The pain doesn't quite seem to fade.

[Strength in Healing]

For those of you unaware of my story...

 

I was engaged after 6 months, and the relationship lasted 4 years.

 

She had some problems, confirmed bipolar, suspected borderline.

 

There were rough times, but I felt comfortable and secure, which made me happy...

 

Then out of nowhere one night she says she lost the attraction. 2 days later, she got with her creepy co-worker who was 12 years older than her (she is only 21).

 

 

 

 

I cut her off at this point.

 

However, after a long NC run, I reached out to her, as I began dating someone new and felt there was nothing to lose.

 

Trust me everyone, listen, do not break NC.

 

DO NOT BREAK NC.

 

 

 

 

We hang out, no intentions on my behalf of getting back together, as I said, I have someone.

 

But I was a fool to think I could handle the details. Though, deep inside me, I think I knew I couldn't. I just missed her, maybe...

 

She tells me she moved in with him after 2 weeks.

 

That hurt, but what hurt worst was what came next.

 

 

She said she is scared of him. He got in her face, he broke items in the house, and he drop kicked the door in anger. He has called her a c***, a retard, and everything else.

 

I did everything I could, every angle to convince her to leave him. But she was convinced he wouldn't hurt her.

 

So I distanced myself.

 

I told myself that is the path she chose, and I tried and tried to save her. I knew what was coming though.

 

 

 

A few nights later, I woke up to a voicemail -- she was in tears, saying "you were right, he put his hands on me. You were right."

 

I called her that morning, and told her to come over to tell me what's happening.

 

She said she looked at his phone, and saw a questionable conversation with a girl. She called him out on it, they got into an argument, and it ended with him throwing her across the room, then choking her and telling her to get the **** out, and next time he will kill her.

 

 

 

He then starts texting me profane things, to which my reply was "It's a bad idea to make enemies with law enforcement agents, especially when you have just committed serious crimes."

 

He freaks out, then starts texting her saying how she is this and that for running to me and telling me.

 

 

He kept threatening me to her.

 

I told her he is using me as a tool to manipulate her. She said she is done with him...

 

Later that night, she disappears. She said she "couldn't talk". And I haven't heard from her since.

 

 

She clearly went back to him. I cannot fathom that type of stupidity, for the life of me.

 

And it hurts that I can't save her.

 

Now I have to live with knowing this. The pain is drastic.

 

Half of this is to vent, half is to warn you all never to break NC. You never know what you will find out.

[sooshi]

Oh, SIH, I've been wondering how you've been.

 

I'm so saddened to hear this. I wish you weren't right about this guy. Is there nothing you can do, as someone who's in law enforcement? Can he not be arrested for domestic violence and for uttering death threats?

 

I'm so sorry she has seemed to have gone back. It's probably because she is too scared to leave, rather than because she wants to stay. But as I've said, can't he be arrested after the report she made to you?

[giblesp]

Some people just like the pain of having an abusive partner. You just have to let them get on with it. She's an adult, she can call the cops anytime. Maybe you should notify the police, or a member of her family for her safety, but then call it a day.

 

I rang up an ex of mine sometime back, we were married at that point. She was banging another guy, some coke head loser. She had his baby, he did a runner. And if thats what makes her happy I'm clearly not the man for her. Years later I am deeply grateful that this woman chose to leave me. I wish her the best, but she clearly was not for me.

 

NC is a good way to go, especially if someone you were close to chooses to go down a downward spiral, and hook up with someone who will feed their addiction to pain.

[Strength in Healing]

The idiot can get arrested all across the board for terroristic threats, domestic violence, harassment, etc., but the problem is, it would require she report it.

 

We have a mass amount of power, but I don't have the power to do anything without her. And even so, I can't arrest him personally anyways due to affiliation, and he isn't in my jurisdiction, but none the less, he should be arrested. But of course, as is ever so common, she obviously isn't going to report it.

 

So, like 99% of people in this situation, she will end up getting abused worse, worse, and then either kill him, kill herself, or be murdered.

 

Another sad element is I truly believed she was intelligent. Makes me question my own judgment that I was so wrong. I wanna scream at her until my throat gives out, so maybe it will reach deaf ears finally. I want to scream so badly.

[sooshi]

It is unfortunate how many victims of such abuse allow these instances go unreported. I hope she does the right thing and does report him.

[JoeFallkon]

I can relate.

Who knows what she did to him too? people that have bipolar disorder never say sorry and are always the victims, when in fact the always start sht and manipulate everyone around them to feel sorry for them. i had a very bad experience with a girl like that. i cared for her when no one did, not even her family. at the end, she left me to go to her old , so called friends who never helped her when she needed them. But sooner or later theyll realize who really cared and worried about them and theyll try to come back.

[Ordinaryday]

 

She said she is scared of him. He got in her face, he broke items in the house, and he drop kicked the door in anger. He has called her a c***, a retard, and everything else.

 

I did everything I could, every angle to convince her to leave him. But she was convinced he wouldn't hurt her.

 

as cold as it sounds the moment someone dumps you their personal welfare and wellbeing is no longer your problem. you can advise her to leave him, but obviously you cant force her and you are not responsible for anything he does to her.

 

yeah, don't break NC. nothing good ever comes of it. anytime I have ever broken NC by responding to breadcrumbs all I got out of it was confirmation that they still didnt want to be with me.

 

why put yourself through that?