I never believed I would be healing so much, but it's happening.

[sooshi]

Dear LSers,

 

I came here in March shortly after I learned of my ex-fiancé pursuing my best friend (and her letting it happen, enjoying the attention and the desire, not telling me until at least a couple of weeks later, etc). The broken engagement was painful enough, and the pain I was feeling was amplified exponentially by this.

 

I posted on here seeking insights and advice, most of which fell on deaf ears. People were saying that my ex was not a kind person, that my friend betrayed me, etc. I couldn't see it that way. I was too naive. I was overly forgiving and understanding. My ex-fiance was right in saying that I was manipulative, inauthentic, and trustworthy. He'd told me that he'd see me in another life (except hopefully not). He told me he'd spent the entire day hating me with every fibre of his being, after blocking him on Facebook and having my friend and encouraging a relative of hers (who was his FB friend) to do the same.

 

He wrote her a love song and sent it to me, but told me not to assume what it was about. Told me he was never in love with me. Etc etc etc. This hurt more than the broken engagement itself. And since he started to flirt with her so soon after the engagement (days), I feel like he left me to pursue her.

 

Over time, I came to see the situation for what it was -- that the blame was placed on me, and that they valued attention/spark over me/our friendship. That I was completely disrespected, that I was betrayed by two people who must have felt like they do anything that I would be understanding about it.

 

It hurt so much. My ex's words and actions led me to think I was a terrible person, so much that I wanted to end my life. Because I was such a terrible person who didn't deserve to live in this world.

 

But I don't think like that anymore. I know I'm not what he said. I know I was really, really good to him. And I know that he was not all that good to me.

 

I know that I deserve better. I deserve friends who don't just say they care about me, but who actually show it.

 

I have not be in contact with either for quite a while - my ex, over three months; my "friend", in almost a month. Neither has reached out to me. I don't really care anymore.

 

Because they don't care.

 

I've become so much more assertive because of this, and with the help of people here. From people's words to me and/or to others.

 

I've developed a lot of self-respect and self-love. I've developed boundaries. I'm doing things that are good and healthy for me.

 

I'm healing. A lot. And I couldn't have done it without LoveShack.

 

Thank you. I was one of those people who thought that they would never get better. I was in love with the same person for over four years. It was never reciprocated.

 

I get it. I truly get it. And I deserve better, so much better. I deserve to be in a healthy, loving, relationship, one with mutual care, respect, admiration, and empathy.

 

Yep.

 

And so do you.

 

It gets better. It really does. I really, honestly didn't think it would. But it does, and it has. Not peeking at their social media or anything like that really helps. It's hard to not contact them at first, but it gets easier over time.

 

Be good to yourself. Be kind and gentle.

 

It does get better. It really, really does.

 

Thank you so very much, LoveShack, for being a huge part of my healing journey.