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Did you GF/BF smear you? Why?


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SycamoreCircle

I was wondering if any one on LS has had their SO begin a smear campaign behind their back before dumping them, then continue after the break up? In my case, after reading her e-mails, I believe my ex created these lies and distortions for two purposes---to strengthen her resolve to dump me for another guy and so that her friends and family would sympathize and understand her decision.

 

I would be very interested to hear other people's stories.

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lil hoodlum

Cheaters often "re-write" the relationship history as a means to justify their *****ty behavior.

 

Nothing new. I think it is rule #2 behind rule #1 which is to deny everything!

 

I hope that my insight helps you. ;)

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FortunateSon

To my face, yes. Behind my back...yes. I just made a thread at her recent attempt to sabotage/smear. It has made me very upset and agitated to say the least...

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SycamoreCircle

So then, you don't think she's worried about looking bad by doing that? What do you think is her overall purpose for the smear campaign?

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I have no clue as far as behind my back. My ex made sure to tell me that I was an "unmotivated, complacent and unsupportive boyfriend" before he packed his bags.

 

I thought I was a good boyfriend to him.

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I have no clue as far as behind my back. My ex made sure to tell me that I was an "unmotivated, complacent and unsupportive boyfriend" before he packed his bags.

 

I thought I was a good boyfriend to him.

 

His perspective is not yours, obviously. If you can say that you were the best boyfriend you could be, and mean it, then you did all you could do. No need in trying to hold yourself under water for someone else's perspective, however unjustified it may be.

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FortunateSon
So then, you don't think she's worried about looking bad by doing that? What do you think is her overall purpose for the smear campaign?

 

In my case I think that she was trying to interfere/sabotage me from moving on. As far as her looking bad, she is a master at deception, manipulation, and spinning things...I'm sure in her own mind she came off fine. I think she was trying to come off as being helpful, doing the new girl I was talking to a favor, by "warning" and "saving" her from all these things my ex perceived as wrong with me.

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Strength in Healing
If you can say that you were the best boyfriend you could be, and mean it, then you did all you could do.

 

 

I don't think ANY of us can claim we were the best we could be lol. We all certainly tried for the most part, though, I'm sure... but there were times we all were complacent, selfish, whatever.

 

STM I'm sure you were a good boyfriend, because look how hurt you are. You clearly have a heart. He's the one with the problems, brother, I assure you of this.

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SycamoreCircle
In my case I think that she was trying to interfere/sabotage me from moving on. As far as her looking bad, she is a master at deception, manipulation, and spinning things...I'm sure in her own mind she came off fine. I think she was trying to come off as being helpful, doing the new girl I was talking to a favor, by "warning" and "saving" her from all these things my ex perceived as wrong with me.

 

 

How old was she? Do you think that her proficiency in deception and manipulation was there all along(had you noticed little things?) and/or was it something that sprung from her inability to deal with problems in a mature way?

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SycamoreCircle
I don't think ANY of us can claim we were the best we could be lol. We all certainly tried for the most part, though, I'm sure... but there were times we all were complacent, selfish, whatever.

 

STM I'm sure you were a good boyfriend, because look how hurt you are. You clearly have a heart. He's the one with the problems, brother, I assure you of this.

 

 

In that same token, do you feel that sometimes during your relationship, you were sexually complacent/uninvolved? My ex blames me as being bad in bed. It's a tough pill to swallow, for a man, especially as she justifies her cheating with "finally I had some sexual excitement!"

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FortunateSon
How old was she? Do you think that her proficiency in deception and manipulation was there all along(had you noticed little things?) and/or was it something that sprung from her inability to deal with problems in a mature way?

 

Early 30's. I do think that those qualities were there all along, it is now I am starting to see the bigger picture and come to grips with it. Despite all of my efforts we couldn't effectively communicate, which when combined with a fundamental lack of trust and respect, led to the relationships demise.

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Strength in Healing
In that same token, do you feel that sometimes during your relationship, you were sexually complacent/uninvolved?

 

 

I injected 500mg of testosterone every week and gained 17 lbs of muscle in 8 weeks. Once I hit the PCT (post cycle therapy) stage (comes after the cessation of testosterone injection) I had zero sex drive. In fact, it didn't return for a long time. Not sure if it ever really did, even though I can get my blood testosterone levels to over 700 these days.

 

I have a feeling that wasn't the replying you were looking for

 

:p:p:p

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SycamoreCircle
I injected 500mg of testosterone every week and gained 17 lbs of muscle in 8 weeks. Once I hit the PCT (post cycle therapy) stage (comes after the cessation of testosterone injection) I had zero sex drive. In fact, it didn't return for a long time. Not sure if it ever really did, even though I can get my blood testosterone levels to over 700 these days.

 

I have a feeling that wasn't the replying you were looking for

 

:p:p:p

 

Did that really happen? If so, would you agree that, as a sexual partner, you have some responsibility to be "available"? Do you see your actions as possibly involuntarily shirking that responsibility?

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Strength in Healing
Did that really happen? If so, would you agree that, as a sexual partner, you have some responsibility to be "available"? Do you see your actions as possibly involuntarily shirking that responsibility?

 

 

Oh yes it happened, and now for the rest of my life my body will be more anabolic than the average person. Even if I never inject anything ever again (which I won't). That's why anyone in sports who uses steroids should be banned for LIFE -- we all have an unfair advantage over normal people now -- superphysiological.

 

As for being obligated to be available, that's a tough one. I know people will get unhappy if their sexual needs are unmet for so long my friend. My ex certainly did. She blamed herself, though it wasn't her.

 

Such a tough question though, on whether you should feel responsible to be available. That is probably the first thing anyone on this site has asked/said that has ever stumped me.

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SycamoreCircle

We had a very brutal winter here in NYC. My ex, who was living with me at the time, and I rarely ventured out. It was MISERABLY cold. So we're wearing baggy clothing with mussed up hair and both sort of wrapped up in our little projects, 4 hours of daylight granted per day, wind whipping against the panes, cold seeping into the pre-war building---who wants to shag!? This is also 10 months into our relationship; so I don't think my drive was much different than yours.

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lil hoodlum
We had a very brutal winter here in NYC. My ex, who was living with me at the time, and I rarely ventured out. It was MISERABLY cold. So we're wearing baggy clothing with mussed up hair and both sort of wrapped up in our little projects, 4 hours of daylight granted per day, wind whipping against the panes, cold seeping into the pre-war building---who wants to shag!? This is also 10 months into our relationship; so I don't think my drive was much different than yours.

 

 

I think you are trying to shoulder too much of the blame for the demise of your relationship. Your ex was and is a liar! You may not have been the best boyfriend ever, but you are not the ogre that she is trying to make you out to be.

 

Again, remember that she lied to you about why she was wanting to go on a "break" with you. Had you not found out the truth you would still be believing her lies. Don't read into and start believing her lies about you now.

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SycamoreCircle

Thanks for the boost Hoodlum. Honestly, when you're so closely involved with someone and they start to make accusations, they can be so incredibly hard NOT to believe. I think anything my ex would have claimed against me would have given me pause. Perhaps it's because I wanted to LISTEN and legitimately work through our problems. Of course, she had other plans...

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Ordinaryday

EVERYONE does that after a breakup, to varying degrees. cos people mainly see things from their point of view it is only natural that when asked by people "what happened?" they will tell the story from their perspective.

 

we all do it, I certainly do.

 

so yes, I have been smeared. I simply say to mutual friends "there are two sides to every story and if you believe hers without even bothering to check mine then you aren't much of a friend"

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Yup, one of my exes would send me emails about what a whore I was threatening to send pics of me to my family, calling me the c-word etc. It would be multiple times a day. I was dumb at first and responded, you can imagine how, he would show his family only my emails.

 

When we were visiting Ireland and staying with his uncle, we knew we were pretty much done, he threw himself out of bed and yelled for his uncle and told him I pushed him off. (i'm 5'1 and 110 if I'm lucky)

God that guy was psychotic.

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