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My boyfriend slept with a prostitute!


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I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I found out that 18 months ago, he cheated on me with a prostitute when i was out of town. When i confronted him about it, just a few days ago, he denied it. But after about half an hour of questioning him, he admitted to it. HE said that he only did it once.

 

We had a very loving, caring, supportive relationship.I thought we had the perfect relationship, I thought we'd be one of those rare couples that stayed together forever. But this has shocked me to the core. I loved him with all my heart, and i thought he did too. HE says that he loves me, and that he always has and will. But if he did, then how could he do this to me? When i asked him why he did it, he said that he was stoned and that he didn't know what he was doing. Then he said that he wanted something different.

 

I just can't believe it, and i'm finding it very hard to cope. I feel betrayed and deceived. If i didn't find the receipt and confront him, he would never have told me the truth. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose me. He said he never wanted to break up with me, that he regretted what he did, as soon as he did it. But i don't know if he regrets doing it, or getting caught.

 

I'm so hurt and angry, I think i'm still in shock. I never knew anything was wrong because there were never any signs, he was always the same, like nothing had happened. I find myself thinking the same things over and over again and it's driving me crazy. I change my mind every two seconds. I don't know whether to totally end it with him forever, or give him another chance. On one hand, I love him so much, maybe we can get this past this, but on the other hand i think, how can i ever trust him again? If he really loved me, he could never do this to me.

 

We've spoken a few times since this has happened and he's been crying, sobbing his eyes out. Should i believe that this is genuine, or fake? I desperately need some advise, what should i do?? Somebody please help me!

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Lainie,

 

I am very sorry for your pain. However, I hope he at least used protection. I am not very good at giving advice, however, I do not see how it is possible to trust him immediately. I would initiate a NC and work on myself. I know that is hard to do...but you must do it for yourself.

 

atty

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As much as it will hurt...this is something you need to let GO....this isn't just cheating. This is PAYING some NASTY girl with God only knows how many diseases for sex. I can understand MAYBE if he was drunk, was hanging out with some girls and one made a pass at him and it just "happened"...this is something he went looking for. In all honesty, you have to be a really LOW person to sleep with a prostitute..especially when you have a woman at home that loves you. I know you are gonna do what your heart tells you to do regardless of what ANYONE says, but I would move on and just NOT speak to him to make it easier...GOOD LUCK!!!

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Lainie,

 

also forgot to mention this, I have at least two friends who have used the services of prostitutes. Once they realized what they had done (however, neither had a wonderful woman they loved waiting for them), they were horrified, embarrassed, and realize how incredibly low they sank. (It was over a year ago and still rag on them constantly about that) I can honestly say, IMHO, that your ex-bf has to be feeling like s**t bigtime! He definitely has some self esteem issues that need to be dealt with. I understand right now you are in complete shock, but stay strong and the folks on this forum will help ya out (there are some smart folks here). Man, you ex-bf is a complete loser...your are better off. In time, you will realize that.

 

atty

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I'm sorry you are going through this pain.

 

I think that if it was the very first time(unfortunately it is unlikely you'll ever know for sure) it is better he slept with a prostitute than with a co-worker, a friend or even a girl he picked up in a bar.

At least when you sleep with a prostitute there are not love/emotions involved, she got paid to have sex with him -he didn't court her, seduce her, invested time/emotions on her- and when you sleep with a prostitute it is just sex and then she's out of your life.

 

Had he come clean, hadn't you needed to find the receipt to know the truth, I'd say: try to give him a chance: he confessed, he's feeling horrible about it and he's crying his eyes out.

 

But since you found out by yourself, you'll never know whether he'd have ever confessed....and you can't know if he's crying and feeling bad because of what he did or because he got caught and now he risks to be dumped.

 

Obviously he is afraid to lose you...he might be in love with you....but was this only a big mistake he made one time, or would he have done it again and again and again hadn't he been caught?

 

Your heart (and your guts) alone can tell you whether he deserves being given a chance or not.

 

Meanwhile, I suggest you follow atty's advice about having a period of no contact and work on yourself.

Take your time. All the time you need to decide what's best for you.

 

And get tested for STDs as soon as possible.

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I am sorry for your pain and anguish. Know that you have already made the right decision. You're a smart gal. ;)

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. It will be really hard to trust him again, and i'm sorry but the excuse:

 

When i asked him why he did it, he said that he was stoned and that he didn't know what he was doing. Then he said that he wanted something different.

 

That to me doesn't fly. I smoke pot myself and I have never been so stoned to not know what I was doing. I don't even think that is possible.

 

The wanting something different is believable, but not the stoned part - sorry to say to you but i wanted you to know that stuck out for me. lame excuse.

 

I am very sorry for your pain. However, I hope he at least used protection. I am not very good at giving advice, however, I do not see how it is possible to trust him immediately. I would initiate a NC and work on myself. I know that is hard to do...but you must do it for yourself.

 

Atty did give you good advise, and I'd follow it. I'd also not let him back until he gives you a note from a doctors office with clean test results free from any stds, that is, IF you take him back. Get tested yourself, just so you know you're okay and not wondering yourself.

 

Good luck

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Thanks Adunaphel, and all who have replied so far.

 

I have had all the necessary tests done, and will find out the results soon. I hope i'll be ok. I understand what you said about him never telling me about it. I asked him about that and he said that he was never going to tell me because he didn't want to lose me. I asked to see his credit card statements to see if he only did it the once, and he was right about that. I know that doesn't make it any better, but maybe it makes it easier? I don't know. I just keep thinking, if he was really happy with me, he could never do this to me, could he?

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Originally posted by Lainie

I asked to see his credit card statements to see if he only did it the once, and he was right about that.

 

A prostitute takes credit cards?! Does she swipe it between her tits or what?

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I wouldn't take him back. I would feel it diminished ME by sleeping with a loser that had to pay for sex. At least he could have tried to pick up something FREE at a bar, no matter how ugly.

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I just keep thinking, if he was really happy with me, he could never do this to me, could he?

 

People sometimes do very stupid things for apparently no reason.....even if they love the person thay are with.

 

It could be one of those cases of a guy who cheats only once in his life with a woman that means nothing to him and then feels like sh*t and does never do it again. They are rare cases though.

 

It is strange he kept the receipt though. Perhaps he wanted to get caught and did not know it?

It is also strange that he used his credit card...'serial cheaters' usually are smarter than that.

 

Is he willing to try to get back your trust(that is, in case you decide to stay with him?)...giving you access to his email, cell phone, stuff like this?

If so, it might be a good sign.

Did he ever tried to shift the blame on you when you confronted him? If he didn't, and didn't pull any crap like he was feeling neglected, etc. that might also be a good sign.

 

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

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He never tried to shift the blame onto me. He said that i'm wonderful, and i did nothing wrong. He said that he loves me and can't live without me. He said he regretted it as soon as he did it, and that he didn't tell me because he knew i would leave him. I packed up all of my things when this happened and told him it was over. I was so furious, enraged. He was already crying and begging me not to go. He said he made a stupid mistake and he wished it never happened because he knows how special i am. He has called me a few times and i have seen him twice (this all happened a week ago). He looks very remorseful and sad. He's lost weight and looks very gaunt (much like me now!) I asked him how he would feel if i did this to him. I asked him if he could forgive me, trust me, etc... And that was exactly what i'm thinking about and going through now. It's just so surreal, the night before this happened, he cooked me dinner and we were talking about our travel plans for next year and our old age together. What a bastard.

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Urban Rubble01

Well, I've got to say, if he was just stoned from smoking pot then that has nothing to do with it. Drunk is a semi legitimate excuse, but I smoke pot myself and I never got so stoned I cheated on my girlfriend.

 

I haven't read other people's advice in here, and I may get some **** for this, but I would say that if you love him to give him a chance. He had a moment of weakness, only you know him well enough to judge whether he can be trusted to not do it again. If he is sincere about wanting you back then he will have no problem with doing it on your terms. You've got to decide if you love him enough to give it another shot. If you do and you think it's worth it, I say take him back but on some sort of resctricted terms. Sometimes people have legitimately out of character, one in a lifetime mistakes. Try to take some solace in the fact that he's only done it once and that it was 18 months ago. I know that isn't much, but it does prove that it was a mistake and not a systmatic plan.

 

It's really up to you, do you love him enough to try and work it out or did this hurt you too much ?

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How do you know it was only * once *.. ? The answer is : you DON"T !

 

Now remember he got caught and thats the ONLY REASON that YOU KNOW....Yes it was along time ago but how can you be sure that he didn't pay another girl to spread her legs ?

 

It sounds mean and if you love him you work it out but YIKES thats just soooo nasty I dont think I could let him touch me again if I were you

 

Yuck :(

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The pot excuse is SOOOOOO lame. I've been drunk and stoned - yes, very drunk and/or stoned - and NEVER was there a time when I didn't know what I was doing. Sure, I may have been curled up puking or licking the pavement and praying that I would puke, and unable to stand, but as long as I was conscious, I had judgment and a choice of how to behave. (Well, maybe not the choice to stand up.)

 

The reality is...he probably loves you a lot, but he got horny, and wanted some variety (had there been a little tiff?) and got stoned to give himself an excuse. At that moment, his desires overrode his feelings for you (and also his fear of getting his head ripped off by you).

 

You don't HAVE to end it because of this. Cheating doesn't have to be an automatic end. But it is a serious crisis, at least, that requires a serious and sincere response on his part. Check out <URL removed> for post-affair recommended actions for a (seemingly????) committed couple. Ask him if he is willing to work on it diligently. You two may be able to fix it. He needs to take some serious and lasting actions to prove that he won't repeat this.

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the only reason he is sorry is cuz he got caught, hes not sorry for losing you, or losing the bond, cuz he mest up that bond when he went and had sex with this other woman. I doubt hes even sorry, i just think he feels stupid for being caught, cuz maybe he thought he would never get caught, and most likely this wasnt the only time hes cheated, its the only time u caught him so how can u ever know ????

 

Plus him denying it when u first asked shows hes a liar, how can u ever trust him again? I know u love him, cuz obviously..but if u get back u will be tormented by the thought of this daily and eventually it will break the two of u again, i think for now you just need time to be alone, see life without him and he needs to realize what the hell hes donea nd not just say "im sorry and cry and moan" but to actually PROVE hes sorry!!

 

 

Im sorry but he has screwed up big time!!!!!!! I think you deserve better, and this should be a realization that you can never be to sure with someone. Men are liars, but there are guys who will resist the temptation and pick you over someone else adn thats when u will know someone truly loves u..

 

i think he doesnt even know what he wants right now....and for now i see not much of a future for the two of u, maybe in a year or two u might forgive him and mayeb u guys can work out..but if u take him back now u will always doubt him and feel sick when u have sex with him...

 

Goodluck..either way it hurts but the hurt that comes with being alone will atleast fade away, but if u remain ure hurt will last years, and ure young and u shouldnt put up with this behavior!!

 

Goodluck and have faith in YOURSELF!

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Originally posted by tikibrandy

A prostitute takes credit cards?! Does she swipe it between her tits or what?

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Hahahahahahah.....ah that's great

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Originally posted by Lainie

He never tried to shift the blame onto me. He said that i'm wonderful, and i did nothing wrong. He said that he loves me and can't live without me. He said he regretted it as soon as he did it, and that he didn't tell me because he knew i would leave him. I packed up all of my things when this happened and told him it was over. I was so furious, enraged. He was already crying and begging me not to go. He said he made a stupid mistake and he wished it never happened because he knows how special i am. He has called me a few times and i have seen him twice (this all happened a week ago). He looks very remorseful and sad. He's lost weight and looks very gaunt (much like me now!) I asked him how he would feel if i did this to him. I asked him if he could forgive me, trust me, etc... And that was exactly what i'm thinking about and going through now. It's just so surreal, the night before this happened, he cooked me dinner and we were talking about our travel plans for next year and our old age together. What a bastard.

 

 

 

To Lainie:

 

Real men do not cheat,aren't mean....and are not abusive to their women in any kind of way. Everybody make mistake,but when u cross the line to cheat...that is the border line.

 

I will punish him by doing the "No Contact" and back off from him completely,no phone call,e-mail,no visiting and no form of contact with him. Also make him pay for what he did and don't let him back in so easy,cause if u do...all u doing is telling him that his behavior was ok,so play hard to get for a couple weeks,even a month.

 

 

Several tactic that u should use on him.

 

1. When he call......just talk about a min or and say...ok i got some errand to run....got to go. Alway's end the conversation first and hang up the phone first. That showing him u confidence and independent woman.

Never tell him after u hang up first that u will call back or i talk with u later.

 

2. Never call him,let him do the calling. Remember,he the one that cheated on u....and he the one that got to win your heart back.

 

Let him pursue after u,but remember to play the hard to get thing first.

 

4. If he want u back...make him earn his way back in and u need to tell him that.

 

5. But first u need to break all form of contact with him to let him know you didn't appreciated what he did to u....i say about 3 weeks. It going to be hard but u can do it. Remember now you got your self-respect and yourself to worry about now.

 

6. Remember when he call u.....and u pick up the phone. Don't bring up what he did to u,cause it the pass now....and appear that u are very happy(even thro u still hurting on the inside),but don't show it toward him.

 

I hope this help u......

 

 

"True love never hurt"

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I'm hurting so much right now, yesterday was one of my lowest days. I just broke down crying in the middle of the street. I cried so hard that i didn't think i would be able to breathe. I was thinking about all the great times we've had and then this. I just can't make a decision. I don't know whether i'm justifying myself to get back with him or to leave him. I don't know if i can just get on with things. I really can not imagine my life without him, but at the same time, how do we re-build a relationship? I know that we all make mistakes, this one that he did is massive, but maybe there is hope. I'm so incredibly hurt, i feel wounded. Maybe we could go to counselling or something........ what type of guy sleeps with a hooker, is it something most men do in their lifetimes????

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It's not normal for a guy to pay for a prostitute, sorry.

 

On the other hand, just last night in Nashville (15 miles from home), we had a prostitution bust in a strip club. Detectives walked in to "open sexual acts between clients and dancers during private dances". They got busted for prostitution. Nas-TAY.

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savethedrama4allama

I've been unable to add anything to this post because I don't know what to say.

 

It wigs me out that there are men who would do this. Makes me paranoid. I lose faith in the human race when I read stuff like this.

 

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I think you made the right decision to leave. Some say that its better that he paid for sex because he didn't have an emotional attachment, and I can see that point of view. However, I say its worse! I can understand how people fall out of love and in love with someone else. But to cheat on your girlfriend with a prostitute is throwing all trust and everything you've built away for the simple act of getting off. To top it off, he paid money to ruin his relationship instead of doing it with some random woman.

 

Lainie, I'm really thinking of you and I hope you have strength and comfort in this time. I am a believer that relationships can be repaired after almost anything, but I don't think this one should be. The fact that it was paid sex makes it wrong in a multitude of ways.

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I know, I hear you. On one hand it's good he wasn't in love with someone and was having an affair, on the other this is just the worst thing to do. I'm disgusted. I didnt think he was like this, capable of doing this. I feel like i don't know him now, but at the same time, like has everything over the last 4 years been a lie??? I just want to die!

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If i didn't find the receipt and confront him, he would never have told me the truth

 

They give receipts :eek:. OMG.

 

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine how it feels, and just imagining it hurts. I know this won't mean much to you right now, but you have made the RIGHT decision by leaving him. You don't deserve someone who will do that to you.

 

I know it hurts to hear this, but he couldn't love you as much as he claimed if he was willing to hurt you this bad, AND complicate your health with diseases he could have gotten from a prostitute (or anyone else for that matter). If you leaving for a short time "made" him resort to sleeping with a hooker, then you DO NOT need him in your life. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? Let me rephrase that. How COULD you spend the rest of your life with someone like that? The thought of him doing that to you would replay itself in your mind over and over.

 

I really think you've made the best choice by leaving him. Don't answer his calls anymore, push him out of your life, and move on with someone who really will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

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