Weird Rebound situation after 10 year relationship

[dclan]

Hello everyone, I have a weird problem that might requiere some advice.(I apologise in advance, because english is not my main language, so I might have some errors/missspelling)

 

 

You see, 6 months ago, me and my long time gf, broke up. We'd been together for a lil bit over 10 years.

 

She broke up with me, mainly because she felt that the relationship wasn't moving foward, that I was a bit "stucked" on my life.

 

The thing is that, we've been together since we were 15 years old. We are now both 26 years old. We both went through high school, eventually college, our first jobs, etc.

 

The thing is, I'm from chile, and here people don't usually move in together until they get married or have an outstanding financial situation, because living alone is very expensive. Most people live with their parents until they get married. Since we are both in college, on sucky jobs (we both live with our parents), we usually used to be on pretty good terms regarding this, and although we eventually hoped to move in together, have kids,etc, we both understood the situation, and we were waiting for both of us to finish up college and have at least a stable job.

 

The problem is that, last year, I lost my job (5 months before we broke up), and was currently looking for another one. This made money a lil tight for me, so I tried to stop spending so much, but things were overral pretty well. I also had doubts about my studies (I study law, but honestly disliked it), and was thinking of changing universities.

 

The thing is that 6 months ago my gf broke up with me, saying things were not the same, that I wasn't moving foward, that I was stucked (which I agree I maybe was), and that she needed more, she needed a plan for the future. So she broke up with me.

 

During that week I spent all my time calling her, trying to fix things, ask her, trying to understand what went wrong (which is pretty obvious, she, although a bit demanding, wasn't wrong)

 

After 2 week of she not calling, we saw each other again, had sex, kisses, all well, then she said:" no, I still want to break up". So although devasted, I accept it, and cried myself for 2 months with little contact (usually sending messages on FB or calling her cel), but eventually I accepted it, and moved on.

 

3 months after the break up I was doing sort of well, sad, but well, with NO CONTACT at all.

 

4 to 5 months after the break up I was already over her, actually having fun with friends and meeting girls. I still loved her, and had some little wish in my heart that our paths would eventually bring us together again, but overall, things were pretty good for me (I also found a new good paying job!)

 

Here is when the story actually starts:p:p:

 

So 2 weeks ago (5-6 months after we broke up), her older sister, who I've known my entire life and get along pretty well, came to see me. She told me her lil sister (my ex) was dating some new guy, for around 4 months now, meaning she started dating him like 1 month after we stop dating.

 

Her sister was a bit worried, that she had taken up a new relationship as soon as ours had ended. I was also personally a bit shocked, not because she was with someone else, but because she was in a "sort of serious" relationship with some new guy, only weeks after we broke up. It all seemed pretty fast.

 

It turns out the guy was a friend of hers from college. She's known the guy for like....3 or 4 years now. This guy has always had a little crush on her, and he probably hoped both of us would eventually break up. She was already introducing him to her family as her new boyfriend, going out with him almost everyday, and already planning on maybe moving in together by the end of the year.

 

Her sister was obviously worried that she was like moving to fast. According to her, she was on a rebound relationship. But not because she was missing "me", but because she felt she had to fullfil her life's plan of eventually moving in with a guy, starting a family, etc. Although the relationship seemed to be doing "well", she was clearly worried her sister was rushing into things, only because she felt that all the years and plans she had with me had been wasted when we broke up.

 

So she asked me to talk to her lil sister. She would actually want us to be together, although I mnbot enteirly sure I feel like being dragged into this again.

 

The thing is, I did offer to help her. IF my ex is indeed making a mistake I would like to help her. I know I risk getting myself get hurt, or end up being hated as the jelous ex.

 

But here is the thing:

 

Is this really a rebound relationship?

 

My thoughts are it is.....mainly because of the speed, the fact she dated a close friend (friends are usually rebound material), etc.

 

I would appreiciate any advice that you can give me

 

I know I should not get involved and let myself be hurt again.ç

 

However I feel like at least gettign some perspective to talk to her older sister, so she can help her.

 

SO ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ON REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS, CONSIDERING OUR PARTICULAR SITUATION WOULD BE SUPER APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:o:o:p:p:p

[Poppyolive]

I think you need to keep doing what you're doing....happy, having fun & moving on. I understand her sister is worried and its sweet you reached out to you. But I think she should talk to her sister not you. I'm sure her sister is thinking for you to be lil sister knight and shining armor to barge in and break up the rebound relationship....on so on... But lil sis your ex is old enough to make her own decisions and her own mistakes if that's what they are....it is not your responsibility and you wilk only look like the crazy ex and can possibly drive a further wedge between you and your ex...those paths you hoped to have cross again will certainly not.....

 

My advise is shake it off, tell her sister although you appreciate her reaching out to you for help that there ia nothing you can do to help. And forget you were called on this for help.....keep on caring for yourself...

[dclan]

I think you need to keep doing what you're doing....happy, having fun & moving on. I understand her sister is worried and its sweet you reached out to you. But I think she should talk to her sister not you. I'm sure her sister is thinking for you to be lil sister knight and shining armor to barge in and break up the rebound relationship....on so on... But lil sis your ex is old enough to make her own decisions and her own mistakes if that's what they are....it is not your responsibility and you wilk only look like the crazy ex and can possibly drive a further wedge between you and your ex...those paths you hoped to have cross again will certainly not.....

 

My advise is shake it off, tell her sister although you appreciate her reaching out to you for help that there ia nothing you can do to help. And forget you were called on this for help.....keep on caring for yourself...

 

Yes I honestly feel that way. I don't really want to get in the middle, at least not now.

 

however, what I need to know if she is truly on a rebound relationship, or if she is just moving on. Not only because I would like to properly advise her sister, but because if she is on a rebound, it might mean some hope for me in the future.

 

I mean, the guy she is dating was a guy that always had a crush on her. I honestly feel as if she just picked this guy because he was a good "prospect" that already loved her hehe:laugh:

[VeronicaRoss]

No one knows for sure except her. I met my husband 2 months after a break up, I was dumped by a man I was engaged to. I thought it wouldn't happen for a long, long time but no -- I met a great new guy almost right away and he was so much better for me. It wasn't rebound at all.

 

So...you never know. And even if it is now it might turn into something great.

 

And you should not make this your business. You will only end up getting more hurt if you try to get involved essentially in the romantic life of your ex.

 

It's not her sister's business either.

[sidney2718]

No one knows for sure except her. I met my husband 2 months after a break up, I was dumped by a man I was engaged to. I thought it wouldn't happen for a long, long time but no -- I met a great new guy almost right away and he was so much better for me. It wasn't rebound at all.

 

So...you never know. And even if it is now it might turn into something great.

 

And you should not make this your business. You will only end up getting more hurt if you try to get involved essentially in the romantic life of your ex.

 

It's not her sister's business either.

 

Or, to put it another way, some rebound relationships actually work out. Everybody is different and each relationship is different.

[TaraMaiden]

One: it's none of your business.

 

Two: her sister has no right to involve you.

 

Three: It's possible (though by no means certain) that she had a thing for this guy BEFORE you two actually broke up for good. In other words, all this "stucked" thing was just an excuse for 'I've found someone else and I think I like him better'.

 

Four: See number one.

 

Walk away from this one; you risk getting hurt all over again.