She wanted me to dump her

[pound5050]

Long story feel free to skip to the ** for the important part

 

Ok. I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years that has been so crazy I am seriously considering writing a book about. Honestly, If I told you the play by play you would think I was lying. A quick break down: We met in rehab. Two weeks later dating, a year late we had a son. We've both been to jail, she's been to rehab at least 3x since and mental facility (baker act) another 3x she is currently in a facility now. She gets a VA check for PTSD and lives off that I currently have no job. We were living with my parents until a week ago. She is currently pregnant with what I assume is my child.

 

To make a long story even shorter when she told me she was pregnant I told her that I thought she should have an abortion. We argue all the time. We are living with my parents. My son is well taken care of and loved by both sides of the family but realistically without the help we receive from them, things would not be so rosey. So after she tells me she wants to keep it, and goes to her family and tells them what a scumbag I am she leaves and moves in with her folks. She stops taking her anti depressant cold turkey and two days later I get a call that she just freaked at her parents house and needs me to pick up my son as shes going to the funny farm for a 1013(?) commiting herself for a hold.

 

So I drive up and pick up my son and give her a ride to the er. Drop my son off with my mom and go sit with her. When they bring her back they kick me out. She calls once to tell me she's going to another city with a VA hospital, etc and we talk once a day for past 4 days she's there.

 

* One more quick back story, the last few months things have not been good. Her family hates me and are constantly in her ear to leave me. We argue all the time. She has been physically violent. She gained a bunch of wait and is up to 170lbs on a 5foot frame, (When she met she was a healthy 120). I mean it's all falling apart at the seams, it seems. I'm not perfect by any means, trust me if you met me I'm sure you'd think I was an *******. But one thing is for sure, I do love her. I love my son and if she is going to have another child by me I would rather stay with her and work things out rather than go to court and all that drama that comes with that.

**

So today we're talking and she's got an attitude and I tell her, look for so long you've been talking to me like **** and I am tired of it. She tells me " I hate your guts. I hate everything about you. I hate you. I don't want to be with you. I hate you". I told her that I felt like she had felt that way for a while and that I was glad that she could at least be honest. She said nothing, so I said "well I guess we don't have anything to talk about" and she hung up the phone.

 

Two minutes later she's calling me back and at first I don't answer but I understand I'm not 16 and pick up and she tells me she didn't really mean what she said. I said I believe you did, and I believe that you are too afraid to say it. She denies it and I say "you know what, I think you did mean that and I feel like you were scared to break up with me because you're scared of being alone but you don't really want to be with me, and you want me to be the one to put an end to this relationship.

 

To make a long story short I feel like she has checked out of this relationship for a long time. Ever since we met this thing has been crazy. But I feel like she needed me to end it because that way she could do whatever she is gonna do with a good conscience or at worst blame me for whatever she is about to go through. I'm not sure but when I told her I believe what she is saying because she has been acting like she hates me she ends the phone call with, "WELL IF THAT"S WHAT YOU WANTED YOU GOT IT. YOU DID THIS".

 

Haven;t spoken to her since.

 

Obviously she is a nut bag, but she is my nut bag. I hate to lose her I really do.

 

Any feedback is really what I'm looking for. I am a full time student and she called me in the middle of an important essay and I had to allow myself til 10:30 (2 hours) to concentrate on how I feel. Everybody says the best thing that could happen is you guys break up. But breaking up and being manipulated into being told you broke up with someone is hard to do.

 

thanks for reading.

[Oregon_Dude]

Whatever, she just doesn't want the responsibility of being the "bad guy", so she wants you to do it in order to assuage her guilt.

 

You argue all the time. She's violent. That's it. RUN.

 

Find a normal, healthy woman. Do it, break up with her. You've got to have more self-esteem than this, to stay with such a psycho.

 

Report back once you've broken up. Be strong.

[pound5050]

I appreciate the reply.

 

It's hard for me to come to terms with the end of this relationship. To me 4 years feels like a lifetime and now I'm locked down with 1 child and another on the way. I do have self esteem and I know I'm a good looking dude, but it's the not having a safety net (ie: the easy sex, the partnership, shared responsibility of children, etc) that makes me anxious.

 

But I do understand and appreciate your words. You only got one life. Honestly, I'm scared. But the truth is I'm acting like a real ***** worrying about losing a kook like her. Yeah rejection sucks, yeah I don't wanna be alone, yeah we share history and children together, but what would sticking through another 4 years of this ******** be like? I'd be 32 and starting over? Wasting 8 years of my life, rather than 4?

 

I need to accept that this is how she wanted it, and right now where I sit, I do. But I also know tomorrow is a long day, and I will have nothing but my wonders and my thoughts and I hope I don't ***** out and accept her apologies.

 

I honestly know she felt what she said and that we're both codependent and want the security of the relationship, not each other.

 

I just hope I can keep my mind right 24 hours from now but I'm also afraid I'll take the easy way out.