I did nothing wrong. She did nothing wrong. But we still broke up.

[funsun04]

I'm 24 and she's 24.

 

Backstory: We started dating 4-5 months ago. We met through mutual friends and connected so well that we go on two dates together and both agreed that those were the best dates we have ever been on. I was extremely excited to start dating this girl for I have never felt that comfortable with anybody, and neither has she. Unfortunately, the day after our second date I had to leave the country to England for two months for an internship. She was willing to wait for me. We talked everyday while I was out there on the phone and through texting. When we talked our conversations were fun and interesting and we would talk for hours. We would also instagram direct photos to each other to update each other on our lives. Everything was great and we were so excited to see each other once again. We would always make plans about what we could do together after I get back and it sounded like we could both be together for a really long time. Toward the end of those two months though she started getting so much stress in her life. Her parents were trying to get her arranged married ASAP. We're both Hindu and they want her married off to someone in their specific caste, which I am not in. She doesn't believe in that though and is constantly fighting her parents about it. She couldn't even live at home because of all the arguments and fighting. She told me that no matter what her parents say or do though, her feeling for me will not change. I was extremely comforted by that. Another issue in her life is lack of motivation and getting through things on her own. She gets distracted easy and because of that hasn't been in a job for over a year. She's trying to get places on her own now and it's causing her too much stress as well. She's trying to pass the GRE for grad school and then also find a counseling position because she has a psychology degree. I really want the best for her but the stress was definitely taking a toll on her. She would have so much anxiety and become insecure and nervous about her future. I didn't really think much of it when it came to our relationship until I finally got back from England to see her.

 

Two months later, I get back from England. We go on a date the next day to San Francisco and we were both super excited. I got her a small cute present and we head out for a fun day out in SF. We go sight seeing in the hills, watch an SF giants ball game, have a wonderful dinner, and see the city from up in the hills at night. I enjoyed myself. However, most of the time she was so out of it. She would zone out and be in her own little world. She didn't want to, it was just automatic. Her anxiety and stress causes her to do that. She was not usual self. She wasn't the person I've been talking to for months. She wasn't the fun loving and extroverted self. And because of that we couldn't connect that well on our date. I tried tried my best to connect with her but it was just different. The next day we acted as if nothing happened and then I called her at night. She tells me we need to talk and then asks if we can just be friends and stop dating. I was completely surprised by this as I could not imagine this to ever happen so soon. Especially since I JUST got back. Pretty much everything in her life, the stress, the anxiety, her family, is causing her to push me away. She can't be dating someone if she isn't 100% into it. And she really wants to get back on track in her life with no distractions, and I guess dating is considered a distraction. She's never been in a legitimate relationship before so I'm afraid she could just be running away from commitment. I don't know, maybe the timing is just wrong in her life. All I know is that she can't handle a relationship right now. She also said that we didn't connect that well on our date and she'd feel bad if we continued it like that. I told her I was hurt by this and over the next two weeks I tried convincing her about how perfect this was for both of us and now she's throwing it away. I also said I was hurt by this and wanted to be there to support her through her problems. I wish she would let me. We met up for lunch one day to see how things go, but that still didn't change her mind.

 

We both did nothing wrong. No fighting. No cheating. No lying. I was completely myself in this relationship for the first time in my life and it felt amazing. And I know she felt the same way too. She told me she's never trusted a guy this much and felt this comfortable. She's told me things she doesn't even tell her closest friends. She's had trust issues in the past and having me in her life felt special for once. And I felt special because of that. But I guess right now her anxiety issues maybe clouding her thinking, I don't know. Either way we're broken up now and I haven't talked to her in 12 days. I decided to start No Contact. I started because I secretly want her back. I don't want to get over her, because I know it was perfect and I know it can be amazing. I want her to miss me while I'm doing this, and realize what a big mistake she has made. I'm hoping that will happen. This is so hard for me but I have to do it. Keeping on trying to convince her will do absolutely nothing I feel.

 

I'm here on these forums to ask, is what I'm doing right? Doing no contact if I want her back someday? Am I supposed to try and just get over her instead? Ahhh, I want her so bad. And I'm not even over attached either, I've dated many girls in my life but for once this feels right. 7 days into no contact she texted me 'hey, how are you?'. I REALLY wanted to text back but I ignored it completely. I think she misses me, I hope she does. I saw that she liked some quotes on instagram that said "We loved with a love that was more than love". And another one said "I'd rather settle as your friend than lose you in the process of trying to convince you to become more than we can actually live through". I'm sure she misses me, but I just hate that we can't just be together. I feel like we can still be together with her issues, I don't mind, I can be as accommodating as she wants me to be.

 

Anyway, where do I go from here? I hate this so much. I hate these "games" of no contact and ignoring and what not. But if there's a solution to MAYBE getting her back one day, I want in.

 

Thanks.

[Purepony]

This is so sad :(I

Unfortunately its in her hands. You really can't do anything to change it, she doesn't feel the same way and for whatever reason you need to start moving on without looking back.

 

Stick to no contact because anything other than her admitting she made a mistake will just be a breadcrumb

 

I'm proud of you for standing your ground and implementing no contact.

 

If you feel that bad you can always reply with something like

 

" I'm sorry but at this moment we can't be friend I need time to focus on myself and I would appreciate it if you gave me my space"

[lauri]

First and foremost, I'm impressed you iniated NC and have the strength to not respond to any of her breadcrumbs. You are definitely on the right path...

 

NC is a tool to help you get over your ex, not get them back. You need to do it regain your strength and avoid any additional unnecessary pain that will come through the relationship ending. However, breakups are always an ego thing. A lot of times, if you go NC immediately after a breakup, it bruises the ego of the person who dumped you (they can't believe you are moving on from them that fast!).

 

Unfortunately, your ex is now trying to put you into the friendzone. A girl who is truly interested in being with you can never ever think of you as a friend. She's been acting distant to you and I guess she must have been thinking about ending it with you for sometime...just the time alone while you were on vacation gave her enough time to build up the courage to do it. Her excuses for ending it with you all scream one thing - I've lost interest and I'm no longer in love with you.

 

Your only chance of ever potentially getting back with her will be if you actually legitimately move on and stick to NC. You need to improve youself in all aspects of your life and become a better person.

 

You need to realize if you break NC she will only want to be your friend. You do not respond unless she says "I made a mistake, I want you back". Her wanting to keep you as a friend will only serve her needs and will actually lower your chances of being with her even more. I'm a believer that as soon as a girl loses interest in you its over forever...but perhaps in 1-2 years down the road you two may reconnect, as completely different people, and fall inlove.

 

Even if she does want you back, do not rush back into a relationship with her. 99% of people do and they end up getting dumped again (I see it all the time on LS). I believe that if you rush back in as soon as they come back, that you are showing them that you are OKAY with them breaking up with you. Breaking up with someone isn't a joke and only you can establish that you won't stand for that.