unhealthy but in love

[Super Star]

I just got dumped by the only girl I ever loved. She was perfect for me. But she found out that I lied about switching schools and was fed up with me and my lying so decided to leave and now she hates me. We had a conversation one day after school where she told me she didn't believe i had switched schools. I told her that i know that if i lied about something this big it would be the end of us. She was glad that i knew that and we went on from there. What she doesn't know is that i purposely lied to her so that we could break up. I have a tumor in my head and i am getting really sick. I don't want her to go through this with me (we are young and it doesn't make any sense in us both losing our lives) so i planned to break up with her. Every time i was on the verge of doing this though i chickened out. I cried almost every night. I didn't want to lose her but i didn't want to take away her youth. I also know that she would not leave me if i told her everything. That is why i did it. But i want to know if what i did was wrong. It does not feel right to me.

[uriel]

Yes, it's wrong. Call her and tell her so as soon as you can.

 

I understand why you did this, but you can't protect the people you love from loving you. That's not right. As people get older, they experience a lot of blows like this. Their loved ones get sick, get in accidents, lose jobs, and sometimes die. That's the way of life. Give her the chance to learn and grow from this and to show you her love. She'd never get over this if anything happened to you and she wasn't able to express herself and support you. If you let her work through all of these feelings naturally, she actually has a much better chance of coming through it okay.

 

You might ask yourself, too, whether you really did this entirely for her. Maybe part of you was afraid to share this painful and intimate experience. Maybe not having to express it to her left you feeling that somehow you didn't have to be guy with a tumor for her -- and could still be the same guy you'd been in her eyes, even if a liar.

 

Let yourself accept the love and care of those who -- well, love and care for you. That will help with your facing this ordeal and healing if that's possible or leaving this world if it's not. Love and be loved until the last breath. You deserve that and so does she.

 

Take good care --

 

uriel