurt. But you need to realize she doesn't deserve you and move on as fast as you can. Don't let yourself hurt any longer from this because she doesn't deserve that from you. Cross her out of your life just as she did yours. Date. Go out. Meet new women... and you will DEFINITELY find a better, more suitable, mature, wonderful woman for yourself, way better than her. You just need to see things for the way they are. I know it's hard because you're probably blind now and it hurts, we're only human... but you need to realize your worth and realize you're SO MUCH MORE WORTHY than that!!! Hang in there... it will get better. I promise you. :)

 

Hugs!!!

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He obviously cared about her a lot, and she doesn't deserve him if she can so quickly cross him off her list. In my mind, thats a bit immature if you have to go out of your way to block someone you once "loved" on every social media. I think ignoring them would be a better route and less hurtful, or atleast respond and say "I don't think we should talk anymore" (would be A LOT more mature) ... communication is key, especially in a break up. A break up without any communication or reasoning can hurt and takes time to get over.

 

The problem with social media is that it is difficult to ignore someone if you don't block them, unfriend, unfollow, or whatever it is that you need to do to make the person non existent. It's not like seeing your ex on the street and choosing to walk the other way. That's something you can't control, and you deal with it if it happens. Blocking on social media is a proactive way to protect yourself, and it doesn't mean you hate the person. Most of the time, it means you probably care too much and need to take measure to move on and heal.

 

I think you have a somewhat naive view of breakups. I'm not saying that to be hurtful because I did many things in my youth, after a breakup, that I would never do today. I held different beliefs than I do now that I'm older and wiser. After a breakup, the best course is to cut any contact with the other person whatsoever. It's not about hating the person or trying to regain power, or whatever else it is. You need to heal and remove yourself from emotional triggers. I mean, the OP actually made a thread about his ex blocking him on FB, so that pretty much says it all.

 

Above all, after a breakup, you have no say in what your ex does, and it is of no concern to you. What her reasons are we will never know, but, yes, I do believe that it's selfish/self-centered for the OP to see her blocking him as a power play directed at him. He sees her as the center of his ex's decisions, and that is probably not really true. I guarantee that most people who block on social media are doing it as a means to protect themselves, which would be putting themselves first.

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The problem with social media is that it is difficult to ignore someone if you don't block them, unfriend, unfollow, or whatever it is that you need to do to make the person non existent. It's not like seeing your ex on the street and choosing to walk the other way. That's something you can't control, and you deal with it if it happens. Blocking on social media is a proactive way to protect yourself, and it doesn't mean you hate the person. Most of the time, it means you probably care too much and need to take measure to move on and heal.

 

I think you have a somewhat naive view of breakups. I'm not saying that to be hurtful because I did many things in my youth, after a breakup, that I would never do today. I held different beliefs than I do now that I'm older and wiser. After a breakup, the best course is to cut any contact with the other person whatsoever. It's not about hating the person or trying to regain power, or whatever else it is. You need to heal and remove yourself from emotional triggers. I mean, the OP actually made a thread about his ex blocking him on FB, so that pretty much says it all.

 

Above all, after a breakup, you have no say in what your ex does, and it is of no concern to you. What her reasons are we will never know, but, yes, I do believe that it's selfish/self-centered for the OP to see her blocking him as a power play directed at him. He sees her as the center of his ex's decisions, and that is probably not really true. I guarantee that most people who block on social media are doing it as a means to protect themselves, which would be putting themselves first.

 

 

 

 

I do totally understand where you're coming now that you put it that way. But, me, it's hard to understand because i'm SUCH a SELFLESS person, I could never do that to an ex no matter if they hurt me or if I wanted nothing to do with them. Everyone is different and I guess this thread shows that.

 

I understand people do it to move on, but I could never do that to an ex and be selfish about my feelings as they are in pain. Even if I wanted to breakup and wanted nothing to do with them, I would still communicate with them as I have loved them in the past, I couldn't just ignore them. That's just me....

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I do totally understand where you're coming now that you put it that way. But, me, it's hard to understand because i'm SUCH a SELFLESS person, I could never do that to an ex no matter if they hurt me or if I wanted nothing to do with them. Everyone is different and I guess this thread shows that.

 

I understand people do it to move on, but I could never do that to an ex and be selfish about my feelings as they are in pain. Even if I wanted to breakup and wanted nothing to do with them, I would still communicate with them as I have loved them in the past, I couldn't just ignore them. That's just me....

 

That's not being selfless. That's showing poor boundaries. You would be willing to sacrifice your emotional well being for your ex. It would pain you and hold you back from healing to talk to your ex, but your would deny yourself the right to heal for the sake of your ex's feelings. You basically said that no matter what someone does to me, I would still entertain that person. I would still be there for them, but what about you? Who is your advocate? Who is sticking up for you?

 

I held the same view you do for years, and it made me a doormat. I would sacrifice what I needed for another person, and that is a recipe for disaster. People will take advantage of you, and your self-esteem will plummet.

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That's not being selfless. That's showing poor boundaries. You would be willing to sacrifice your emotional well being for your ex. It would pain you and hold you back from healing to talk to your ex, but your would deny yourself the right to heal for the sake of your ex's feelings. You basically said that no matter what someone does to me, I would still entertain that person. I would still be there for them, but what about you? Who is your advocate? Who is sticking up for you?

 

I held the same view you do for years, and it made me a doormat. I would sacrifice what I needed for another person, and that is a recipe for disaster. People will take advantage of you, and your self-esteem will plummet.

 

 

 

Totally, But it also depends on if the ex is a total jerk. I'm thinking of it in terms of someone like me being my ex; someone who you said you once loved and never changed,treated you like absolute gold, and then you want nothing to do with them.

 

I don't know anyone's situation. But if the person treated me poorly, OF COURSE I would not entertain them. I'm just thinking of the situation in a different light...

 

Because Ive been in a lot of relationships where I give and give and don't receive and someone just out of the blue cuts me off. It's very hurtful because you don't know why and wish there was a mature conversation and communication so the relationship was able to end on respectable terms.

 

If someone treats you amazing & you block them with no explaination, it shows you never had respect for that person in the first place.

 

If the person was a jerk, then yes, I would say anyone should block them and cross them off all the way.

 

I think I'm just looking at the situation from a different light than you are.

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I do totally understand where you're coming now that you put it that way. But, me, it's hard to understand because i'm SUCH a SELFLESS person, I could never do that to an ex no matter if they hurt me or if I wanted nothing to do with them. Everyone is different and I guess this thread shows that.

 

I understand people do it to move on, but I could never do that to an ex and be selfish about my feelings as they are in pain. Even if I wanted to breakup and wanted nothing to do with them, I would still communicate with them as I have loved them in the past, I couldn't just ignore them. That's just me....

 

I used to be like that. And all it got me is a more broken heart.

 

Thing is why would you still communicate with someone when it hurts you?

By all means, if you are over the person and you are fine seeing them with their new significant other, good!

 

But this rarely happens after break ups - at least in the few weeks following that. I would be fine having my ex on Facebook today but for a year or two after we broke up? never! And not only because his new girlfriend was harassing me...

 

Sometimes, you don't want to see comments and pictures from parties you were not invited to because your ex would be there, or you just don't want to see him in a happy picture on vacation with the new girlfriend.

 

Sometimes, blocking has nothing to do with the other person at all - it is a mean of protection. That's what No contact is all about.

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Totally, But it also depends on if the ex is a total jerk. I'm thinking of it in terms of someone like me being my ex; someone who you said you once loved and never changed,treated you like absolute gold, and then you want nothing to do with them.

 

I don't know anyone's situation. But if the person treated me poorly, OF COURSE I would not entertain them. I'm just thinking of the situation in a different light...

 

Because Ive been in a lot of relationships where I give and give and don't receive and someone just out of the blue cuts me off. It's very hurtful because you don't know why and wish there was a mature conversation and communication so the relationship was able to end on respectable terms.

 

If someone treats you amazing & you block them with no explaination, it shows you never had respect for that person in the first place.

 

If the person was a jerk, then yes, I would say anyone should block them and cross them off all the way.

 

I think I'm just looking at the situation from a different light than you are.

 

The blocking isn't necessarily personal. It's a way to show that things are done and not leave any gray area or confusion. If you are in No Contact like you are supposed to be, you shouldn't even know if you are blocked or if you aren't because you should be blocking that person already. Not out of anger, but to protect yourself. Like BC said, you aren't being selfless by opening up communication with a person that causes you pain -- you are showing poor to nonexistent boundaries and being a pushover. Being a nice person does not equal being someone's patsy.

 

And there's no way to end a relationship right. In fact, I'd rather be broken up with harshly than nicely, because ending a relationship "right" just causes second-guessing, confusion, and false hope. That being said, it doesn't matter if it's a nice breakup or a mean breakup, the result is the same. You are still fired and you are still in the same position regardless.

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If someone treats you amazing & you block them with no explaination, it shows you never had respect for that person in the first place.

 

I don't agree with that at all. You need to take measures to protect yourself and heal. You are really inviting more pain into your life by staying updated on social media.

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