FredJones80 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Another one of my random questions.. just nice to see what other people think/feel. So.. Q : What do you think was the downfall of your relationship? A : My partners inability to communicate her problems and/or my inability to listen I seriously think my lack of affection because of LTR complacency started a snowball effect. Not that I knew I wasn't doing it. Getting caught up with everyday life, I guess it happens. Its not exactly like she was going out of her way to be affectionate to me, but I guess woman need that kind of thing more. As I've never been at such a long stage in a relationship then I guess I just didn't know Anyway, it doesn't really matter now, I just regret if we/she had been more open about her feelings we probably could of worked through this I guess I have to live and learn for the next one sadly.... If I'm so lucky to find someone like her again I will never repeat this mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 The downfall was, she was a cheating bitch that thought she could do better than me and her true colors came out after she was caught. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Q : What do you think was the downfall of your relationship? Didn't man-up in a timely fashion (married in my case) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Same as Chi Town's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 Didn't man-up in a timely fashion (married in my case) Didn't get married quick enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Her trust issues and apparent lack of empathy with anyone. (Shivers) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Another one of my random questions.. just nice to see what other people think/feel. So.. Q : What do you think was the downfall of your relationship? A : My partners inability to communicate her problems and/or my inability to listen I seriously think my lack of affection because of LTR complacency started a snowball effect. Not that I knew I wasn't doing it. Getting caught up with everyday life, I guess it happens. Its not exactly like she was going out of her way to be affectionate to me, but I guess woman need that kind of thing more. As I've never been at such a long stage in a relationship then I guess I just didn't know Anyway, it doesn't really matter now, I just regret if we/she had been more open about her feelings we probably could of worked through this I guess I have to live and learn for the next one sadly.... If I'm so lucky to find someone like her again I will never repeat this mistake. My inability to preserve my boundaries I let our sex life dictate the dynamics of our relationship (he is dom in bed) I became needy and would cancel plans to be with him All of the above, will never do again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Didn't get married quick enough? Man-up during marriage. Meet or exceed expectations. Communicate effectively. Stuff like that. That was the gist of what I pulled out of MC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedbylove Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 For me it was my sexual addiction, and my inability to manage it properly. I thought being in a relationship, my (at the time) girlfriend could cure my addiction for me. I relapsed in my addiction after we took a week break, so it was really only a matter of time before we broke up. We were living on borrowed time, I could sense it pretty much every day after my last relapse. I figured this out myself and I'm really happy I did. Its helped me to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 He just wasn't that into me. Fred, I look forward to seeing threads from you that focus on something positive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 WE were both troubled kids and it was us against the world until I landed a good job and we bought a house. I grew up and started making something of myself and she went in the other direction and her life became a complete trainwreck She got hooked on drugs, started cheating on me and blamed me for everything. Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Lack of communication. Alcohol abuse. Incompatibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Lack of communication on her part, so I would wager, I am not very good at mindreading! Still don't understand how it is so difficult for some people to open their mouths and communicate with others when they are so unhappy or have "issues" with you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I've got comfortable after one year of relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Great difference in maturity. Life pushed me hard and she knew she's the center of my universe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 My inability to fully commit to her. And her inability to put up with someone who wouldn't commit. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Her fear of getting hurt, losing control and not wanting to make plans for the near future, as she said that she had learned not to believe in wishes and dreams any-more. Can you believe that? She pushed me away the moment she came in a stressful situation. At that moment the only thing in my mind was being there for her. I did not know that she already had turned 180 degrees and made a promises to her family (overseas) that made us close to impossible. Everything she had said to me had vanished into thin air. Although she remained that everything still was true, only the context had changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
km19 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Bad Timing / Age / Maturity Young 20s - Wanted to experience the world on her own, date / sleep around, figure out what she likes and doesn't like, travel, career, time with friends, party, live it up, clubs / bars, etc. What most kids are doing at that age. In other words... Her life was better without me in it. The more I think about it and break it down I think this is pretty accurate forbmy situation as well. However, I know my ex has some inner demons that she has to tackle. Fear of being alone, the inability to make friends or make an effort to keep them, and anxiety levels drastically increasing when things don't always go as planned or when the future is not set in stone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Power struggle over my working full time. His resistance to change and refusal to support my goals. My need for personal challenge, passivity/depression at realization that he wouldn’t back me, withdrawal and failure to communicate needs. Mutual disdain. Terrible conflict resolution pattern (no resolutions). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Unfortuntally, I became someone I didn't recognize or like. I was going through a very stressful time with my dads long sickness and ultimately his death. I locked myself into an emotional box where she could not reach me. I drank too much, and I was controlling. She felt like everything she did was wrong. I feel horrible about it. But, I see her now, and it appears that she has moved on, and is enjoying her new life. SO, I guess I can't beat myself up forever. She says she understands and forgives me and that I need to forgive myself. The only thing I believe she did was not communicate these issues soon enough. SHe had already dealt with enough and felt she had loss herself in me. Had I known earlier, I could have gotten the counseling and meds that I needed. I have since taken these steps. I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. Both, which my counsellor claims I have had for years. It was just mulitiplied with the sickness of my father and the craziness it put on me and my family. SHe did try to be there, and she was... this was my fault... That is what sucks the most about it. Almost two years, and I still really hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Q : What do you think was the downfall of your relationship? A : My partners inability to communicate her problems and/or my inability to listen Fred, I read your post about your break up and despite the length of time, the break up sounded very similar to mine. She was very confused but would say to our mutual friends that she felt like I wasn't listening. I countered with she wasn't communicating enough about them. Some people suggested it was another guy but I'm pretty confident it wasn't. She just really thought I didn't listen to her and was never going to. Like you I still hold out hope that we could come back and work it out but then I think about our last conversation when she repeated constantly, "I can't try again." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Share Posted May 2, 2014 (edited) Fred, I read your post about your break up and despite the length of time, the break up sounded very similar to mine. She was very confused but would say to our mutual friends that she felt like I wasn't listening. I countered with she wasn't communicating enough about them. Some people suggested it was another guy but I'm pretty confident it wasn't. She just really thought I didn't listen to her and was never going to. Like you I still hold out hope that we could come back and work it out but then I think about our last conversation when she repeated constantly, "I can't try again." Nice to hear a similar story, its just such a shame. I know women and men communicate differently, but it appeared like she didn't communicate her unhappiness at all, until it was too late, as if trying to deal with it on her own, hoping she could work it out and in the end couldn't so ended it. Just seems so unfair as if someone else wasn't involved then it appears as if I never even got a chance to correct what could of been causing it Do you have a post to link to about your experience Philly, would be interested to read it. Thanks for the post Philly. Edited May 2, 2014 by FredJones80 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jatli Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Her - Plain and simple. If not for "her" we would still be us 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Nice to hear a similar story, its just such a shame. I know women and men communicate differently, but it appeared like she didn't communicate her unhappiness at all, until it was too late, as if trying to deal with it on her own, hoping she could work it out and in the end couldn't so ended it. Just seems so unfair as if someone else wasn't involved then it appears as if I never even got a chance to correct what could of been causing it Do you have a post to link to about your experience Philly, would be interested to read it. Thanks for the post Philly. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/473465-did-she-have-gigs-i-crappy-boyfriend When she would speak about her feelings, it was usually in bed before we would go to sleep or in a very indirect way. Before the break up she never said "I'm unhappy." If she did say that, I know I would have listened and addressed everything she would have wanted me to address. Other times I listened to her but responded in more of a playful way. I was so confident in my feelings for her I thought they were clear to her. Evidently this wasn't the case. I know exactly what you mean about the unfair nature of this kind of break up. I never felt like I had a chance to do something about it but in her mind she gave me several chances... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 For all my quirks and insecurities.... I guess I just couldn't stay in a relationship with a lying, cheating whore. Guess I caught a bad case of moral standards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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