I am still talking about my ex after 4 years. Help!

[beautifuldiva1989]

Is it bad if after almost 4 years that I am still talking about my ex in conversation and comparing him to current dates and experiences etc. I know thats a long time but my ex was a long relationship lasting almost 4 years, and while I have moved on and gone on dates, I still find myself talking about him.

 

In the past I would be able to erased that ex for good but this ex is still in my mind and I can't understand why that is. What do you think the issue is?

[David87]

Is it bad if after almost 4 years that I am still talking about my ex in conversation and comparing him to current dates and experiences etc. I know thats a long time but my ex was a long relationship lasting almost 4 years, and while I have moved on and gone on dates, I still find myself talking about him.

 

In the past I would be able to erased that ex for good but this ex is still in my mind and I can't understand why that is. What do you think the issue is?

 

You are not over your ex, simple as that. Try not to talk about him that often, especially on dates...

[me85]

^^^ same as last poster…you're not over your ex. It's ok. It happens. But what do you want to do to rectify the situation???

[Boomshine]

Is it bad if after almost 4 years that I am still talking about my ex in conversation and comparing him to current dates and experiences etc. I know thats a long time but my ex was a long relationship lasting almost 4 years, and while I have moved on and gone on dates, I still find myself talking about him.

 

In the past I would be able to erased that ex for good but this ex is still in my mind and I can't understand why that is. What do you think the issue is?

 

Like the others have said, you're not over him. But the question remains... Do you WANT to be? Then we can work from there.

[Simon Phoenix]

Do you still communicate with this ex or check up on him on social media?

[beautifuldiva1989]

I use to check up on him but don't much anymore. I know he's moved on and he's happy etc. I want to move on, I want to focus on this other guy I have been talking too. I want to forget about my ex altogether. But it seems every time I focus on a "new" guy and put him at the top that guy leaves me and not because I talk about me ex but because I guess he got bored of me or he wanted sex etc.

[Simon Phoenix]

I use to check up on him but don't much anymore. I know he's moved on and he's happy etc. I want to move on, I want to focus on this other guy I have been talking too. I want to forget about my ex altogether. But it seems every time I focus on a "new" guy and put him at the top that guy leaves me and not because I talk about me ex but because I guess he got bored of me or he wanted sex etc.

 

So you do still check in though? I think that's a big part of your problem -- you never completely went No Contact. I think you should stop checking on him completely first. It's hard to move on when you never completely let go.

[Summerrose2013]

Wow, 4 years is a long time - your new boyfriends may be picking up on signals. My ex talked about his ex wife (of 15 years) a LOT, and now I realise that he is not yet over the break up - not that he still loves her, he just still carries the scars. I should have told him point blank that I didnt want to hear about her, but I didn't, I just got quietly annoyed (possibly what is happening to you?)

 

You really need to find ways to move on properly if you want to go on to have a fulfilling relationship. Sometimes nostalgia is a very bad thing and distorts the reality of past events and relationships.

[singsparkles]

Is it bad if after almost 4 years that I am still talking about my ex in conversation and comparing him to current dates and experiences etc. I know thats a long time but my ex was a long relationship lasting almost 4 years, and while I have moved on and gone on dates, I still find myself talking about him.

 

In the past I would be able to erased that ex for good but this ex is still in my mind and I can't understand why that is. What do you think the issue is?

 

 

 

 

My question is, is there a reason you're holding on? Does your ex still contact you and still give you a glimpse of hope? I had an ex once who I didn't stop talking about for two years, but only because he kept popping into my life every few months just to keep me stringing along.

 

If he doesn't contact you anymore, I know it's sooooo hard, but you really need to get over him for the good of yourself and your heart. You're doing your heart no good by talking about him and keeping him in your mind, and you're also robbing yourself of happiness. I've been through the same thing! All you wanna do is talk about them all day, every day. But it's not healthy and you need to find ways to stop. Find a new hobbie you like. Enjoy the little things in life such as a nice car ride, hiking, working out (a good stress reliver), taking a nice bubble bath or drinking good coffee. And surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you!!! Try and keep your mind occupied as much as you can!

 

From the looks of it, you are a very passionate and compassionate person just like I, and it's very hard to get over someone you once loved. But as much as it hurts, we have to... And you don't see it now, but there is a whole world out there waiting for you. The only thing you need to do is let this guy go and you're free and happiness will find you. Eventually a great man will fall into your lap, even better than this one, because he won't leave you and you won't break up!

 

You deserve happiness. Take those chains off of yourself and focus on you and "me time" is amazingly therapeutic!! You can do this... you're strong whether you see it or not! Do not contact him or look at his social media or even talk about him anymore. Any time you feel like talking about him, make a point in your head and say to yourself "Nope, not gonna do it this time, let's talk about something better and more refreshing and something happy" ...I'm telling you, it works. and you will be so much happier!

 

This guy doesn't deserve all this love you still have for him! Save the love you have for him for YOURSELF, and someone amazing will pop into your life! <3

 

Hugs,

xxx

[d0nnivain]

It depends on how often.

 

4 years is a long time. If you are thinking about him a lot, that is bad. Comparing him to your new relationships is also not good. If it's once in a while, it might be OK.

 

The painting over my fireplace was done by an EX. He passed away. DH knows where the painting is from & that I like it so it stayed. The other day I was talking about the painting & him because some people came over & the one guy's new GF had known my EX. It was nice to share some happy memories. It doesn't mean I'm hung up on that EX, although I do wish he hadn't died so young.

[mightycpa]

How often and to whom is what I would take a look at. Also, what you're saying seems important. Things like

 

"Hector reminds me of Rupert when he ...."

 

is a lot better than

 

"I really miss the way Rupert used to .... that's all I can think about when I'm with Hector"

[beautifuldiva1989]

Its just little instances like this morning I was talking to my family and had said

 

"Yeah this guy is a Pisces in the Astrological sign thing and so were a lot of my ex's like Dave and Ray were"

 

Or I had mentioned my ex the other night saying "Well Ray liked this style of music and liked that environment when going to those concerts and this new guy isn't this way and it sucks"

 

Or even my parents will throw it in with "Why don't you just go and talk to Ray again you keep talking about him!"

 

When it's only sometimes like the examples I just used.

[d0nnivain]

The fact that your parents are pushing you back toward him tells me you really do talk about your EX too much.

 

Can you try censoring yourself? Instead of saying Ray liked this music, say someone I used to know liked it. As you disassociate, it may be easier to let go once & for all.