CadeYeager Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I know this is long to read but I took a few days to make it as clear & concise as possible, so thank you for those who take the time out of their day to read this. - My girlfriend recently dumped me late January (2 year RS). For me it was out of the blue and over the phone so nothing was making sense at the time. I understand that “out of the blue” breakups usually involve the dumper emotionally checking out way before the BU… after browsing around here on LS. Anyways… I called her over the next few days to see what in the world was going on. - I got excuses ranging from school, work, and family to me not being religious enough to her not feeling it. Things were going just fine for the both of us. We spend a great New Year together, planned on things to do in the summer, and we were even in the process of booking a cabin for the two of us for next winter. So as you can see “out of the blue” is the only term I can side with right now. - 3-4 days after the 1st breakup I got a chance to meet and talk with her. We sat in my car for 3 hours and finally decided to give it a try again. At this time I still had no idea what was going on. We went back to our usual selves for about a week. She came over one night and we had a great time. Hell we even had sex. - Later in the night she gave me another call and told me that she really wanted to end things. This sent me over the edge. I was so tired of not knowing what was going on that I just accepted it. It been about 3-4 weeks since this happened and I’m still somewhat hurting from all of this. - Now here’s the part I really want to elaborate on. The first year of dating was amazing. It was the best thing I could’ve asked for. We had each other’s backs. After a year something started to change. The relationship started to get deeper and deeper… obviously. I started to lose interest, not in her or the relationship, but I got bored. I wanted for the both of us to experience NEW. We both come both different lifestyles. I lived a more social, outgoing, spontaneous lifestyle while she grew up very sheltered and family oriented. I think that getting her to get out of her bubble was part of the issue. When friends would ask how y girlfriend and I were doing, I found it hard to answer. I “uneasily” said that were doing well. I’ve thought about BU multiple times because I knew that this girl was someone special to me. I wanted to work through things. - When she pulled the trigger on me, why was I so hurt? Now please don’t jump to assume it was an ego hit because it wasn’t. I don’t believe I’m entitled to anything. Back to the subject… Why was I so hurt? Why did I fight to get her back even though I’ve had thought many months before about the two of us not working out and had thoughts of BU? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 You were hurt because she was the one to pull the trigger. She took your thunder and all control you had in the situation. Perhaps in thinking about ending the relationship, you were imagining scenarios where she might beg to keep it alive, or be distraught and the fact that she wasn't as committed as you thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 You were hurt because she was the one to pull the trigger. She took your thunder and all control you had in the situation. Perhaps in thinking about ending the relationship, you were imagining scenarios where she might beg to keep it alive, or be distraught and the fact that she wasn't as committed as you thought. It's so tough because I'm trying to take myself back to what my thought process was when I thought about ending things. I didn't because I was holding onto hope. Hope that something would change. Something that would impact the both of use and project us forward from where we were. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 It sounds like you both weren't as committed or invested in the relationship after a while. It sounds like you two simply weren't compatible (anymore). You started to lose interest and it seems like she did it. You had thoughts of breaking up multiple times, and if you had been the one to do it, you might not be hurting as much as you have been. It sounds like you're getting through it pretty well though. It's normal to be hurting with the loss of a relationship, of a connection you had with someone. It sounds like you're making progress. Link to post Share on other sites
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