Loveshack depresses me even more than I already am

[Kenagainagain]

I just got out of a relationship that started with a girl much younger than me. She was obsessed with me for a year and a half when she met me at my job. she was very young then. Won''t go into anymore specifics as they are unnecessary now. I am in NC that I had to tell her about so she wouldnt contact me. we never went all the way physically but we did do some sexual things (she was legal the whole time. ) I helped her through a lot of her problems, I may have even saved her life. I do love her a lot. It's killing me that we are no longer together, she is about to finish her second year of college, she got mad when I wouldnt be friends with her when the relationship is over. she even told me she wasn't even sure she was doing the right thing by breaking up with me.

 

 

But after reading loveshack it seems like when two people break up, even if she tries to contact me I have to forever ignore her. I have come to grips with the fact that perhaps I had gotten too nice. she was great to cuddle with, she wasn't think, but I liked that. she was my thrid serious relationship in my life. this sucks. This one is the killer. After all I have been through it doesn't seem like anything will ever work out. You put so much time into someone, and one day they just leave. no matter how good you are to them. accepting that they are imperfect...whatever.

 

I am also hurt that after reading a lot of things like " how to get your ex back" looking in advice forums etc, I see so many situations that are similar to mine......it just makes everything seem like BS. love is always temporary, if they love you, you wont really love them, if you love them, they wont really love you.....Even if you do get back together, you will just break up again.

 

 

I don't know what to do. What I thought was true love wasn't, She wasn't perfect at all, she had her problems, I loved her and tried to help her work them out. I'm done because I have been hurt like this before, but this is worse. I feel the pain of lonliness is consistent at least.

[barky2]

First off sorry for the pain, just believe it will get better.

 

Now, you're wrong or Atleast interpret it wrong.

 

NC is used to get over your ex, and move on.

 

Nc has many many positives, including finding happiness again, moving on, growing.

 

Sometimes they come back after they realize what they've lost.

 

Sometimes you don't hear from them for yearsssss.

 

People choose to go NC for the fact that they've tried and tried, and nothing changes on their ex partners end, and they keep reliving the pain.

 

Pickin a sore scab I.e.

 

No one said you have to ignore them forever.

 

No one said you have to ignore at anytime.

 

People choose to ignore/not contact because they realize it's over and it's time to move on to find their happiness again.

 

Either way, good or bad, you need time apart to let the dust settle.

 

So if you're looking for answers from us, as a community, on how to get a ex back I'll give you the answer everyone will tell you.

 

Nothing.

 

Nothing you can do will win your ex back PERMANENTLY.

 

Sure you can go ahead beg and plead get them to come back out of guilt for a few weeks, and they'll leave again.

 

And then you start the process over again.

 

My advice always, is to leave the ball in their court, and walk away.

 

Leave them alone.

 

THEY need to be the one to come back.

 

But even sometimes when they do come back or give you a "breadcrumb" , it's short lived and they leave again.

 

One day you'll get sick of being hurt and want to recover and move on, that's when you begin NC.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[lioness84]

I understand what you're saying Kenagainagain the NC approach doesn't leaves a door open for 2nd chances because it's meant to protect your heart and help you move on for good.

 

My situation is a little different, I broke up with my ex.

I still really love him. I know I can't reach out to him anymore because I've always done that, its never helped us, he knows that whenever he messes us I'll forgive him because I always want to fix things. I'm doing the NC to protect myself and let him make a move. If he wants to speak to me I will hear him out for sure, no doubt but getting back together with him can only happen if things change and if he wants to work on us. Otherwise we're done for good.

 

Do what's best for you. Sometimes we don't see how much in a bad relationship we're in until we read other peoples stories. I read so many posts here that partly remind me of my situation, It really helps but take it with a grain of salt, sometimes it can bum you out just because of how much everyone is hurting around here.

[4everalones]

I know what you're going through. If you check my previous posts, you'll see that I was posting about the same thing: How no contact just makes you feel lonelier and sadder. It's hard to have someone be a big part of your life and suddenly go cold turkey. I wish I could help you and take your pain away. But you should know that you're not alone.

 

After a lot of thinking, I decided to remain in No Contact. After all, you should consider that you're in a vulnerable state right now, and you're probably not able to make sound decisions. you're emotional, hurt, and weak. You don't want your ex to see you like that, and you won't benefit from contacting her now.

 

I wanted to be friends with my ex as well (something is better than nothing!). But how would you feel when she starts dating someone new, would you be there for her as a friend? would you be able to deal with it like a regular friend would?

 

No Contact is hard, but it's a protective shield. I really hope it will get easier for everyone here.

[SammySammy]

You don't have to ignore her forever. You have to heal. This pain you're feeling has to go away. The best and quickest way to heal is to not keep ripping the bandage off the wound. That's the purpose of NC.

[Trovador]

Loveshack is not for everyone, that's for sure, but we would be glad if you stayed...