umirano Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Hi all, ~2 yrs of LDR with visits about every 3 months. Met families and all. She's from the US but was living somewhere else. I'm European. She's 21 I'm 28. We broke up 2 months ago. After BU she kept contacting me every few days, I replied but I wasn't begging for her to take me back. I suggested NC, hard NC. She eventually stopped chatting me up, but got mad when I asked her to accept me removing her from social networks. She didn't want it. She has decided to go back to the US for good before, but then a family member of hers in the US had a medical emergency so she traveled early and contacted me to inform me about her international move and the plans she had (going back to university and getting a job). I expressed my regrets about the accident and wished her well. She sent me an email a few days after she arrived, which I replied to again politely but very succinctly. No more messages after that. About 2 weeks ago I went ahead and removed her from social networks and messengers anyway. Deleted her number, boxed her stuff up etc. Now she emails me again, asking about my family, telling me about her relative with the accident and how she's doing. She also asks about me. No fit of hers about hard NC, but I'm pretty sure she noticed by now. She did say she eventually wants to talk about getting back together. But she wants us to keep talking to each other, "talk our way back into a RS". I am concerned about being friend zoned. I really have no interest in being her go to person as a friend or whatever. I do see myself getting back with her, if we make it local (as does she). How do I proceed? Part of me says delete the e-mail and go my merry way, as per the orthodox NC philosophy, only talk to her when she talks RS again. Part of me says I should reply out of courtesy to her family member (who I appreciate much and feel very sorry for). She did not mention anything about her feelings towards me in said message. Is this a breadcrumb? Can I reply without giving her an ego feed? Without moving into the friend zone? Is it a jerk move not to reply and play tough guy? thanks for your attention Link to post Share on other sites
Author umirano Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 bump - why aren't the nc advocates not all over this? Is it not that straight forward? Link to post Share on other sites
Author umirano Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 I've ended up giving her a one liner in response. Not revealing anything about my self and not going into the details she gave me about her situation. I'm still not sure it was the right thing to do, nor am I sure I shouldn't have replied. But I intend not to reply to a similar message in the future. Any thoughts? It would be nice not to be monologueing... Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Yes it was a breadcrumb. Next time ignore until she says I WANT YOU BACK . Link to post Share on other sites
Amy74 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. I appreciate that you are a good guy, want to be polite but it's not worth it. You already set up the NC expectation...breaking it isn't helping either of you. Moving on isn't easy but it's worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author umirano Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Many times I've given advice here. The problem is not not knowing what to do, the problem is doing it, or not doing it (replying, giving in). It's the fear that they won't come back if you ignore them that drives people to respond. And responding is signaling them that you're still around and give a fnck. I understand that I just need to act accordingly. It's astonishing how simple the advice is and how easy it is to see the truth behind it, yet it's so hard to implement the strategy... Link to post Share on other sites
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