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"write a letter or not, pros and cons" Need Advice


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 15th August 2004, 9:21 PM   #1
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"write a letter or not, pros and cons" Need Advice

Hey everybody out there, I got a question and just need some input. For those who dont know my situation you can read my post under Second Chances, "Ex called, need some advice". I would greatly appreciate if you get the chance to read it so you can better help me with the question im about to ask.

Anyways you see my ex broke up with me about two months ago. There has never been any NC for longer than two weeks. She is the one that calls. Anyways thats not the point however i failed because I would call her back. So I figured that if our second chance is out there for us and its meant to be it will happen, but not know or it probably would have already occured. You Know? The good part is that we left things on great terms and we still care for each other deeply. My question is this. Our relationship was a LDR so she broke up with me over the phone. When we talk I dont bring stuff up about us or what went. However there is so much that I want to tell her. I was thinking about writting a letter to her explaining all my thoughts about things. Is this a good idea or not? What are the pros and cons of writting a letter. Has anyone done that and if any, what kind of results did they get. I just have to get this stuff of my chest or i will have a tough time moving one. Please give me some advice. Thanks.......Kodiak
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Old 16th August 2004, 11:00 AM   #2
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Thumbs up I say go ahead

I, too, was cut loose from an LDR exactly 2 months ago, today, Kodiak. Which, I suppose, is the reason that I was given my walking papers so disrespectfully via phone. That's another issue, which happens to get me hot under the collar, but let's stick to whether you should write a letter.

I, too, have often felt that I have so much to tell him (and not necessarily just the bad stuff) that I need to do it to get it off my mind and be able to move on. Unlike you, however, we have had ZERO contact in those 2 months. After he hung up on me, we have not communicated in any way since.

I am trying to swallow all the things that would benefit me greatly to be able to say to him, but as he hasn't given me a chance by contacting me, I'll have to keep struggling with it because I refuse to play the whining, harping dumpee calling him up to get some "closure." But since she has been contacting you and worse, making you believe that there's a chance for reconciliation even while she's dating a dud, you are MORE than justified in making all your feelings known to her and getting them off your chest.

Just so long as you realize that it may not help to effect a reconciliation, but will free you of all this baggage so that you can live your life.
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Old 21st August 2004, 2:26 PM   #3
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hey everybody-

I wrote earlier about writting a letter to my ex just so that I can tell her all the stuff that I need to. There is so much that I need to tell her, that i never got that chance too. I feel that if i can tell her these things that I will be able to move on. The thing is that I dont want her to send me a letter back or reply to me. I know that it will be too hard to read something from her. I started writting her a letter the other night and I broke down and lost it. It wasnt that it was a sad, sappy letter but it was just so hard to write. I dont know? I mean should I write her this letter or not? I have no hopes that her reading my letter will make her come running back.

Also I have another question. My ex has called me the last three times since we broke up. Usually the calls come about every other week or so. Last time we talked for like a hour or so and it was aewsome. Most situations I read about on this site, it seems that the exes are not kind to the dumpees. My situation is totally different. We broke up under the best terms possible, unless my ex lied to me when she told me all the stuff she did.( Always possible). Anyways do you think that I should try giving her a call this time. Or since I think she knows that i still love her, just let her do the calling. I figure that if she wanst to call me, she will. What does everybody think?

I just hope that all this will be over soon. Its been two months and it stil hurts. Either i just want to forget about her and fall out of love with her or get my second chance. Need some advice, please!!!!!
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Old 25th August 2004, 3:44 AM   #4
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i need a womens input, please

Hey Everybody-


So I have been debating writting a letter to tell my ex all the stuff that I wanted to tell her that i never could. By no means Im going to ask her for another chance or tell her that she made a mistake, nothing like that.
I know that i might never speak to her again or see her, but for some reason im afraid that im trowing away my pride if I send her some letter. I know that I need to tell her these things though. So my questiuon is this ladies... If you got a letter from a ex that you broke up would you take the time to read it. I dont want her to show all her friends and family and become the laughing stock of the day. I mean i really want to pour my heart out to her in this letter. They always talk about no-contact. If you received a letter from a ex would this just push you away farther from him and be more of a turn-off. I just really dont know what to do. Please help...Kodiak
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Old 25th August 2004, 7:04 AM   #5
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i'd say NO LETTER...

definitely NO LETTER

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Old 25th August 2004, 12:52 PM   #6
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why do you say that? What are the reasons for not sending a letter?
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Old 25th August 2004, 1:30 PM   #7
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If this is really what you want to do and you feel you need to do this then you should. Some people need closure in their lives and your writing a letter may give you that. Don't worry about opening your heart up and not receiving the type of response you hope for. Don't think about how it will make you look or what people will think of you for doing it.

If you're filled with an abundance of emotions and they're pure and honest then I see no reason not to put them on paper. Regardless of how she responds, if she responds at all, you will know that you told her exactly how you felt and that there can never be any question how much you cared for her.

Write it.

Anyone that laughs at you for loving is the fool, not you. Anyone that mocks you for sharing your emotions is the idiot, not you. Don't let cynicism and cruelty suffocate your good intentions. Write the letter and don't listen to all of the sad-lonely-people on here that have been burned by love and therefore would prefer to let their heart shrivel up and die before taking a chance again.
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Last edited by Pocky; 25th August 2004 at 1:36 PM..
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Old 25th August 2004, 3:49 PM   #8
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Pocky-


Thanks for the reply. I think im going to do it, I think im going to swallow my pride and just send her the letter. You are right, who the hell cares what people think of me or what they might say. She might laugh at me and show it to all her girlfriends. I dunno know? However atleast i will be able to get all this stuff of my chest. I need to do it. I dont know if it is for closure or just so I can tell her what she needs to know. Probably a little of both i guess. Its so hard for me to write this. I started the other night and I started to cry and the fact is that its wasnt that sad. I just started thinking about all the goodtimes. My relatiuonship was like all the others. Not more than a week before she was telling me how much she loved me and how happy she was with me being her boyfriend. Then "WHAM" out of the blue its over. I feel like I dont exist to her anymore. I think about her everyday still and its been two months. I lay in bed at night and wonder if she ever thinks of me anymore or if she has someone new and she doesnt care. It kills me inside. I hope that every once in awhile i come across her thoughts and maybe she smiles. Our relationship ended on good terms. There was no hatred or mean things said. No cheating (atleast as far as I know). Anyways thanks again for the advice. I can use all that i canm get.......Kodiak
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Old 25th August 2004, 4:09 PM   #9
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Kodiak,

I agree with Pocky, write the letter, its comming from the heart...how gives a rats @ss what anyone thinks....if she cant see that you are pouring your heart to her and that should be a private thing between the two you regardless that you are not together....if she shows it to others then she did not care for you or value the relationship you guys had....good luck....
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Old 25th August 2004, 4:29 PM   #10
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drjones-


Thanks for my reply my friend. You are absolutely right and I never thought of it that way. If she makes fun of it then she really did not care for me in the long run. Even if she does show it to her friends and they get a laugh out of it, atleast i knowo that I was sincere and told her what my heart had to say. I think that is important. Have you had any experience writting letters and if so what was the outcome. ( that question is open to anyone) Thanks again for the reply..........Kodiak
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Old 25th August 2004, 5:06 PM   #11
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Kodiak,

I wrote a letter (e-mail about a month ago) to my ex telling how i felt about her and that I am trying to get my life in order career wise (we broke up due to distance and her time schedule and my uncertainty in where my career is going)...she also told me that during out break up time she was helping a old ex deal with his fathers passing away...she said she started to feel a "connection" with him and he convinced her to try "us" again and she said ok(think it was just pity..but i could not tell her that she its not my place to do so) and that she wanted to get back with him. So I guess we just broke up due to bad timeing or whatever...I know we could work things out if my life was inorder.....anyway I told her how i felt about her and that I am "chasing a rainbow now to get back my self that I had lost a longtime ago (self esteen, i am hard on mysefl, just angry of not getting where i want to be...this all well before I met her....I guess she got me when i reached rock bottom)....and that you would like the newme/Old me before i lost my confidence and that when i reach the end of the rainbow I want her to be there with me....I told her that I cant stop you from seeing that guy its your choice but i wish i could....I told her if she still has feelings for me let me know, not know I need to be alone for a while and told her after a certain day (I amstudinyg for an board exam and I did not wnat to know what ever way she decides unitll i am finsihed) and that was that...we has not conacted each other since so I dont know how she is doing or if she will tell me....i have a few more weeks unitll my test...so I dont know what will happen....I still miss her lots I am getting better with myself...I still dont know where my life is going but i have a direction...I just wish she would be with me....I know we are borken up so I dont think that will change then but I still keep a candle lit in my heart that she will...but if that does not happen I guess I will know for sure its over.....I hate feeling this way, this heartbreak has done a toll on me and I odnt know if she feels the same for me....sorry for being so long...today was one of my low days and i needed to vent....
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Old 25th August 2004, 5:35 PM   #12
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Kodiak,

I would say go for it. I wrote a letter to my EX---I took my time with it and made sure I wasn't putting blame on her...or trying to make her feel guilty (she broke the relationship off). I basically told her what I was learning from this---or what the relationship/breakup has taught me. I think your letter will be quite different from mine, just use your words wisely.

I wish I could tell you that I got a response from it, but I didn't. The good thing is I told her how I felt when we brokeup--that I still loved her, would do whatever it takes...etc. Then I sent the letter about 2 weeks after with what I know I've learned and what I need to do for myself. Maybe I did the wrong thing, but at least I feel like everything I wanted to say is out there for her. Now I can do the NC thing a little easier---well I guess its never really easy! Anyway, I feel that I've done all I can do now, and that somewhat eases the pain.
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Old 25th August 2004, 7:19 PM   #13
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drjones-

Thanks again for your reply my brother. I was reading your post and it seems so similiar to ho my ex and I ended things. We too were doing the long distance thing and our lives got so confusing. You see I am 24 and already have my career till I retire. I am a fireman with a huge dept, make great money, buying a house soon, etc... She on the otherhand is still trying to fugure out what she wants to do and she knows that the only way our relationship could work is if she moved to be with me. That is a big step for a 23 year old to make. Would u agree? Anyways it just got too much for her so she broke up with me and broke my heart. She is an amazing girl and I never loved like this before. Do you think that when two people are in different levels in their lives in can make a relationship tough to work out? I mean most guys my age are in the same boat she is in, you know? It sucks either way. I to hold onto some hope but I know that right now it wont happen. I do beleive that if we are meant to be then it will happen in the end though. thanks for your reply.

echo19-

Thanks for your response my friend. I think im just going to do it, write this darn letter. Youu are right i need to take time to write it though. Being that I might never talk to her agin, I dont want her to interpret anything the wrong way. As far as a response goes, I really hope I dont get one, unless its a positive one ofcourse. I just feel that I am not able to deal with reading a letter from her, you know? She might call and say thank you, who knows? Either way I will be able to get things off my chest that I need to. Thats important!! If you dont mind me asking, why did you two break up? Do you guys talk anymore or no? Thanks again for the advice....kOdiak
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Old 25th August 2004, 7:29 PM   #14
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by kodiak
drjones-

Do you think that when two people are in different levels in their lives in can make a relationship tough to work out? I mean most guys my age are in the same boat she is in, you know? It sucks either way. I to hold onto some hope but I know that right now it wont happen. I do beleive that if we are meant to be then it will happen in the end though. thanks for your reply.

Kodiak,

You ask me a question I have been trying to figure out my self...I dont know....we have very similar situations....my ex has her life in order she's 26 her life is stable whereas mine is not I am Doctor...still trying to pass may boards to get a residency (i am 30)....I dont know I hold on to hope just like you and people tell me the same thing "if it was meant to be then it will" I dont know what to believe anymore...I care for her very much...but are we "soul mates" I dont know....can you meet your soul mate and then she goes away and then you find her? Has this happen to anyone?

Kodiak I am lost just like you....I hate feeling like this I am angry with my self b/c I bleam myself to be in this positon, if my life was in order I would not be in this mess and be heartbroken over a woman I care for....if she is the one wouldnt she stick by me..or is that too much to ask, or did she do this to me so that I can get my life in order???? I dont now....I wish God would just send me a message
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Old 25th August 2004, 7:47 PM   #15
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drjones-

Hey my brother I firmly beleive that you can meet your soulmate, she can leave, then you two can meet up again. It has happened to people I know. Under Secind Chances, there was a thread someone started called "second chances" (I think that was it). Anyways I wrote a reply there about a guy I work with, read it and still tell me if you feel the same. Let me know? Kodiak
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