maui2k4 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Less than one week ago I found out my recent ex had met someone else less than 2 weeks ago that she decided to leave me for. We have dated on and off again and I should have known better than to get involved again, but I can only prevent that from occurring in the future again - can't change the past. What I would like to know is how long will it take to get beyond this? The best I can guess is there are a few stages that I end up going through to get beyond this... 1) Anger (only seemed to last 2 days for me) 2) Denial (again only about 2 days) 3) Guilt that you caused the breakup (2 more days) 4) Sadness/feeling lonely (Current state) 5) ??? 6) ??? 7) ??? Anyone have any pointers as to what to expect next and how long this freaking process will take? I know I have been here before, but when you are in the middle of it your vision gets blurred and seems like the pain of losing someone never will go away. I know it will and I know I should not care about someone that would be so willing to leave me for someone she just met. Logically I completely understand that. Unfortunately logic is not always used when your emotions are involved... The one thing I know I should do is force no contact. I have tried and have yet to be successful. Does anyone have any tips that actually work on how to move on and get them out of your head as quickly as possible? She actually told me today I should not date anyone anytime soon because I am not ready but she was because her heart was not in it. Seems like she wants me waiting on the sidelines until she is sure about this one... Thoughts??? Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I don't think there is any absolute pattern that somebody will go through after a break-up, as you'll most likely go through all the stages again and then some. You'll shift to anger one day, and the next you'll find yourself depressed and dejected. I instituted no-contact because I tried to reconcile with my ex... I tried to show her that she was still the most important person in the world to me, that I loved her with all my heart. But she was different from before. So I did the no-contact for myself, because it hurt too bad to see her everyday and realize that she didn't think the same of me. Do up the no-contact if you feel as if continuing contact with her will be more painful. Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Originally posted by Blah Toolz I tried to show her that she was still the most important person in the world to me, that I loved her with all my heart. But she was different from before. So I did the no-contact for myself, because it hurt too bad to see her everyday and realize that she didn't think the same of me. Do up the no-contact if you feel as if continuing contact with her will be more painful. oh, it's a bitch that i can sooooo relate to this! it hurts with a real physical pain, doesn't it? *sigh* yeah, i'm doing the no contact thing. it was driving me crazy trying to be just his "friend." Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by littleflowerpot oh, it's a bitch that i can sooooo relate to this! it hurts with a real physical pain, doesn't it? *sigh* yeah, i'm doing the no contact thing. it was driving me crazy trying to be just his "friend." Yeah... it's a pain unlike anything else. I'd rather go back to my state championship days of high school wrestling and let every single person in my weight class crossface me... or go back to karate and take repeated kicks to the groin. This pain is unlike anything else, it's far worse. It sucks when you still want to be with them... and they have suddenly changed their ambition. I remember how sardonic and sarcastic her face looked at me one night after we broke up... the same face that asked me for a promise ring and looked at me with sincerity when she heard a song that she wanted to be our wedding song. I wasn't ready to get married of course... but I did love her. Ah well, it's been making me a stronger person and all that jazz. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 There's a little curious thing about people, and paradoxically it helps a lot with coping with a break-up. That little thing, is that we easily forget good experiences, but always remember bad ones. Evryone copes with a break up in a different way, but what happens to all of us is that, initially on the breakup, we hyperfocus on the good things of the relationship, and thats why the withdrawal is so hard. However, when sufficient time passes, we "forget", and stop focusing on the good things of the relationship, but still remember the bad parts that led to the breakup. It's that one-sidedness of memory, unfair though it is, that helps us put the relationship behind us. Link to post Share on other sites
unclejo23 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 No Contact is hard... but once you get it down pat... it helps alot! I am going through pretty much the same thing... except my relationship fell 3 months short of tying the knott! She just wanted out one day... nothing happened... just wanted out, because she said she was F'd up in the head and needed to figure things out on her own? I personally think she got attention from someone while out with the "girls"(the kind with bad morals like adultry). And that attention made her feel like she was missing out on something. When we first started dating 3.5yrs ago... she had recently left a guy that I knew... she gave him a similar reason she gave me, except a couple months into our relationship, she admitted she left him to take a "shot" at me.... She would never admitt it, but I think she doing the same thing now. You're probably tired of people saying to you..."it will all work out", "if it were meant to be...." ..... but remember they mean well... Anyway, hang in there man... I have my moments too... just keep telling yourself you deserve much better! And work on the no contact... try deleting all her contact info you have(phone#'s, email, addresses, etc) Link to post Share on other sites
SMF Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 No Contact really is the way to go... that way you can be a stronger person or the dumpee can realize without you calling/emailing/im'g/text messaging- whichever you prefer. I have been broken up with my ex for 1 month and we had a very very healthy relationship - dated for a year- and spoke heavily about future things (living together, marriage, state to live in, rings, etc..) He never ever told me that he loved me and it was a tiny issue for me. While I was in it- I kept thinking to myself- oh he will eventually tell me. Well he never did. Having not contacted him in the last week and not seeing him in a month has made me realized that I DESERVED to hear that he loved me. I didn't realize it when I was in it. I deserved to hear it not bc we have been together for a year but bc HE WAS TALKING ABOUT RINGS, MARRIAGE. So sometimes when you take time apart- Not communicating- Clarity comes into play. Its very hard but you just have to be strong about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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