Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 So me any my ex gf were going out for 1 year and 5 months, we are both attending college and during the first semester she had broke up with me. During that breakup we were still doing boyfriend and girlfriend things like going out and hanging out at her apartment. The second semester started and on Feb 17 she broke up with me again. This time it was because i was being a total dick to her. I was under a lot of stress with school, work, living environment, uncle got cancer and mom might having breast cancer. I was under A LOT OF STRESS. I would get mad for small things and even after work i would just want to go home because i just wanted to relax. I should have told her my problems but i didn't, i didn't want to tell her at the time because i didn't want her to have to worry about my problems, when she would ask me what was wrong i would just reply with "nothing" she would get the impression that i wasn't happy with her but that wasn't it, like i said i just didn't want her to worry about my problems . But now i regret not telling her when i should have. To this day we are still broken up and it kills me. i miss her everyday and i just want to be her man again. Ive asked her why she does not want to come back to me and she says that shes scared that i will treat her wrong again and that she does not want a boyfriend.... Right now she says she wants to stay friends because she still wants me in her life. But the thing is that i want more than that. i want to be her boyfriend and i want her to my my girlfriend We just started hanging out, this passed weekend we went to ihop and i helped her with her study guide. When we were there she would show me videos on her phone and she would rest her head on my shoulders idk if thats a good thing but i liked it This weekend we are going to get coffee and hang out at this relaxing spot called the convention center, that only if shes not busy She says she misses me and she still loves me but she does not want to be in a relationship with me.... What do i do? how do my chances look on getting her back? Her older sister said to just be friends with her and in the summer to give it another shot. Is that a good idea? i mean i think it is cause in the summer she wont be attending college or anything. All shes gonna have is a job witch is less stressful ill take any help i can get! thank you Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 When one person's heart is out of the relationship, you can't "do" anything to change that. You're still in college, like me. We have a long time before we have to settle down dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 When one person's heart is out of the relationship, you can't "do" anything to change that. You're still in college, like me. We have a long time before we have to settle down dude. I never said anything about "settling down" I just want to be with this person... based on what i said what are my chances right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I'll give it to you straight. Likely, another guy is involved. By likely, I mean around 90%. She likely isn't in the 10%. As much as you want her to be. As much as you hope she is. It's a 9/10 chance she isn't. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She isn't meeting up with you this weekend in the hopes you somehow remind her how much she loves you. There aren't magic words to win her back. Wave good bye, and focus on you now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I never said anything about "settling down" I just want to be with this person... based on what i said what are my chances right now? You have zero chances. Stop being friends with your ex who dumped you. Stop hoping that you will get her back( you won't ) Stop being a doormat. Start NC, delete her from social media. And last but not least, give her the opportunity to miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 I'll give it to you straight. Likely, another guy is involved. By likely, I mean around 90%. She likely isn't in the 10%. As much as you want her to be. As much as you hope she is. It's a 9/10 chance she isn't. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She isn't meeting up with you this weekend in the hopes you somehow remind her how much she loves you. There aren't magic words to win her back. Wave good bye, and focus on you now. Well i don't think there is another guy dude. One of her male friends have already asked her out and she told him that she does not want to have anything with anyone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 You have zero chances. Stop being friends with your ex who dumped you. Stop hoping that you will get her back( you won't ) Stop being a doormat. Start NC, delete her from social media. And last but not least, give her the opportunity to miss you. you dont think its worth a shot? and you really believe i have zero chances on getting back with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Well i don't think there is another guy dude. One of her male friends have already asked her out and she told him that she does not want to have anything with anyone... Lmao when my ex fiance broke up with me, her co-worker tried to date her and she said she didn't want a relationship. Then 2 weeks later she got with the actual guy she was interested in. Then she had the audacity recently to tell me she's going to break up with him because she has feelings for me still (After 4 years of dating, you THINK?). That's neither here nor there, just to show things are never what they seem. And no, we don't think you have a chance. But personally, I think you should realize you don't want a chance with someone like this. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 You can't fix this, because she doesn't want to. Frankly, if I may say so, she broke up with you because you acted like a jerk. At the risk of sounding patronising, you don't know what stress is - or rather, you might, but get this - Life will chuck buckets of it at you at different times, sometimes huge, other times not so huge - but stress never leaves the room. It's not the 'stress' that causes the crap. it's how you handle it. And you handled everything pretty badly, by your own admission. What you're actually asking is: 'How do I undo the jerk-ness in her eyes, and let her see I'm really a nice guy?' Answer is, you can't. Once a gal has seen just what a jerk a guy can be, by hiding his emotions and pretending everything is fine, and all the while actually treating her badly because of it - she doesn't want to risk getting more of the same down the line, thanks very much. Accept she's moved on. She is tired of having to deal with your moods, and feels she doesn't deserve the sharp end of your emotional suppression. Learn to process what ails you. Understand it's better to be open and honest, instead of bottling it all up and just blowing a gasket instead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 When we first broke up she didn't want to hang out with me or anything, now she wants to be friends and she wants to start hanging out with me again... Some of my friends were saying that maybe she just needs time but my family counselor said that she opened her doors by saying that she wants to hang out again, she also said that things are looking pretty positive right now. Also talked to her my ex sister when i saw her at walmart. Her sister said to just be there for her and just give it another shot when summer comes But maybe you guys are right, maybe i really dont have a chance with this girl... But the thing is that i don't get is why does she say she still love me and misses me? How come if feel like she just doesn't want to let go? She just posted a tweet on twitter saying " my mind is saying forget that person But my heart is saying: don't let go, keep trying" Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 When we first broke up she didn't want to hang out with me or anything, now she wants to be friends and she wants to start hanging out with me again... Look at the No Contact Guide in my signature. See what 'Friend-zone' means. That's what she's doing. It's classic and very frequent that the DumpER wants to cultivate a post break-up friendship with the dumpee. Basically, the dumper wants to recruit/keep you as a friend, because then that makes the guilt of dumping you less acute. Besides, if you're willing to be a friend, you must be well on the way to 'so over this', right? I mean, you wouldn't settle for just friendship, if you were still in love with them, right? And you're such a 'comfortable' person to know! So reliable, so loyal....! Some of my friends were saying that maybe she just needs time but my family counselor said that she opened her doors by saying that she wants to hang out again, she also said that things are looking pretty positive right now. Your counsellor needs a reality check. Follow that advice and you will get soooo burned. Also talked to her my ex sister when i saw her at walmart. Her sister said to just be there for her and just give it another shot when summer comes Yeah, that's right, just keep hopping from one foot to the other, in one place, while she moves on with her life.... But maybe you guys are right, maybe i really dont have a chance with this girl... Trust us, we've been seeing this kind of thing for years. We're right. But the thing is that i don't get is why does she say she still love me and misses me? How come if feel like she just doesn't want to let go? because you're the 'back-burner' guy. The 'just-in-case' fellah. The one who she wants to rely on to pick up the pieces in case things don't pan out the way she's planning. You're 'plan 'B'. She just posted a tweet on twitter saying " my mind is saying forget that person But my heart is saying: don't let go, keep trying" Really? On Twitter? Where she knows you'll see it? Way to play yo-yo with your heart.... Do me a favour, phukkin' delete twitter, facebook, whatsapp and any other way of 'checking up' on her. Or for her to do with you, for that matter.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 This is really pissing me off! WHY THE HELL IS SHE DOING THIS? Like why is she just ****ING playing with me. Dont get me wrong we had AMAZING TIMES TOGETHER.... shes being so cold hearted. Just texted her if she was still down to hang out this weekend she said "yes" but im thinking of just calling it off. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Curiosity killed the cat Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 This is really pissing me off! WHY THE HELL IS SHE DOING THIS? Like why is she just ****ING playing with me. Dont get me wrong we had AMAZING TIMES TOGETHER.... shes being so cold hearted. Just texted her if she was still down to hang out this weekend she said "yes" but im thinking of just calling it off. That, if you'll excuse me saying, was a really, REALLY dumb thing to do.... Jeesh, talk about stabbing yourself in the eye to see if it hurts.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 That, if you'll excuse me saying, was a really, REALLY dumb thing to do.... Jeesh, talk about stabbing yourself in the eye to see if it hurts.... awesome dude. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 awesome dude. What do you mean by that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mralternation Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 .... im just gonna give it a shot. And if everything falls into place then awesome but if not, well then im just going to have to live with that... Gonna go out with her on Sunday. Ill let you guys know how everything goes...wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dude she said she didn't want a relationship. What part of that do you not understand? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 .... im just gonna give it a shot. And if everything falls into place then awesome but if not, well then im just going to have to live with that... Gonna go out with her on Sunday. Ill let you guys know how everything goes...wish me luck. You'll need more than luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) .... im just gonna give it a shot. And if everything falls into place then awesome but if not, well then im just going to have to live with that... Gonna go out with her on Sunday. Ill let you guys know how everything goes...wish me luck. Don't do it, don't meet with her,start NC and move on. While you may be eager to see your ex again, be aware that you still are emotionally dependent on this person. Wait until your feelings for your ex have subsided. There I did my job, I know that you'll ignore what I said but at least I tried. Edited April 4, 2014 by David87 Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Let me refer you to my friend over here with the same problem: Have a gander, see what you can find from this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/469665-3-year-relationship-ended-how-move-forward-update Link to post Share on other sites
guest572 Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 For your own sake, dont bother with friendship at this stage. Its like torture to do this when you want more. She has stated that she doesn't want a relationship. Saying she loves you and misses you doesnt necessarily mean she wants to get back with you although i understand you are seeing that as mixed signals. I would cut off all contact with her for a while and get back your old self. stick with your family for support. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. That will be just as effective at stopping him making a fool of himself as all the other well-meant, kind, constructive and CORRECT advice he's received so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts