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Did you GF/BF smear you? Why?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 16th May 2014, 3:35 PM   #1
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Did you GF/BF smear you? Why?

I was wondering if any one on LS has had their SO begin a smear campaign behind their back before dumping them, then continue after the break up? In my case, after reading her e-mails, I believe my ex created these lies and distortions for two purposes---to strengthen her resolve to dump me for another guy and so that her friends and family would sympathize and understand her decision.

I would be very interested to hear other people's stories.
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Old 16th May 2014, 4:01 PM   #2
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Behind my back? No. To my face? Yep!
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Old 16th May 2014, 4:09 PM   #3
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Cheaters often "re-write" the relationship history as a means to justify their *****ty behavior.

Nothing new. I think it is rule #2 behind rule #1 which is to deny everything!

I hope that my insight helps you.
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Old 16th May 2014, 4:09 PM   #4
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To my face, yes. Behind my back...yes. I just made a thread at her recent attempt to sabotage/smear. It has made me very upset and agitated to say the least...
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Old 16th May 2014, 4:41 PM   #5
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So then, you don't think she's worried about looking bad by doing that? What do you think is her overall purpose for the smear campaign?
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Old 16th May 2014, 4:46 PM   #6
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I have no clue as far as behind my back. My ex made sure to tell me that I was an "unmotivated, complacent and unsupportive boyfriend" before he packed his bags.

I thought I was a good boyfriend to him.
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Old 16th May 2014, 4:54 PM   #7
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I have no clue as far as behind my back. My ex made sure to tell me that I was an "unmotivated, complacent and unsupportive boyfriend" before he packed his bags.

I thought I was a good boyfriend to him.
His perspective is not yours, obviously. If you can say that you were the best boyfriend you could be, and mean it, then you did all you could do. No need in trying to hold yourself under water for someone else's perspective, however unjustified it may be.
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:18 PM   #8
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So then, you don't think she's worried about looking bad by doing that? What do you think is her overall purpose for the smear campaign?
In my case I think that she was trying to interfere/sabotage me from moving on. As far as her looking bad, she is a master at deception, manipulation, and spinning things...I'm sure in her own mind she came off fine. I think she was trying to come off as being helpful, doing the new girl I was talking to a favor, by "warning" and "saving" her from all these things my ex perceived as wrong with me.
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:29 PM   #9
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If you can say that you were the best boyfriend you could be, and mean it, then you did all you could do.

I don't think ANY of us can claim we were the best we could be lol. We all certainly tried for the most part, though, I'm sure... but there were times we all were complacent, selfish, whatever.

STM I'm sure you were a good boyfriend, because look how hurt you are. You clearly have a heart. He's the one with the problems, brother, I assure you of this.
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:30 PM   #10
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In my case I think that she was trying to interfere/sabotage me from moving on. As far as her looking bad, she is a master at deception, manipulation, and spinning things...I'm sure in her own mind she came off fine. I think she was trying to come off as being helpful, doing the new girl I was talking to a favor, by "warning" and "saving" her from all these things my ex perceived as wrong with me.

How old was she? Do you think that her proficiency in deception and manipulation was there all along(had you noticed little things?) and/or was it something that sprung from her inability to deal with problems in a mature way?
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:35 PM   #11
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I don't think ANY of us can claim we were the best we could be lol. We all certainly tried for the most part, though, I'm sure... but there were times we all were complacent, selfish, whatever.

STM I'm sure you were a good boyfriend, because look how hurt you are. You clearly have a heart. He's the one with the problems, brother, I assure you of this.

In that same token, do you feel that sometimes during your relationship, you were sexually complacent/uninvolved? My ex blames me as being bad in bed. It's a tough pill to swallow, for a man, especially as she justifies her cheating with "finally I had some sexual excitement!"
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:37 PM   #12
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How old was she? Do you think that her proficiency in deception and manipulation was there all along(had you noticed little things?) and/or was it something that sprung from her inability to deal with problems in a mature way?
Early 30's. I do think that those qualities were there all along, it is now I am starting to see the bigger picture and come to grips with it. Despite all of my efforts we couldn't effectively communicate, which when combined with a fundamental lack of trust and respect, led to the relationships demise.
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:40 PM   #13
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In that same token, do you feel that sometimes during your relationship, you were sexually complacent/uninvolved?

I injected 500mg of testosterone every week and gained 17 lbs of muscle in 8 weeks. Once I hit the PCT (post cycle therapy) stage (comes after the cessation of testosterone injection) I had zero sex drive. In fact, it didn't return for a long time. Not sure if it ever really did, even though I can get my blood testosterone levels to over 700 these days.

I have a feeling that wasn't the replying you were looking for

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Old 16th May 2014, 5:44 PM   #14
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I injected 500mg of testosterone every week and gained 17 lbs of muscle in 8 weeks. Once I hit the PCT (post cycle therapy) stage (comes after the cessation of testosterone injection) I had zero sex drive. In fact, it didn't return for a long time. Not sure if it ever really did, even though I can get my blood testosterone levels to over 700 these days.

I have a feeling that wasn't the replying you were looking for

Did that really happen? If so, would you agree that, as a sexual partner, you have some responsibility to be "available"? Do you see your actions as possibly involuntarily shirking that responsibility?
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Old 16th May 2014, 5:52 PM   #15
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Did that really happen? If so, would you agree that, as a sexual partner, you have some responsibility to be "available"? Do you see your actions as possibly involuntarily shirking that responsibility?

Oh yes it happened, and now for the rest of my life my body will be more anabolic than the average person. Even if I never inject anything ever again (which I won't). That's why anyone in sports who uses steroids should be banned for LIFE -- we all have an unfair advantage over normal people now -- superphysiological.

As for being obligated to be available, that's a tough one. I know people will get unhappy if their sexual needs are unmet for so long my friend. My ex certainly did. She blamed herself, though it wasn't her.

Such a tough question though, on whether you should feel responsible to be available. That is probably the first thing anyone on this site has asked/said that has ever stumped me.

Last edited by Strength in Healing; 16th May 2014 at 5:54 PM..
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