Case of G.I.G.S - Is this it?

[JustBreath]

Hi All!

 

New here; first post! I hope it's as interesting as you're expecting it to be. Please take your time to read, it's quite the story.

 

Straight to the point. I'm a 22 year old man & I have been with a 22 year old women (just last week turned 23).

 

We actually met each other on a cruise ship, she was the cruise ship singer. It wasn't a wild cruise, it was actually teaming with the older generation which myself and my Mother preferred.

 

We hit it off instantly. She was meant to disembark in September and we met on 2nd of June. She was actually let go 2 1/2 months early for some trivial reasons.

 

As soon as she was home (England) she called me instantly and broke the news to me. She had entertained the thought of me visiting her on the ship before I had to leave and was excited at the possibility of seeing each other again. She called when she was home, invited me down for the weekend and things couldn't of been more in place.

 

After 2 months of seeing each other on the weekends, we decided to make it official (not on Facebook, absolutely not) - After 4 months of being together, her dad actually gave us permission to move into his company's building spare flat. Free electric, heating etc.

 

She was obviously looking for work away again on the ships, she had explained to me she was anxious about me wanting to be with her if she goes away for 4/5 months of the year (this wouldn't be at one time, this would be split into monthly sections) and I declared to her that this would not be the case.

 

So we're coming to the 9 month mark and everything is still splendid. I don't really believe in that "honeymoon phase" because when you FALL in love, everyday seems like the first. This should obviously be applied to both people.

 

We argued, but they weren't about our personal beliefs, life goals or challenges, but about trivial things. She is very headstrong, thirsty for life but also extremely spoiled (her dad is a self-made millionaire, if you like) and through-out her early childhood years/teens up unto mid-teens, she got what she wanted, but she knew this and tried to keep it minimal.

 

We were driving along one day, to go for a walk with some meditation medication, as you do, and she seemed... disconnected, concerned, which instantly I picked up so I asked her if she was okay, if she was unhappy or happy with anything. She didn't answer, due to her driving so I answered again, she pulled up, and explained to me how she felt.

 

She explained that she doesn't feel entirely happy in the relationship because of her working schedule. She feels guilty going away all the time and leaving me behind waiting for her return because she knows that's what I do.

Once more I declared to her that this does not matter to me, so I can't understand why it would bother her more when she thinks I am the one with the troubled mind? It just didn't add up but being the person I am I explained to her that she should do whatever she wants to do in order to feel fulfilled and happy. She was very upset. The waterworks were flowing and her hands were caressing me etc, it all seemed authentic.

 

Anyway, nothing really came about from that. We still lived with each other and tried not to be so 'involved' even though due to our lifestyles we weren't together for an unhealthy amount of time. We spent the same time away as we did together which WORKED. It really did.

 

Anyway, 2/3 months after this talk after everything (at face value and on my half) was going splendid. We were laughing and joking, going out as much as we could before she went away again for another 5 weeks on a Baltic cruise, she acted, spoke and behaved like she had realized what she had wanted in life and that this was it, with me. Forever or not, this is what she wanted right now. 1 week later, we're spending out last night together before she goes away, we had a row over the real definition of "Upper Class"- I'm from Birmingham and she is from Lincoln, she has a skill for the English language and everything must and should be pronounced properly or else!

 

It got so bad that her Mum got involved. I knew by how me and her Mother got along that she was in my corner even though I never looked at it like that, because I understood how stressful and tiresome it can be preparing to go away for a month+ living out of a suitcase and being away from loved ones, again... but this is what brought her money.

 

We made up, went out, got drunk, and slept. The morning of her departure and I'm helping her close her suitcase when I realize there is about 10-15 unopened condoms in her suitcase... I, very calmly asked her why they are there? She said that she is taking them for the "boys in the band in-case they get lucky) & like a sucker I bought it. I only bought it because I didn't want to have a full-blown argument in the last hour we had together.

 

We got to the coach, she was extremely upset. Hugging me and kissing me more than her Mum/Dad/Baby Bro/ actually delayed the coach by 10 minutes because she just didn't want to go.

When she was on her journey, she sent me about 8 text messages declaring her love for me, thanking me for everything and anything I help her with, sending me picture messages of us together saying she can't wait to come back and we shall book a holiday when she is back for her birthday (this was the 4th of May) - We spoke on the phone the same night, no mention of condoms, can't be bothered for hassle, she has never done anything like this before, maybe as dodgy as it looks she is literally looking out for her friends in the band who she's known a while. (Funny enough, a new drummer is starting with them who she's been with before, stereotypical good looking guy but nothing special) - we stay in touch bi-daily on Facebook, letting each other know how things are going etc.

 

May 18th. Finish work. Left my phone at home and I have a missed call, about an hour ago. I do the usual and check my Facebook and unsurprisingly have a message off of her. It's like I subconsciously predicted what was going to happen because by her wording of introduction, it just seemed more formal than spouse type.

 

She, very articulately, very politely and clutching at straws had broke up with me. Saying that no matter how wonderful the relationship is and can be at most times, things aren't compatible with whats happening, things aren't working anymore. She said that her unhappiness, no matter how unexplainable is ultimately hurting me and she doesn't want it anymore. This is complete BS. She is telling me how she makes me feel? It just doesn't add up.

 

I didn't message her back at all. She got in touch with me over Facebook 2 days AFTER she got off this ship and asked for the keys to the flat. I very bluntly asked for the address and she replied to it. Didn't reply to that one. She messaged me again 6 hours later telling me that she understands why I don't want to talk and that she thinks about me constantly and she misses me a lot and she'll especially miss me on her birthday. She kept telling me she misses me "I miss you! I just miss you! I know I shouldn't say but I just miss you! I care SO much, SO SO much you don't understand" etc... confusing and sabotaging the life out of my emotions... I was just happy we were speaking I guess but kept a firm attitude when responding. Going on to explain that this is what she wants/needs, and that I don't know what to say and she said she knows, and that she's sorry, so, so sorry.

 

I kept the messages to a minimum but she seemed very happy and appreciative of my correspondence... I didn't reply for a day and replied with something she couldn't really reply to. Her birthday came around and I was working away, being noble I called her to wish her happy birthday, off a friends mobile as I don't have one. No answer. I resulted in wishing her happy birthday over Facebook, also quite bluntly. No romance involved. She didn't believe I tried to call her but she checked and was shocked to learn that I did. She was literally over the moon, couldn't believe it. Asked if she could call back but I said no as I didn't have the phone. She messaged me saying that it would be wonderful if I could call her the following day as she was in bed, left me her house number. I got home & called her late on the night. It was a nice conversation, some things were covered but not as much as I'd like, it was more of a catch up news, primarily from her. It escalalted quite slowly but she ended up switching on the waterworks because she didn't know what to say, she told me not to refer the Facebook message as a "Facebook dump" because that's not what it was? Okay then...

 

Anyway, she called me the next day just to see how I was doing, I answered. We were speaking very amicably about things and work, then I started slowly asking questions. My first question was about the condoms... she declared that no matter how dodgy it looks, she didn't use them, that "they were just in my room and I dunno, I just cleared them in my suitcase"- she then followed on that she hasn't got the "time" for such a deep conversation. She entertained the thought of possibly coming down to get the keys, then backtracking saying what if we sleep together, I said I wouldn't mind and neither did she, but she didn't want things to end up how they were (When we were together) I simply just replied with a calm 'Yeahhhh' - She said she still feels like she made the right decision and it's all because of bad timing.

 

Her phone died. She popped up-to me on Facebook about 10 minutes later and said she's sorry that her phone died and left a couple of kisses.

 

I messaged her back explaining how I'd just looked through some of out Facebook message history and that we argued about very silly things none of which seem to have been dealt with by adults. She said "I know and I'm so sorry. I take full responsibility. I am a d**k"

 

I agreed. I said "Yes you are. You didn't have to look at the relationship like a job. Fitting me into your diary" bare in mind we were together a year and some people things don't happen, some people they do and this was a very, very special and loving year, we spoke about children, marriage, places to live etc.

 

I went on to say that I love her and hate her at the same time. That I wish I didn't hear her voice but happy that I did. I don't want to let her go because I don't know what she'll say to me in the future, but I don't want to speak to her for the same reason. That I feel like a right mug, because I thought this was the real deal, and speaking to her has reminded me of what was once me and her which she has ultimately ended.

 

I wrote a very, very emotional message to her because I had to. I couldn't wait for her phone to charge otherwise I'd lose momentum in my mind because I can see things I couldn't see earlier in the relationship.

 

I told her that I don't love her, that I am IN love with her. It's not her fault that I am in love with her and I don't regret giving everything I had from my heart and soul to the lining in my pockets. That I don't want to be used as an emotional napkin just to ease whatever feelings you are experiencing. That it's not fair that you only miss me when you're on land and don't bother when you're on the ship. I finished the message with "maybe, one day, but for now I can't just be on the other side of the phone. X" then I blocked her.

 

That was Friday the 13th (I know right) - Haven't spoke since. She did actually call my nieces phone at 3am the same night/early morning after I sent that. After my niece text her saying why she called she said that she is sorry and she actually didn't mean to call...

 

She also unfollowed me from that photo-sharing social application "Instagram" which she is a self-confessed addict. Literally, addict. From the day I met her she has not gone one day without uploading a picture of some sentimental value. Not one.

 

I know I'm paying attention to the very fine detail but I couldn't help but notice that she hasn't uploaded any pictures since I blocked her on Facebook.

 

She also manually searched for my profile and liked pictures last night! What do I do!?? Things like that I chew my mind over.

 

I want to give this girl a second chance I really do! I'm a big believer in 2nd chances but she hasn't made one conscious effort to get back to me. I don't have a mobile but she has my landline/email. She drives and hasn't bothered to come and see me. I'm probably just not that worth it for her.

 

She goes away again on the 23rd for a month, then she's back for 5 weeks.

 

I'm doing myself at the moment. Soul searching but I can't help but think of her constantly but this is her doing and what she wanted. She can't have me as a friend. How can be friends with someone you supposedly love? I can't be friends with someone I'm in love with and watch them fade out slowly getting with someone else. I just won't do it.

 

Thanks for the read. I know it's a lot. I tried explaining everything as it happened and how it happened.

 

What would you do? What would you do knowing you would give her a 2nd chance but knowing you can't be friends with her? I just think she is confused. Grass is greener and all of that...

 

Thank you all!

 

Tom