bearsfan2207 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 So long story short (I'm lesbian).. But my girlfriend and I were together for a little more then a year and half. In May, out of no where she texted me saying we need to talk. So over the phone she told me we need a break, I was so confused and hurt. We were on a break not seeing other people, so I thought. We went on a date about once a week... acting still like a couple kissing, slept together... until mid-June. I finally asked her, what are we? She said we need to break up, but wants to be friends. I was crushed like crying/bawling/miserable. We went 10 days without talking, she texted me saying hey and asking how I was. I got mad at her, not giving me time to move on. A couple days later she texted me saying she lost her job, I felt bad and called her to talk to her about it. We started talking, somehow she mentioned she was already talking/dating someone else for over a month. I lost it, like crying and mad. I said we need to officially go no contact until I'm okay being friends, she got mad and was super rude. She called out any of my insecurities, like low blows. I was so hurt. So it's been five days no talking, I'm freaking miserable, crying multiple times a day, but trying to maintain life by working out/eating healthy. Nothing is helping me though. I still feel terrible and don't know to move on or focus on anything else! Link to post Share on other sites
JimmyWeezy Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Girl... Basically same situation, and I'm gay. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 oh feel bad for you..... she said the friend word because she feels guilty and sounds like she had someone else already behind your back...sucks just NC Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Going NC shows balls and independence, not insecurity. So yep, she can't have her cake and eat it too. She wants to date that girl, okay, she's lost you in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
I am Bud Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Dear bearsfan2207 Breakups are awful particularly when you think that everything is fine and then it hit's you out of nowhere. You will definitely need some time to get over this and for you to ask your ex not to contact you is a very good idea. She should have shown a bit more empathy with your situation because it was her that decided to be with someone else to begin with. For her to get angry at you for wanting space is really quite unacceptable. She can't have her cake and eat it all expecting everything to be fine. The worst thing that you can probably do at this point in time is to sit on your feelings all on your own. You need to reconnect with family and friends so that they can give you the emotional and moral support that you need. Don't see crying as a bad thing. It's the body's natural response of dealing with powerful emotions. Let it flow until you are healed. You will get through this like we have all done and then move on to bigger and better things. You will see later on that you are better of without her and that there will be someone better for you out there. All the best - Bud 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gj13 Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 The best thing you can do is start something differently, really. Break your routine, join a new class, reconnect with your friends and family, start a course on something you like... anything that strikes your fancy and that's DIFFERENT. I cannot emphasize this enough. It will keep you busy and the novelty will make you feel excited. This is what worked for me. I started taking dance lessons and enrolled myself in school again to start my master degree and I'm a month and half through NC and i feel SO MUCH better. I know that it's not a lot of time in my case but i'm finally feeling good because i'm doing something FOR ME. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissHim1313 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Be strong and maintain no contact. Only this time, when she contacts you with a problem, act disinterested. Obviously she wants to keep you around as a safety net. In case things don't work out with the new relationship, she knows she still has you. The only chance you have of getting her back is to refuse to be her safety net. Tell her something like, Why are you calling me with your problems? You broke up with me, remember. She'll get mad, but that's a good thing. You're not being rude, but you're letting her know that you won't be there for her if your not together. That may make her reconsider. It may not, but it's the best chance. Plus, you're protecting yourself at the same time. Good luck. Keep me posted 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spaceboy409 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 i am in the same boat....she held on to me till she had someone new also. I'm not even sure how long they were seeing each other while we were taking "our break" but i'm so sorry I know how hard it is. I am absolutely miserable after 12 days of NC. Some days I don't think I'll ever stop loving this person who really used me as a doormat for two years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bearsfan2207 Posted August 3, 2014 Author Share Posted August 3, 2014 Long story short.. (Lesbians) My girlfriend and I were together for a little more then a year and half. Back in May, she asked to go on a break, but not seeing other people. We went on a date about once a week until mid-June when I finally asked her I need her to figure out what we are. She said we need to break up, but wants to be friends. I was crushed, asked for no contact. A couple days later she contacted me saying she lost her job, I called her for support and we were talking when she told me she was talking to someone else. I took it very poorly asking no contact at all, I will come to you when I'm ready to be friends. She took some low blows on that calling out all my insecurities just because I said we can't talk for a while. Well I went 3 weeks with no contact (struggled a lot) and during that time I finally got selected as a Navy Officer, so she messaged me to congratulate me. I just said thanks, very short answered, making obvious I didn't want to talk/be friends yet. Anyways, her birthday is tomorrow and I don't know if I should contact her? I still struggle a little after a month of no contact, but way better then I was a month ago! Happy to say that! Link to post Share on other sites
music_and_poetry Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Your ex's birthday is just another day in the year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 just let it go. no birthday wishes. nothing. it's not your special day and contacting her just shows how weak you are; she could string you along more, play with your emotions, etc. let it pass and stay NC Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 No need to contact her just because it is her birthday. I am sure the other person she's been moving on with will do that. At this point you two are neither lovers nor friends. You were wise to stay NC. Congrats on your success! Link to post Share on other sites
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