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Regrets , Regrets , Regrets!


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The last few weeks I've found myself totally consumed with regret about my first love. We were together for just over three years! She was the love of my life! Whilst I was with her , I never really appreciated her , even though , looking back now she did a hell of a lot for me. I'm really embarrassed about the way I treated her and if I was her I'd probably hate me. She's the type of person that even though I've been horrid to her , she still smiles and makes polite conversation if we bump into each other (she lives 2 streets away from me) which just adds to my guilt.

I've had two relationships since we split up that have ended for different reasons but I just can't find the level of love that I had with her. She loved me more than anything and made me feel like a man.

Her nan died not so long ago , being with her for 3 years I grew quite close to her nan too. I sent her a card to say that I was thinking of her but didn't like to attend the funeral as I know her family don't like me because I hurt her so badly. She text me to thank me for the card.

I really miss her and would love the chance to put things right and make it work this time , on the other hand I know that she's already given me a million chances and I'd never forgive myself for hurting her again. I'm just so lost. I don't know how to even begin initiating this kind of conversation with her. Has anyone else ever been in this kind of situation?

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Whilst I was with her , I never really appreciated her , even though , looking back now she did a hell of a lot for me. I'm really embarrassed about the way I treated her.

 

I've had two relationships since we split up that have ended for different reasons but I just can't find the level of love that I had with her.

 

The level of love that you had with her? What sort of level is that when you never appreciated her and you treated her badly, over and over again?

 

I have a strong feeling that you're reverting back to her because you haven't been successful in your recent relationships and being with your ex was beneficial to you in that SHE provided you with all that you needed. I don't believe this is about love for her but benefits you receive from being with her. Or just that you can't find anything out there?

 

And you said she gave you a million chances. With every one of those chances I am sure the mindset was that you wanted to be better and you wanted to right the wrongs, yet millions of chances turned out to be repetitive bad behavior.

 

So, what's different about the million and one chance?

Edited by Zahara
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You are absolutely right , I know that I don't deserve anymore chances with her. I just want a way to correct things , even if it means we never get back together romantically , I just want a way of apologising for the sake of my own guilt. Sometimes I tell myself to just leave it lie , then other times I feel like I should get in touch and try and do something really nice for her!

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You are absolutely right , I know that I don't deserve anymore chances with her. I just want a way to correct things , even if it means we never get back together romantically , I just want a way of apologising for the sake of my own guilt. Sometimes I tell myself to just leave it lie , then other times I feel like I should get in touch and try and do something really nice for her!

 

I think the best way you can correct this is to allow her to move on with her life. I'm sure with the million chances she gave you, you apologized and apologized. It's lost it's meaning. And don't apologize because of you need to alleviate your guilt. Your motive is self-serving and not for her benefit.

 

Leave her be and this would be a good time to focus on yourself and work through your own issues and hopefully that will help you come to terms with your mistakes, and guilt.

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