Dumped for friend/work colleague - I really don't think I can handle this [update]

[digt]

Broke up with my GF of 1.5 years just over 3 weeks ago (Me 26, her 22). She dumped me but had emotionally checked out of the relationship due to finding a new guy a month or two before. The other guy was a friend and work colleague.

Fortunately I don't work in the same offices as them anymore but I am still hurting so bad inside. My thoughts are obsessed by them together. I'm not sure if they are officially together yet but it will come at some point. At that point i don't think I could stand to ever take the chance of seeing them when we're out. (we all work in the same part of London & have mutual friends so there's a chance this will happen)

 

I really feel I need to get out of London & go work abroad for a couple of years. In my work this shouldn't be a difficult thing to achieve. I'm just really unsure about it. It feels a bit like running away. I just don't know what to do as I'm really not concentrating at work at the moment.

I feel like I've been getting better the past couple of days but the pain hits me in waves and is almost debilitating. I was already slightly depressed so I'm just not sure I can handle this.

[digt]

I also can't help but feel this would be 1000 times easier had she not started seeing this other guy that I knew. God damn.

[Michael 93]

Be interesting to see the replies on this thread.

 

My story was kind of similar.

 

How long have you been broken up for? Have you implemented NC?

[Michael 93]

The only thing I can really say, and this is an absolute must!

 

Block all methods of social networking.. The last thing you need is to see either of them together. It will absolutely burn you. Nothing can prepare you for the pain.

 

Do not torment yourself by looking her up on whatsapp, facebook, instagram anything!

 

She wanted you gone...the only thing I can say is GO.

 

It took me months to finally get the hint and I've still only recently properly dissapeared. We work for the same company also but different office.

 

Drop off the face of the earth. Get yourself down Leicester Square in a new suit and enjoy yourself.

 

I feel your pain brother. I still think of her with him every single day.

 

But believe me...These things are not always as they seem. A point my ex made to me was, you are looking at this completely wrong its not as it seems at all, what makes you think this guy is treating me better than you did.

 

Drake said it best man..

 

"might look like a star but only on camera.. only on camera.. only on camera...might look like were in love, but only on camera.. only on camera.. only on camera.."

 

If you know you have give her everything you can.. Then be proud that you have tried your best man.. You can only do your best.

 

I feel your pain..

[digt]

Thanks man.

 

been broken up 3.5 weeks and NC for a few days. We had been texting daily before that initiated by both of us.

We met up on the weekend for a coffee and it was cool but probably just helped her relieve any guilt and affirm her reasoning for breaking up.

 

Feels like closure has happened which is good but feel desolated by the fact she is with someone else and that I may have to face that and front it out.

 

Do I go abroad for a bit? I really agree with the general advice of working on yourself & finding yourself after a break up, just not sure if moving abroad would help or hinder that. I mean, I'd come back eventually, but may feel i just put feelings on hold rather than go through them and then let them dissipate.

[Elle1975]

Thanks man.

 

been broken up 3.5 weeks and NC for a few days. We had been texting daily before that initiated by both of us.

We met up on the weekend for a coffee and it was cool but probably just helped her relieve any guilt and affirm her reasoning for breaking up.

 

Feels like closure has happened which is good but feel desolated by the fact she is with someone else and that I may have to face that and front it out.

 

Do I go abroad for a bit? I really agree with the general advice of working on yourself & finding yourself after a break up, just not sure if moving abroad would help or hinder that. I mean, I'd come back eventually, but may feel i just put feelings on hold rather than go through them and then let them dissipate.

 

Do you want to go abroad? That's the question. If you don't really want to, then no. However, if that's something you'd enjoy, then it's a great experience; it's also something you probably won't do when you are in another long term relationship.

[Natsume21]

Broke up with my GF of 1.5 years just over 3 weeks ago (Me 26, her 22). She dumped me but had emotionally checked out of the relationship due to finding a new guy a month or two before. The other guy was a friend and work colleague.

Fortunately I don't work in the same offices as them anymore but I am still hurting so bad inside. My thoughts are obsessed by them together. I'm not sure if they are officially together yet but it will come at some point. At that point i don't think I could stand to ever take the chance of seeing them when we're out. (we all work in the same part of London & have mutual friends so there's a chance this will happen)

 

I really feel I need to get out of London & go work abroad for a couple of years. In my work this shouldn't be a difficult thing to achieve. I'm just really unsure about it. It feels a bit like running away. I just don't know what to do as I'm really not concentrating at work at the moment.

I feel like I've been getting better the past couple of days but the pain hits me in waves and is almost debilitating. I was already slightly depressed so I'm just not sure I can handle this.

 

Dude, this is the perfect moment to take back your life.

 

Go abroad and experience a new life!!!!!!!!! Forget about the girl. It's gonna hurt, but she's 22. At that age, it's all just a game to most of them.

 

But you, you got opportunity. Heal up and take risks. Maybe one day, you'll be glad you did.

 

--Natsume21

[digt]

Thanks.

I guess I do. I just don't want to psychologically avoid dealing with this horrible situation and end up having the intense pain stick with me for longer.

[Michael 93]

Thanks man.

 

been broken up 3.5 weeks and NC for a few days. We had been texting daily before that initiated by both of us.

We met up on the weekend for a coffee and it was cool but probably just helped her relieve any guilt and affirm her reasoning for breaking up.

 

Feels like closure has happened which is good but feel desolated by the fact she is with someone else and that I may have to face that and front it out.

 

Do I go abroad for a bit? I really agree with the general advice of working on yourself & finding yourself after a break up, just not sure if moving abroad would help or hinder that. I mean, I'd come back eventually, but may feel i just put feelings on hold rather than go through them and then let them dissipate.

 

@digt

 

honestly man that is CRAZY.

 

If you read my thread you will see my ex also met up with me for coffee a couple of times after the split.

 

All this did was give her the opportunity to feed me more crap to be honest. She would make it out that she wasn't that happy with her new guy and things were terrible and that she still cares/loves about me. I was dumb enough to believe it man.

 

You are totally right. this could be a mechanism to relieve guilt. Not too sure on the motive. We will never know, that's the problem.

 

This is still raw for you. I am begging you to commence NC. This is the only way you will see the real truth.

 

Keep me updated man. Stay way. Drop off the face of the earth and see where she is at. If she wants you. She will find you. Just give it a week trust me.

[digt]

I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's best that we don't ever see each other again and the person I once knew has gone.

But I'm on the 4th day of no contact and due to go to a dinner next week where the new bf is also invited and there will only about 5 of us total.

 

I just don't know how to handle this and it's hitting me today that the worst of this pain is not over and perhaps hasn't even arrived yet.

 

I don't know if I should whatsapp the guy and talk man to man - try and get something worked out - perhaps help me come to terms with it.

 

Or I could just ignore them both and go abroad.

 

Finally I could work on career development in London and get a bigger salary.

 

 

 

All 3 options are pretty realistic I just don't feel i can handle the thoughts of them together right now. It's so tough and will be even more tough & humiliating once people find out.

[Chi townD]

I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's best that we don't ever see each other again and the person I once knew has gone.

But I'm on the 4th day of no contact and due to go to a dinner next week where the new bf is also invited and there will only about 5 of us total.

 

I just don't know how to handle this and it's hitting me today that the worst of this pain is not over and perhaps hasn't even arrived yet.

 

I don't know if I should whatsapp the guy and talk man to man - try and get something worked out - perhaps help me come to terms with it.

 

Or I could just ignore them both and go abroad.

 

Finally I could work on career development in London and get a bigger salary.

 

 

 

All 3 options are pretty realistic I just don't feel i can handle the thoughts of them together right now. It's so tough and will be even more tough & humiliating once people find out.

 

Don't talk to the guy. He knew you were in a relationship with this girl and he still made a play on her. If he didn't give a damn about your relationship, what makes you think he gives a damn about what you have to say?

 

If you want to work abroad, then I say go for it. But, I have a hard time believing that there aren't any other companies in London that couldn't use your skills. If you get with a new company on the other side of London, I would be comfortable in saying that you would be hard pressed into running into them anytime soon.

 

But, if you want to go abroad, then go for it! But, I'll tell you. Holiday in the States, but don't try and work here. Very few job opportunities here right now. Try Australia.

[digt]

My ex GF of 1.5 years emotionally cheated on me then got into a relationship with another guy.

The other guy was a work colleague first but also a friend, we got on, but he started getting closer to my ex GF the last 2 months of our relationship.

I expressed jealousy and ended up confronting him, he said there was nothing going on, but me and the ex split up soon after.

 

I haven't spoken to him since but feel like whatsapping him just to tell him my feelings. Betrayal, humiliation, intense hurt.

 

I think I just want him to know how much pain I'm going through and will continue to go through, but I think getting it out there might also help.

 

Is this a ridiculous idea? HAs anyone done this?

I've been split from her for around 3.5 weeks now, NC 4 days.

[KaliLove]

Yes, it's a ridiculous idea. No, you shouldn't do it. It will only humiliate you later when your emotions are in check.

[FortunateSon]

I am sorry you are going through this. I almost did something similar when my ex fiancé was harassing and slandering me to a new girl I was seeing. I was going to contact my ex fiancé's BF about it, rather than her so that he would know she is still meddling in my life. Based on a lot of advice, this forum included, I did not contact either and I am glad I didn't.

 

The other guy would likely care less, it seems like he knew what he was doing all along. Nothing good would come from it, you would likely regret it soon afterwards. Keep your dignity, don't let him or her know that this is bothering you. Be the bigger person, you will be thankful in the future.

[Chi townD]

I guess you didn't like my answer in your other thread, huh.

[I'mOldgreg]

Perhaps your jealousy drove her away, are you certain that there was something going on, most girls find jealousy the biggest of relationship killers.

 

If not it's your ex girlfriend that betrayed you not him, no matter how charming or how salacious his intentions were with your then girl friend it is her that had her head turned (that's if they were together), if she was totally committed to you and saw you in her future then she would still be with you. Don't contact this guy it will do nothing other then make you look petty and you will regret it.

[FortunateSon]

I guess you didn't like my answer in your other thread, huh.

 

Me or OP? Your advice in my last thread was really helpful, I'm glad I didn't contact either!

[Chi townD]

Nah, not at you FortunateSon, the OP. Digt has another thread and I basically told him the same thing I told you in your thread.

[digt]

About a month ago I was dumped by my GF. She had been becoming distant from me however it felt like we could have worked things out. If it wasn't for the fact that she'd been getting closer to one of our work colleagues & mutual friends.

She dumped me a month ago, we had some communication via text but NC for the past 8 days.

I can handle not getting back with her even though that hurts. However she is now seeing this guy (no one knows yet & she only dropped strong hints that she was in our last communication) & I just don't think I can handle that.

 

I just feel like this is the most intense pain I've ever felt and makes this BU so many times worse. I don't want to see them together when they finally announce it to everyone but I will feel humiliated and rejected all over again.

 

I've been feeling so low this month but time is a healer - however when her new relationship is made official I'm scared as to how bad I'm going to feel.

I feel so trapped as I don't want to leave my job but am considering transferring abroad but that just feels like running away.

I'm so sad that I won't get to socialise whenever they are out together as it will just feel horrible. I feel like I'm being constantly kicked in the balls. I really want to cry but I can't & don't want to have to face this relationship.

 

I feel like I hate the guy so much for getting close to her whilst we were still going out. I know its a two way street & he doesn't owe me much loyalty but I've known him for 3 years & he was always the nicest guy.

 

Has anyone been through this or have any advice?

We're both mid 20's professionals - relationship 15 months

[digt]

I'm thinking that this would be a good time to make some MAJOR life changes including getting counselling for unresolved childhood issues . But perhaps also just going abroad to work for a couple of years. I don't have much keeping me here in UK other than friends & family, just don't want to come back in a couple of years & feel like I just buried my head in the sand and will reset when I come back.

Also don't want to feel forced out of London because of them - I love London as it's my home city & don't take it for granted how good a city it is.

My options for working abroad would be Dubai, Singapore, Sydney. I've never been to any of those places but none really appeal to me strongly.

[digt]

Sometimes I'm able to feel like I'm letting go of her but I think it's way harder to accept that she has moved on to a work colleague/friend.

[digt]

i kind of wanted a fresh thread - can you just delete all this please