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Double GIGS that was close to kill me ;)


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 27th April 2014, 6:03 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Mid Europe
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Double GIGS that was close to kill me ;)

Hello, I am 24 male and new here and I want to share my story and find a new perspective on it all. I am not looking for words that I want to hear.
Looking only for a clear assessment of the situation, and maybe some other things that probably I can't see

Where it starts:
At age 18, I spent a lot of time with friends in a nearby town. At the age of 19 I met sister of my best friend (Yep kind of wierd, didn't know that my friend have a sister). It was pure coincidence. I saw her little drunk running all around(I know she was to young to drink but I first time saw her, didn't know about her age) She was near 16 then and after first garden party our feelings just exploded! It was real love, trust or not everyone was jealous. Our parents really enjoyed our relationship. We understand each other without a word. We lost our virginity to each other. We were everywhere together, holidays and even summer work!
We weren't listening same type of music, and have different cloth styles "BUT" it only makes our life much more interesting! Just... HEAVEN on earth.

And probably my pills G.I.G.S. :
I have severe problem with Acne on my back.
She always helped me and supported me.
I underestimated it. I underestimated a lot of things that she did for me together with my friends and family. When I was 23 I was near the end of isotretinoinum treatment. 4 months of treatment left from whole 10 months. It was hard, really hard.
Acne wasn't problem anymore, but treatment have a lot of side effetcts.
I felt awful, I had a short daily depressions. Two months before the end of the treatment I have messed up in my head that I began to wonder if I'm bisexual. (Sounds stupid. Yes I thought that about most of the side effects described in the leaflet, including suicide attempts)
She accepted gay's so I wasn't scared telling her truth.
I told that I love her but sometimes I have desire to try being with another guy. That's not all. I lied that at age 16 I had a boyfriend and I broke up with him when I met her. I know how it sounds. Believe me, I regret to this day that I agreed to this treatment. Acne disappeared, but my behavior hurt her. She suffered, and I did not know what to do. After treatment everythying was better each day. I told her I lied. I told her I love her and that I don't want any other girl or a boy. But my treatment/GIGS probably killed her love to me, or I don't understand what happens next.

Actually:
-October November December 2013. Everything seems not bad. I noticed she changed, more parties and stuff like that (exactly what in GIG Syndrome is). Still we were together, I began to ask what house she wanted. I was going to live with her in our home.
She left me January/February 2014. Everyone around took it as a joke or something like that. We have same friends so we meet really often. Sometimes we spent few hours a day together.
-March, she told me she have someone. Well, I was not mad or something. I met her new bf, I didn't even think about kickin his ass or whatever lol (he is so skinny by the way). I wanted just to be her best best friend! Be near her.

Her family did not accept him. Our friends didn't accept him. Her brother and sister didn't accept him. (Those who know him a little say that he is not a nice person. And that he is talking what others want to hear-my gf had hard time so he maybe used it, I didn't cared). Guess what! Whole march I felt so painful, I helped HIM and my ex. I keep talking to everyone that her happiness is most important. Everyone told me to NC. I screwed.
Didn't want to listen, didn't want to lose her, for any price. When she was near she talked to me and was very kind to me. But when she was with him (10 miles away) she answer my calls but did not talk much. Even If I was crying and though about killing myself. Now she is even not answering when she is with him. But when she come home she calls. Want to meet, she is kind. Tells me she know that I am in pain. And that she wants me to be happy and she told me that: "Have fun, even If you would have relationship and sex with boy or girl I wouldnít mind and maybe someday I would come back to you. I just want to have some fun before I get married".

I felt happy, found really nice and good looking boy on internet. I thought maybe it is it! I need some experience! I meet with the boy and unfortunately, after first kiss I knew. I am not bi, and I realized I want ONLY her! Then got some crisis. She didn't answer because she was with him. I cried (yeah, guy that goes to the gym, is training MMA, and donít get me bad but is looking really good- healthy and no steroids, always ready to help even on the darkest alleys now is crying like a baby, like pathetic trash).
I couldn't stop, call me coward or weak but I couldn't find any reason to live. I am not the one that changes his mind easily, I love her even now. I am not the one that gives up, so I don't want other girl. Ironically I was giving up my life.

I wrote earlier about my friends. Well my ex girlfriend sister was the one that called me just few minutes before I have killed myself, coincidence. They were going to take me to the lunch. Told me not to cry . Explained me that her sis need to taste life a bit.
That my relationship with her was her only and she has no comparison of real life. Ex is looking for greener grass.
When even my ex parents/siblings told me to NC her, I was repeating to let her be happy. Now they are still with me, I am so confused. Weird thing is, even I know she is not so close to her new bf. She is not even close to her parents as she was to me.

I am going to NC her, it is not strictly possible because I still meet her family as before I met her but I would not behave like best friend which I am not and don't want to be. Just Hi/ hi and will wait for her. I know that I should go ON but it is it! My go on means waiting but not letting her now I am waiting. My moving on means even better body than now, making better relations with friends- I owe them it!

All have one positive effect= I appreciate how friendship and people around us are important.
I understand now that money and appearance means nothing. You can get it when need it. Real love, feelings and real friends are the things that you canít just get.
If we ever come back to each other, nothing will be able to separate us, even death

PS Sorry in advance for grammatical errors. If something is unclear please let me know I will try to describe it better.
Aknalogy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th April 2014, 7:33 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Wink Got to lay it on you thick.

You don't know how many times I've heard guys who were dumped(clearly, for someone else) think that they can be friends with their ex. It's a rare, and mostly painful feat that only prolongs the healing process.

If you can be friends with her without hurting yourself, then that's great. Everyone wins, even if your ex doesn't deserve it.

But from what you're saying, sounds like your ex is only interested in getting over you and not feeling guilty about it.

Make like a banana and split. Go hard NC, and focus on what you want out of life. Take it from me, girls come and go but at the end of the day, you're still there. So work on you, and you might find a girl that's worth it. If not, you're young. ENJOY YOUTH!

Learn the definition of what a friend is. A "girlfriend" or a "boyfriend" has the word "friend" in it. If they do something you wouldn't allow a friend to do, like lie, cheat, and steal, drop them as if you would a regular friend.

My ex, in the end, was no friend of mine. She was only looking out for herself.

You'll make it bro. Accept the pain, it's life's best teacher.
Natsume21 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th April 2014, 12:54 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Mid Europe
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Thank you for your response Natsume21
My bad was that I didn't listen what people told me on the
begining of break up- all NC and stuff.
Even my EX'sGF sister and her bf told to totally NC her.
Anyway now I am on total NC. Succesfully spent time (NC) today with friends and half of EX's family ;] It is quite weird that her family is on my side Life is not easy, but now I want to live

My real test of No Contact will be probably tomorrow or day after. Because then she will come home from new-boyfriend's house and she will start trying contact me. Gonna survive
Aknalogy is offline   Reply With Quote
 

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