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she's back in my mind and i'm driving myself crazy wanting her back


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my girlfriend dumped me last summer. it wasn't the smoothest break up and we both intentionally hurt each other, so things got really ugly.

 

since then i've told myself i'm over her & we're never getting back together, but as of late i'm missing her. all day every day she's back in my mind and i'm driving myself crazy wanting her back. its still feels like the first day she broke up with me.

 

why do i want to be with this horrible person? why do i love her so much? i need to let go, but want her back so bad. do you guys ever feel this way? how did you finally let go?

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It was bad for me for a while. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, she crept into my mind throughout the day and was the last thing I thought of when I went to sleep.

 

 

But, I kept up with NC and made positive changes in my life and kept BUSY!!

 

Then, one day I got up and started up my day. It was about noon time when I realized something. She wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning. It's then that I realized that I was starting to heal.

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It was bad for me for a while. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, she crept into my mind throughout the day and was the last thing I thought of when I went to sleep.

 

 

But, I kept up with NC and made positive changes in my life and kept BUSY!!

 

Then, one day I got up and started up my day. It was about noon time when I realized something. She wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning. It's then that I realized that I was starting to heal.

 

i'm trying to keep busy, distract myself but nothing works. i'm trying to move forward, but she's dragging me back. the thought of her being with someone else doesn't help either.

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One reason could be that you are lonely and not too busy. Keep busy and NC

 

mos def lonely. keep busy as in finding a new person?

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mos def lonely. keep busy as in finding a new person?

 

 

if you think it will help, then why not. Helps for some. give it a go and see, only way you will know :)

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if you think it will help, then why not. Helps for some. give it a go and see, only way you will know :)

 

its not easy for me finding girls to date, & my self-esteem seems pretty low

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why do i want to be with this horrible person? why do i love her so much? i need to let go, but want her back so bad. do you guys ever feel this way? how did you finally let go?[/b]

 

You want this horrible person because you can't have her. You don't love her, just the self-esteem stoking feeling you garnered from being with her. It's a ruse. It's a lie. It's not real.

 

You don't want "her" back, you simply want someone who wants you, too. Perfectly normal, for someone seeking validation from others. And this is you... seeking validation from this horrible ex of yours.

 

How do you finally let go? There's no set time or date. It's not something you can circle on your inner calendar. Chi-Town said it best when he wrote that one day, poof!, he forgot to think about her. And that's they key. You need to forget to think about her. How do you do this? You be patient, live your life, stay NC and keep busy. Find another girl. Go online if meeting someone in the flesh makes you riddled with anxiety.

 

For me, and many other guys, finding a new girl is the key. Remember, you are not finding a replacement. You are finding a NEW girl. Replacement equates to a rebound; and that ain't fair for you nor her.

 

You'll be ok.

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For me, and many other guys, finding a new girl is the key. Remember, you are not finding a replacement. You are finding a NEW girl. Replacement equates to a rebound; and that ain't fair for you nor her.

 

You'll be ok.

 

you're right about this. my ex didn't want me rebounding to respect her. she wasn't going to rebound either...but from what i've heard, she's already dating, which really hurts. but its just rumors.

 

after what i went through with my ex, its hard finding a girl who i can trust, and like me for who i am. i feel like all women want and guy who is handsome, rich, is this or that and i'm insecure now.

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its not easy for me finding girls to date, & my self-esteem seems pretty low

 

Work on that, go buy new clothes, start going to the gym, give yourself a new haircut and start dating.

 

You feel this way because you dont have a girlfriend and I think that now is the perfect time to make this your main objective.

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mtnbiker3000
For me, and many other guys, finding a new girl is the key. Remember, you are not finding a replacement. You are finding a NEW girl. Replacement equates to a rebound; and that ain't fair for you nor her.

 

OP- This may not be a preferred strategy for you. It all depends on your personality and belief system. Nothing wrong with healing... by yourself.

 

You absolutely do not NEED another person in your life and it may be a downright bad idea.

 

Chances are you need to work on some of your own issues before bringing another person into the mix.

 

Just food for thought ;)

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after what i went through with my ex, its hard finding a girl who i can trust, and like me for who i am. i feel like all women want and guy who is handsome, rich, is this or that and i'm insecure now.

 

 

Yep! That's a lot of bullsh*t I got to wade through!!

 

 

Look, you pointed out a few things you need to change about yourself. Then, YOU need to make those changes!!

 

 

You say you're not handsome. Okay, change it! If you wear glasses, then change to contacts. Go get a new hairstyle people are going to notice and like! Go to the store and buy new clothes! If your a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. Then switch to buttondown shirts with a hipster tie, designer jeans, vest, and Brown Leather Brogues shoes! (I don't know why, but girls always notices a man's shoes). You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE!! Looking sharp!" When you hear that, that's going to boost your self esteem. Trust me on that one.

 

 

Go to the gym! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight! This is going to help you burn off all the frustrations and stress that you have. Plus, you need to eat right (no crap food, at all!) and get plenty of sleep and you'll be getting that rock hard and ripped bod!

 

 

There are a few things that girls have a hard time NOT touching. And that's kittens, puppies, strong biceps and six pack abs!!

 

 

You said that you're not rich. Okay, none of us really are. But, you can be well off!! So, make that change! Go to school! If you don't have a bachelor's degree, then get one. If you have a bachelor's but not a Masters, then get one. If you have a Masters but not a PhD, then get one!

 

 

If you're a single guy making 75,000 to six figures and your single?!?! No girl is going to find that as you living in the poor house.

 

 

You have to find the motivation to do those things (and when you really think about it, a lot of them aren't hard at all!). You need to find your inner strength and say to yourself, "Dammit! I'm worth it!" and then go do it!

 

 

So, maybe one day your ex will see you walking out of the gym, looking sharp and all buff and getting into your fire engine red Mustang convertible and driving off. In the meantime, she'll be picking her jaw up off the ground! THAT'S YOUR GOAL!!!!!

 

 

Go meet your goal!

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you're right about this. my ex didn't want me rebounding to respect her. she wasn't going to rebound either...but from what i've heard, she's already dating, which really hurts. but its just rumors.

 

after what i went through with my ex, its hard finding a girl who i can trust, and like me for who i am. i feel like all women want and guy who is handsome, rich, is this or that and i'm insecure now.

 

You've been watching The Kardashians too much..you need to get out of the house and do something!

 

Not all women are like this, just like not all men want brainless, blond, fake-titted blow up dolls.

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Yep! That's a lot of bullsh*t I got to wade through!!

 

 

Look, you pointed out a few things you need to change about yourself. Then, YOU need to make those changes!!

 

 

You say you're not handsome. Okay, change it! If you wear glasses, then change to contacts. Go get a new hairstyle people are going to notice and like! Go to the store and buy new clothes! If your a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. Then switch to buttondown shirts with a hipster tie, designer jeans, vest, and Brown Leather Brogues shoes! (I don't know why, but girls always notices a man's shoes). You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE!! Looking sharp!" When you hear that, that's going to boost your self esteem. Trust me on that one.

 

 

Go to the gym! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight! This is going to help you burn off all the frustrations and stress that you have. Plus, you need to eat right (no crap food, at all!) and get plenty of sleep and you'll be getting that rock hard and ripped bod!

 

 

There are a few things that girls have a hard time NOT touching. And that's kittens, puppies, strong biceps and six pack abs!!

 

 

You said that you're not rich. Okay, none of us really are. But, you can be well off!! So, make that change! Go to school! If you don't have a bachelor's degree, then get one. If you have a bachelor's but not a Masters, then get one. If you have a Masters but not a PhD, then get one!

 

 

If you're a single guy making 75,000 to six figures and your single?!?! No girl is going to find that as you living in the poor house.

 

 

You have to find the motivation to do those things (and when you really think about it, a lot of them aren't hard at all!). You need to find your inner strength and say to yourself, "Dammit! I'm worth it!" and then go do it!

 

 

So, maybe one day your ex will see you walking out of the gym, looking sharp and all buff and getting into your fire engine red Mustang convertible and driving off. In the meantime, she'll be picking her jaw up off the ground! THAT'S YOUR GOAL!!!!!

 

 

Go meet your goal!

 

don't get me wrong, women think i'm attractive. i drive a 69 camaro. i'm funny & talented. i'm an entrepreneur. my ex just kept complaining that i didn't finish college, that i was too quiet. she wanted to start a family right away, and i wasn't ready. we loved each other and were committed.

 

i just don't know if its right for her to force me to get a degree, or else she'll dump me.

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why do i want to be with this horrible person? why do i love her so much? i need to let go, but want her back so bad.

 

 

"So many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?"

 

 

That's from "Walk Away" by Ben Harper. Something that has helped a little bit lately is me realizing the truth behind this. The time I spend pacing around thinking of everything I could have done differently in the relationship or if I am ever going to be able to trust anyone again, I could focus on ways to be better for my family, friends, and even coworkers.

 

 

I could waste all this effort and time on an ex who dumped me for my friend and lied to me for months, or I could focus on the people who are actually in my life.

 

 

This isn't a giant miracle. It's not like I have flipped a switch and will never think of my ex again. But It helps put things in perspective, and reminds me that time spent thinking about her, 8 months later, is wasted time.

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