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Consolidated discussion: The No Contact Guide and No Contact process and experience


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 30th March 2017, 6:11 AM   #316
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you have too keep in mind.. some dumpers are FORCED dumpers.. they had no choice..


In my case I was a forced dumper.. so not all dumpees are innocent people, who didn't deserve what they got.


some dumpees have bought this onto themselves by treating there partner in a poor way..


in that case.. is it not the job of the dumpee to actually reach out to the dumper to make things right and to reconcile???
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Old 30th March 2017, 6:35 AM   #317
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If I may, I think it may be the women I've chosen to be with in my life, but although several have tried to rekindle old flames, not one has apologized. I think it is hard wired into their code that they are never wrong.

Ex wife left out of the blue and took my baby 900 miles away? My fault, all day. Lol

The ex that played push pull and crushed my feelings for months? Yup, my fault too. I should have just "gone away" after 2 years together.

It takes an enormous amount of humility to apologize to another person, and the ladies in my 38 years (totally empirical and subjective of course), simply find it easier to move on due to the wealth of options.

Look at this site. Follows the trend. 70% men, 30% women.

Point is, we are all looking for some vulnerability from our ex. A simple, "I am sorry for hurting you" would convey everything needed, and allow for the retention of dignity.
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Old 30th March 2017, 7:37 AM   #318
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Originally Posted by soulforge View Post
in that case.. is it not the job of the dumpee to actually reach out to the dumper to make things right and to reconcile???
I don't think this kind of discussion is related to or helping the OP much.

Let's stick to the topic of the thread here.

If you want to debate whether NC or blocking is always a good idea or not then I'd suggest opening a new thread on that topic.
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Old 30th March 2017, 11:36 AM   #319
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I went complete NC to the extreme. It helped with my healing process, which was my goal.

I think NC is a great idea personally. It's not about "punishing" the other person. It's about taking care of yourself. As easy as it is to play victim when getting dumped, NC is a time to reflect and take responsibility for your actions or lack of actions with regards to the failed relationship. Learn and grow from your mistakes.

Whatever your ex did or didn't do, that's not our problem anymore.

All hail NC.

Last edited by magnesium; 30th March 2017 at 11:52 AM..
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Old 31st March 2017, 1:10 AM   #320
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So right now I'm doing a no contact with my ex with one stipulation. I only respond when he reaches me back. It was mutual but the reason we split was because he was emotionally unavailable and he needed to get himself right. So we're supposedly "friends" but I want to let him reach out to me since he claims that I was always more invested in him. He's reached out to me twice since the break up and now I'm just slowly letting him fade into the background until he's ready to continue talking to me. I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing. He's a great guy, but obviously right now there's no way for us to get back together in this moment. But I think that going NC on my end and just letting him reach me when he wants is best. Anyone ever had the same situation? How'd it work out for you!
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Old 4th April 2017, 1:04 PM   #321
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My ex split with me and we've been apart for 2 weeks shy of 2 months. She was my first love.

After the 2nd week of NC, I broke the silence to tell her how I respected her decision but still believed in us and told her how I needed her to know that I still think our love is worth another shot.
I'm not sure this was the right thing to do but she responded to let me know it was a hard call to make, that she is also in pain and needs time to heal. She said she'd consider my request but also said we should move on in the meantime, regardless of what happens to us.

The week after that I broke NC again to drop her the bday gift I never had the chance to deliver. My conscience is clear, I did everything I could...I'm no longer holding out for her.

I'm currently moving toward my fifth week of strict NC and I already feel slightly better. Music, personal projects and working out have been a tremendous help but the pain is recurrent. My chest still hurts when I recall our times together, our last breakup kiss, how we laughed and cried together before I walked her home and said goodbye.

She was the girl next door. It was an open door but now I realize it's locked until further notice.

Last edited by Gene Clark; 4th April 2017 at 2:00 PM..
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Old 18th April 2017, 8:12 AM   #322
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Originally Posted by Gene Clark View Post
My ex split with me and we've been apart for 2 weeks shy of 2 months. She was my first love.

After the 2nd week of NC, I broke the silence to tell her how I respected her decision but still believed in us and told her how I needed her to know that I still think our love is worth another shot.
I'm not sure this was the right thing to do but she responded to let me know it was a hard call to make, that she is also in pain and needs time to heal. She said she'd consider my request but also said we should move on in the meantime, regardless of what happens to us.

The week after that I broke NC again to drop her the bday gift I never had the chance to deliver. My conscience is clear, I did everything I could...I'm no longer holding out for her.

I'm currently moving toward my fifth week of strict NC and I already feel slightly better. Music, personal projects and working out have been a tremendous help but the pain is recurrent. My chest still hurts when I recall our times together, our last breakup kiss, how we laughed and cried together before I walked her home and said goodbye.

She was the girl next door. It was an open door but now I realize it's locked until further notice.
Sad, but beautiful. I think I may do the same with telling my ex that one day I do feel like we can maybe work things out. But for right now I also plan on doing NC and sticking to it until I heal.
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Old 10th May 2017, 11:54 PM   #323
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This article has definitely helped me with my break up. I think it's missing some points that I'd like to add as I dive deeper into this subject and how I'm feeling.

Girlfriend of 4 and half years broke things off with me a month ago and started seeing someone else already; I'm absolutely gutted about it right now.
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Old 4th June 2017, 9:34 PM   #324
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I'm into 2 weeks apart with my ex from a 8 month relationship.

Right after we broke up, she's already started to talk to someone else. She blocked me everything from social media to whatsapp. Then right after her trip back from vacation, I started contacting her again. We talked and she felt no misery or any sort while I, myself, on the hand feels terrible for the past few weeks. I got her to allow me back to contact her again, but sadly a day later she went back and block me again.

I did whatever I could and yet despite the efforts and things I've done for her, I feel like all the fault is being pushed to me for causing the break up. Yes I admit I am by no means a perfect bf, I do take the responsibility over my mistakes, and yet the mistakes done was held against me as a reason for breaking up WHICH was not the very reason we agreed to. She even said it is entirely my fault.

I feel like she's looking for solid reason to not making herself look bad for dumping me and I'll be the jerk who deserves to be treated this way. Now I'm doing whatever I can to bring myself back up and recover from this pain.
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Old 7th June 2017, 4:22 AM   #325
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I am currently NC with an ex whom I was with for 2 years. The thing that's keeping me in NC is not willpower but shear and absolute fear; the ex before this broke up with me and immediately began seeing someone else. I have never been through such emotional pain - I can't risk going through that again so I don't want to know ANYTHING about the current ex's life.

But saying that, I'm finding this so difficult. I haven't even received breadcrumbs (although I did tell her that I don't wish to be friends because she hurt me too much). I have considered contacting her, but I have no idea what I'd say.
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Old 21st June 2017, 10:23 PM   #326
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I am 7 days - although I would count 14 days because the interaction the week prior had been all business about exchanging personal items.

Are you allowed to break it to exchange items? I want to send a final letter for closure after all the items are gone. I am trying to get over anger so it won't just be a ranty/angry letter that doesn't help anyone. But I think there are some things that if I don't say, I will regret. I think it's about standing up for myself.

Or is that a bad idea to break NC? By then it would be about 30 days of NC. And then the plan would be NC forever after that. And it wouldn't be a letter to ask questions but to just get a few points across so I have no regrets.
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Old 16th July 2017, 8:00 AM   #327
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I broke up with my ex, and after splitting with her, I went NC.

After 3 weeks, I caved and messaged her saying about reconciling and sorting things. She started to say how much I hurt her and that she can take some of the blame but not all of it. I said I know it was partly my fault too... Then I kind of got told by my Mum and Sister-in-law, what a mistake I was making, as they saw how she treated me, so I called it off. I think I was lonely and clasping at straws.

I've wanted to message her since as I do miss her so much, but it has been just over 2 months now, and she hasn't messaged me once, and she said that I'd regret leaving her, so I think she want's me to message first, so she has the power.

Going NC is great to a certain extent, but it only stops the pain a little bit, when you yearn for their attention, even when you know they're not the ones to fix you.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 7:22 PM   #328
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soulforge View Post
you have too keep in mind.. some dumpers are FORCED dumpers.. they had no choice..


In my case I was a forced dumper.. so not all dumpees are innocent people, who didn't deserve what they got.


some dumpees have bought this onto themselves by treating there partner in a poor way..


in that case.. is it not the job of the dumpee to actually reach out to the dumper to make things right and to reconcile???
This is so true, a very wise woman was telling me these exact same words last night.
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Old 22nd July 2017, 7:24 PM   #329
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I broke up with my ex after a three month relationship. She was cheating on me and so was I. I will own my own crap. I've learned so much from this relationship. My therapist suggested to send an apology text which i did but she never replied and I'm totally ok with that. I love her and miss her dearly but I wish her the best in this world.
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Old 29th July 2017, 1:24 PM   #330
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I'm at exactly two weeks NC, and she hasn't reached out to me once. She is dating someone new, and I told her that when she decided to move on; I'm gone. I honestly have found that No Contact is a good thing. It feels nice just knowing that I am not begging after someone who makes me an option when all I ever did was make her a priority.

I know that in the next year, there is a pretty good chance that she will reach out to me for one-thing or another, maybe.. And if she doesn't, then it will just be that much easier to move on and I won't have to worry about ignoring her.

This is one of the situations where I am NC but I am NC for good. I don't want to open the door to more hurt from her, and I know that many people use NC to get their partner back. I am using NC to prove the point that she has pushed me too far, and that I am finally once and for all done with her because I cannot take another ounce of hurt from someone in my life.
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