Jump to content

Ignore him or try to rebuild friendship?


Recommended Posts

Hi all,

 

I’ve been reading these forums for the past week and I’ve found them really helpful in terms of dealing with my recent breakup – I was hoping that a few of you on here might be able to take the time to read my story. I’d really appreciate your insights.

 

I met my now ex-boyfriend last year: we were at law school together and we’re going to work at the same law firm as of September. We became really good friends very quickly and we decided to go travelling together during the summer. At the end of our trip he kissed me and told me that he liked me. I was resistant at first because he’s my future colleague and because I had gone through a messy break-up only 6 months before. However, in the end he won me over. The beginning of our relationship was amazing and he was a very attentive boyfriend. My friends all remarked that he seemed to adore me. But then we began to argue a lot. Looking back, I think we spent too much time together – we’re in classes together all day (9.30am-4.30pm) and class can be a very hostile and competitive environment, and a lot of our arguments stemmed from class-related issues. I also carried some issues from my past relationship into my relationship with him: in my past relationship I was cheated on and I promised myself that I’d be strong in my next relationship, but in reality I was just controlling and demanding. I was definitely unreasonable on many occasions, and a lot of our arguments were started by me. In response he started to view our relationship with irritation. This all culminated in a big argument last week. I was angry and I said that I wanted to break up. He wanted to go on a break for a few days instead, to which I agreed. We went on a break for three days, and during that time I realised all the mistakes that I had made, and I realised that I really loved him and I wanted to be with him. He sent me a few texts during our break asking me how I was, so I was expecting him to want to make it work as well. But when we met up he said that he thought we needed space from one another. I was devastated that he wanted to break up. I asked him for another chance but he kept saying that he needed space. He said that he wanted to go back to being friends. I said that I didn’t think we could be friends but he was insistent that we would be. After he left he called a few of my friends to ask them to look after me as I was very upset. One of my friends asked him if the breakup was permanent and he said ‘I don’t know’. I sent him a long message a few days later apologising for everything that I did wrong in our relationship. I told him that I loved him but I didn’t beg for him back. He responded saying that he really missed being with me (the old us, but not the recent us). He asked to spend some time with me – he said that we had some things to talk through and, unfair as it was, he just wanted to be in my company again. We agreed to meet on Sunday, but on Friday night I saw him at a social event. I thought it best to ignore him but he came up to me and started a conversation. I was drunk and so I decided to leave but then I called him a number of times (circa 10 times) and left him answer phone messages telling him how much I love him and miss him (so embarrassing and stupid, I know – I’ve now deleted his number so this can’t happen again!) I texted him to apologise the next day – he said that it was fine but that it would probably be best if we didn’t see each other the next day. We didn’t have class last week but we have class all this week and it’s been torture being in the same room as him and hearing his voice behind me. When I saw him today he said, ‘hey baby’ then he corrected himself once he realised what he had said. Other than that we haven’t really spoken.

 

I don’t know what to do from here. I still love him and I desperately want to be with him, but I know that it’s not healthy to foster any hope of reconciliation. He was my best friend before we began our relationship, so I’ve lost my best friend as well as my boyfriend, and I feel lost without him. I can’t cut off all contact with him because I see him in class every day and at social events, and, from September onwards, I’ll see him at work. How should I act around him - should I be polite and civil where required and otherwise ignore him as far as possible? Or should I try to build back our friendship to where it was last year?

Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

what do you feel you want to be with him? what is the resolution you wish to have..are you angry at him?...deb

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

No, I'm not angry with him - he hasn't done anything wrong really. My overwhelming emotion at the moment is just sadness.

 

Yes, I want to be with him, and he knows that - I begged him for another chance when he was breaking up with me. But he said he needed space.

Link to post
Share on other sites
How should I act around him - should I be polite and civil where required and otherwise ignore him as far as possible? Or should I try to build back our friendship to where it was last year?

 

Yes, you be polite and civil and distance yourself. It's the only way to heal from this. Self-preservation is important when you're emotionally hurting.

 

No, you cannot build a friendship now when you are emotionally hurt and in pain.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...