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Straight from argument to blocked??


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Hi everyone. I apologize for this being so lengthy. But I really need some help bc I am literally driving myself crazy.

 

My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months. We vacationed in Jamaica together just in December. Not long after we got home he learned his source of income was being cut off and had to take a job making a lot less money. He lives at home (as do I despite being 24 we both think it's the smart thing for us to do) and his parents are getting a divorce & still living together. Our arguing got worse and he suddenly started saying I was trying to control him...even though he asked all of the same things as me and every little thing was blown out of proportion. And it just seemed as though he got on a power trip.

 

He "broke up" with me 3 weekends ago. It was like a day of arguing it out. Called him on my way to work & told him I feel like we were misplacing stress and we should be there and work on it together. He told me just felt it was the best thing for us right then and maybe in a week or two or a month or something and not to rush things and to take them slow. I told him I didn't want to go to work and he told me not to and just go somewhere and talk to him...I instantly thought power trip and told him I had to go. The next day he was at my house every day immediately after work for the next week and on Thursday (the day before he big fight I'm about to speak of) I cooked him dinner and he asked if I was going to do that for him every day one day.

 

Well Friday came and we went to eat w some friends of mine and my brother. His ex (broken up 5 years & his first love) was there with her husband (who she left him for after 3 years). When I turned to say something to him I was looking at the back of his head. I very calmly and quietly said "you know you don't have to stare at her". He instantly exploded and yelled and cussed me. I was so embarrassed. At the table he told me I don't control his eyes and he can look where he wants & he was looking at her husband to make sure he wasn't gonna start anything w him. I told him let's stop bc we were with everyone. We tried talkin it out a bit later and he never apologized for yelling and cussing and embarrassing me. Just justified him looking.

 

Later on we began drinking. I drank too much too fast and my brother was trying to ruffle my feathers and I basically decided I wasn't listening to everyone talk bad to me in one night and I basically started a fight w him. Worst one ever. We both said mean things I know we didn't mean and I did some things I'm not proud of (I pinched his leg bc he was ignoring me after I tried making up. I kicked a door when he tried to go away from the fighting) No actual physical things here although yes I admit I went crazy. I sign on Facebook the next day and I'm blocked. He blocked my number in his iPhone settings. I've wrote him a message on Facebook from someone else's and all but got down on my knees and begged. A couple of times...Told him he should know that was alcohol and I don't act like that & that I didn't know I could either and I'm actually scared to drink now bc of it. It was just the actions from earlier in the night set me off again and as my brother got involved he was what kept me going.

 

This is day 11 since breaking up. I want to stress too that the whole week he didn't act as if anything was wrong before this. Hinting at our future the day before then straight to this. We have our bickering but nothing like that and when it's not going on we're perfect again instantly.

 

I went out last night. Didn't drink anything but water. His best friend was there and asked where he was. Told him we broke up. He asked if he went crazy on me, I said no. He asked if I did on him and I said well I guess 3/4 a bottle of fireball will do that to someone. He said oh yeah. I said I think everyone should get one get out of jail free crazy card. He said yeah and he should know women are crazy anyways. Said he called him the other day though and that makes sense bc he usually only hears from him when he doesn't have a gf.

 

Do you think he is just mad and fuming and tryin to figure things out with everything going on in his life right now? Or does it seem as though there is no hope in a situation like this? My family loved him, I loved him, and he knows all of this. My family has even reached out to him. Everyone expected us to end up married...even us as we had discussed it. Our bickering was like once a week and we were fine and back to perfect after it was resolved.

 

I haven't contacted him at all since Monday.

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Say you and your ex have bickered but never had time apart. We were pretty much perfect while not bickering. We discussed the future. He had never broken up with anyone but his last ex broke up with him without a word & never speaking to him again. We're both 24. He got this immature habit of finding that if he threatened to leave, I'd cave & kiss up eventually. We all laughed it off about being his new control freak chest beating tactic. I wasn't allowed to voice things I didn't like or he got defensive & then it would turn into a fight...usually completely unrelated to the original thing. He read me asking for things I thought were respectful as controlling...when really the arguments came from his instant defense & became unrelated. Overall, he's a good guy. My family liked him & he liked my family. We never said mean things in fights rarely cussed at one another.

 

Long story short, he took me telling him not to stare at his ex (I was looking at the back of his head. He wasn't hiding it) as me controlling him so he said & yelled & cussed me. We let it go. Got back to the house and I drank too much too soon and never had this problem before but I started a fight over it. To hit the high notes to cut lengths, we said mean things like we never have and I know we don't mean, I tried making up, he rejected, made me even madder and I pinched him telling him to go do what he threatened and kicked a door when he closed it on me. I ended up telling him to go home and I was going to bed.

 

Wake up the next day sign on Facebook and find out I'm single. Emotions caused immaturity. I mean that's it?! I comment lol on his pic. Then posted a status that I deleted almost instantly and said I deserved better than to be yelled and cussed in a restaurant in front of family friends and strangers and threatens to call another female and tagged him (ugh. Shame) I deleted it in like 5 mins. He blocked me. Understandable. I don't think it's right and would have done the same.

 

He ignored me the whole time. Turns out he ended blocking my number eventually too. I was freaking out going crazy bc he was gonna break up with me over one bad fight and not say a word to me?

 

I tried a few texts from my brothers phone a few voicemails, Facebook messages from my brothers account. I told him I would block him on there to heal myself if he didn't and then decided not make anymore moves. He read it almost instantly but then blocked it a day later I guess bc I said would & then didn't act?

 

Tomorrow is a week since I've tried to go around his blocks. If he wanted to hear from me he would unblock me. Continuing to go around at this point is just crazy. I seen his best friend out twice last week and he said he told him he saw me and he said oh really where? & them responded with "oh she's probably looking for me". His best friend said he would try to talk sense into him this weekend.

 

Everyone says 2 wks like this isn't that long. But feels like a lifetime. Do you think one bad fight could be forgiven at this point? What are the chances someone is forgiven after 2 wks of being blocked? Will he ever miss me. He has a lot of stressful things going on. & I understand he's angry but geez gone without a word? Could no contact, seeing as I don't really have a choice without looking psycho at this point, work here?

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I'm going threw something similar now with messaging trying to talk, but to be honest leaving it alone is the best thing you can do for now. Do you want to give someone that much power over you? Knowing that your hurting and almost seem desperate. He won't see it as love he's looking at it with not a care because he knows you'll be there he has nothing to mull over. Remember your a prize and worth a lot more. Hope this helps its hard to give advice when going threw something similar.:rolleyes:

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Thanks for your input, Lacey! It's like I can't forgive myself because I feel so guilty. I know I just pinched him a couple of times and kicked a door but I just feel so guilty because of it. I wasn't violent and made no attempts to be or anything. Never even pushed him. BUT it was a bad out of norm fight for us. I just feel as though even blocking my number on his iPhone settings 2 wks later is a bit extreme. I've already decided I'm not going where I know his friend will be (our friends are friends. That's how we met even) was I hoping to see him...of course...but now hearing "oh she's probably lookin for me" makes me feel like I'm being laughed at already and def don't want that. But is 2 wks really not long? I feel like it is but a lot of guys I have asked have said no especially when he's heard from me last Monday and I just talked to his friend ab things Thursday so I know they have talked about me since. Do I have any hope left as long as I avoid him or does it seem after 2 wks it's pretty set in stone and a done deal?

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Thanks for your input, Lacey! It's like I can't forgive myself because I feel so guilty. I know I just pinched him a couple of times and kicked a door but I just feel so guilty because of it. I wasn't violent and made no attempts to be or anything. Never even pushed him. BUT it was a bad out of norm fight for us. I just feel as though even blocking my number on his iPhone settings 2 wks later is a bit extreme. I've already decided I'm not going where I know his friend will be (our friends are friends. That's how we met even) was I hoping to see him...of course...but now hearing "oh she's probably lookin for me" makes me feel like I'm being laughed at already and def don't want that. But is 2 wks really not long? I feel like it is but a lot of guys I have asked have said no especially when he's heard from me last Monday and I just talked to his friend ab things Thursday so I know they have talked about me since. Do I have any hope left as long as I avoid him or does it seem after 2 wks it's pretty set in stone and a done deal?

If 2 weeks isn't long enough for him then it isn't long enough for you. Its not as easy as it sounds but try thinking of it that way. I am no one to talk but its about having the strength to do it. Another thing swell... its immature of him to handle things the way he did. Yes fine get some space but if your done at least say so. Just try distracting yourself .. just like when a baby cries you distract it with toys. Stay busy and don't talk to your mutual friends about it, he will know your still struggling with what's going on and nave nothing to worry over. Its hard advice to follow but when there's a will there's a way.

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Thanks! I've decided I'm going to do it. I just simply won't go out and that's problem solved. I won't see his friend (who in all fairness brought him up to me first both times. The second I did have a moment of weakness about being heartbroken and saying I loved him and I'm sorry and he could tell him that even though it was prob best he don't . Oh gah.) Lol) but def think it's best I just lay low now.

 

I'm hoping for 2 things to come of this:

1) either he does decide to miss me and call soon and we work it out because hindsight is 20/20 and I def know my mess ups and what I need to not do anymore. Or..

2) I somehow find a positive like the people on here and accept things and end up happier.

 

Sometimes I feel like silence is the answer and he hates me and it's the only answer I'm going to get. His ex left him like this and he's never broken up with anyone...maybe he doesn't know. Not telling me is immature but all the Facebook activity followed by blocking I feel gave my answer. No answer is my answer. And because of that...it's hard to not feel abandoned and uncared for and easily disposable.

 

I guess those are really the only 2 possible outcomes anyways. I'm just one of the people here who lack patience and don't want time to answer questions. Like I want a timeframe even though no one knows but him. Guess it's part of my grieving.

 

I hope you have good luck with yours too. We can do it. I wonder sometimes if not being able to contact him or being able to rub salt in the wounds is actually a blessing in disguise.

Are you blocked too or just struggling with no contact?

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May I note though: I really think the world of him. I don't think they make better guys outside of this last final blow. That's why I feel so guilty over the way I handled things. I do think we could go back but I'm like everyone else and fear time is tarnishing things instead of shining them. I'm just losing hope after this period of time now though =\

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May I note though: I really think the world of him. I don't think they make better guys outside of this last final blow. That's why I feel so guilty over the way I handled things. I do think we could go back but I'm like everyone else and fear time is tarnishing things instead of shining them. I'm just losing hope after this period of time now though =\

Don't worry honestly time will tell. Right now do things you like focus on you go to the gym ,read up on things to make you feel better. This man is not god. He didn't dosnt deserve the worship and power your giving him REGARDLESS if you made a mistake. You have one life to live and every moment you spend worry about someone who especially isn't worrying about you ' your wasting precious time where you could be happy. It is not in our control we have to leave them be and redirect energy back to the one that truly matters..... ourselves. Its hard I'm not one to talk my ex texted me back this morning and I told him off. Its a relief but at the end of the day it gets you nowhere. Trust me live your life its a precious gift

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Thank you for your words & taking the time to answer my questions. Seems like yesterday was a good day but today doesn't seem as though it is gonna go in that direction. I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to. Not going crazy like you want to sure is a test of your patience lol.

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Story similar to mine.

 

A loving relationship and a fight with some heavy words ended me being blocked for like six months by the end of this month.

 

Are you sure he doesn't have a personality disorder?

 

Go NC. He can't cold shoulder you if you don't do anything.

 

Would you spend the rest of your life with someone who takes the easier way out instead of communicating his feelings?

 

You deserve better. Everyone does.

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Thank you for your words & taking the time to answer my questions. Seems like yesterday was a good day but today doesn't seem as though it is gonna go in that direction. I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to. Not going crazy like you want to sure is a test of your patience lol.

Push girl!!! Smile remember sometimes these are blessings in disguise. Put makeup on dress sexy make yourself feel good. Go to a bar or restaurant, sometimes you will meet someone who's alone and could use company. And after being on and off for 3 years with a us less thing I called a boyfriend, I realized as soon as you start to move on its as if you give off some energy and they feel it and they come around.... and that's when you have to decide hey is this guy even worth it? Do I want him?... I'm attractive smart intelligent and have a big heart. Are you WORTHY of this anymore? Just stay positive he should be worried not you.

Edited by Lacey.
typo
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Well something bad happened last night. I went to a bar I didn't think anyone he would know would be at...& guess who walks through the door after I've been there close to an hour....his best friend! We were out drinking for st pattys day.

 

I asked his friend "am I being called crazy?" He said "yeah". I asked what it is he is so mad over?" He says "he said you threatened to call the cops on him." I said "yeah I was way too intoxicated but I didn't!" He shrugged his shoulders and said he don't know and said he was about to go to another bar.

 

I then tried to call 3 times and sent 3 texts (shame!!! Stupid alcohol got me again!) but felt like at the time since I now know what really caused all this i should address it. The last time I tried calling he sent it to voicemail & I gave up...but told him in the texts that I heard he was calling me crazy & I guess I deserved that but at least I can look back and say I tried and fought for someone I love.

 

He's not mad over me pinching or kicking a door but he's mad over threatening to call the cops to make him leave?!? If I had done it, then of course break up with me but because of a threat while intoxicated?!? This is ridiculous!

 

He don't have to worry. I won't be contacting him and definitely will not be going out since apparently his best friend is everywhere anyways. He can have no contact if that's what he wants over such a stupid reason. Being immature, over dramatic, & over sensitive.

 

Don't you love when you start talking tough but are still crushed inside? At least I now have my reasoning. I'm not okay with being called crazy either. I hadn't contacted him in a week before that! Knowing anymore and I'll keep my crazy label and the fact it's such a stupid reason should at least end up making things easier now to move on.

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That's what I said & decided too! Nothing good is coming from it the past 2 times lol. Guess I thought now that I knew the exact problem I could try to fix it but went overboard. I do still feel like breaking up over an empty threat was overboard. And blocking all communication. Like he couldn't even talk to me ab it? I don't know that even 30 days no contact will save me on this one. At least I don't have any desire to contact him now. Would love if he did but I don't feel like I should try anymore.

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That's what I said & decided too! Nothing good is coming from it the past 2 times lol. Guess I thought now that I knew the exact problem I could try to fix it but went overboard. I do still feel like breaking up over an empty threat was overboard. And blocking all communication. Like he couldn't even talk to me ab it? I don't know that even 30 days no contact will save me on this one. At least I don't have any desire to contact him now. Would love if he did but I don't feel like I should try anymore.

He couldn't be mature and explain to you himself the reason? But told his best friend? How immature is that dint you hate games?.. don't call him, text him or ask his friends questions. Next time you see his best friend be happy act unaffected! You can do it girl .... we will do it together teamwork!

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Are you wanting yours back? Yeah I said won't go out anymore but told mom earlier that I may go tomorrow night & if his friend is there be nice & friendly but not bring him up at all. She said that would prob get him more than anything is to know I was there and didn't even talk about him. So that's my plan now. I just don't know what to do if his friend brings him up...because I have twice now...but he has twice as well.

 

What's odd is, his best friend watches me the entire time. Has the last 2 times. Like in between his throw in darts always looks back at me. I don't know if he's watching so he can go tell or what. My friend even pointed it out last night.

 

Is it a bad move to bring a guy friend? Or will that just look sleazy to my ex if he thinks I moved on that quick? Or better to just pretend like I'm happy being single?

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Are you wanting yours back? Yeah I said won't go out anymore but told mom earlier that I may go tomorrow night & if his friend is there be nice & friendly but not bring him up at all. She said that would prob get him more than anything is to know I was there and didn't even talk about him. So that's my plan now. I just don't know what to do if his friend brings him up...because I have twice now...but he has twice as well.

 

What's odd is, his best friend watches me the entire time. Has the last 2 times. Like in between his throw in darts always looks back at me. I don't know if he's watching so he can go tell or what. My friend even pointed it out last night.

 

Is it a bad move to bring a guy friend? Or will that just look sleazy to my ex if he thinks I moved on that quick? Or better to just pretend like I'm happy being single?

To be honest I wouldn't bring a guy friend along, only because your ex will find out and might try to do things out of spite swell to make you jealous, and I don't think it would be a nice situation. You might get hurt. Don't pay attention to his friend its pretty obvious he is going to back and tell your ex everything. If his best friend decided to bring him up to you, just say something brief and politely change the topic. Its NONE of his business unless you wanted it be. And you don't want you ex thinking your waiting around for him. .. as for my ex he can go fly a kite.

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Ohhh good point!! Yeah def won't do that. I thought it may look sleazy too. He thinks girls who go out are sleazy anyways. Even though we met in a bar when neither of us were drinking! We used to laugh and say we would have to tell our kids one day (yikes) that we met in a restaurant haha.

 

But you're right. Could blow up in my face so quickly!

 

So here's my plan: go, don't bring him up, be nice, & then disappear from the scene bc then he will wonder what happened to me when his friend says he hasn't seen me out.

 

I hope he sees how ridiculous and immature this is within a couple of weeks. We really were good together. Such a shame to ruin something like that and throw it away over one night of arguing and mistakes.

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Ohhh good point!! Yeah def won't do that. I thought it may look sleazy too. He thinks girls who go out are sleazy anyways. Even though we met in a bar when neither of us were drinking! We used to laugh and say we would have to tell our kids one day (yikes) that we met in a restaurant haha.

 

But you're right. Could blow up in my face so quickly!

 

So here's my plan: go, don't bring him up, be nice, & then disappear from the scene bc then he will wonder what happened to me when his friend says he hasn't seen me out.

 

I hope he sees how ridiculous and immature this is within a couple of weeks. We really were good together. Such a shame to ruin something like that and throw it away over one night of arguing and mistakes.

Yes and take time for yourself and figure out if this is what you truly want? Every time a disagreement or argument happens, is this the way he should go about it? He's punishing you. I personally think you may want to take this time to reevaluate!

Edited by Lacey.
typo
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But is it really punishing if it's been almost 3 weeks now?

No its a break up. but if he decides to come back, and this is how he handles a situation between you to then I'd say so.

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Thank you for your advice. I'm feeling antsy today. The more time goes on the more I feel as though he isn't ever going to get over it. Guess that's out of my control though. Just gotta keep pushing through.

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