Happening again

[Hoaks]

Hi all,

I really need to vent here, i have stuffed up my relationship i think.

After my last nightmare, i met this girl online. She only lives 5 minutes from me. We hit it off really well at the start. She fell for my fast, and i new it was going to take me alot longer after what i had been through. It went really fast and i virtually moved in with her after a month. Stayed there 5-6 nights out of the week. I struggled to fall for her, and i guess she was kind of a rebound for me, i cared for her so much though. She is very affectionate, and i was a bit stand offish.

 

Anyway last week this led to her wanting to break up with me, she just wasnt getting what she wanted out of the relationship and felt that she gave her all and i was cold and distant to her. I was at stages because i need my space. I told her about this wall i have up and its slowly coming down and i wanted to be with her. She was reluctant but gave it a go.

 

This is turn has put me in desperate needy mode, and i start to feel insecure. It was hurting like hell because i was starting to fall in love with her. So 2 days ago i drove and picked her up from work, gave her a handwritten letter explaining how my ex stuffed me up, we sat at the beach, she read it and was ready to commit again.

 

But, last night, new years eve, she said she was done, i had damage her beyond repair and she now has a wall up and is confused and needs time. But i feel she is done for good from me . There is nothing i can do, i have stuffed this one up, because of what my ex did to me. I have never experienced this type of a breakup, she wont even give me a chance to show her how i can love her. She says things like, "im insecure now, and i am waiting for you to breakup with me all the time" and "the last month you have hurt me more than anything, and its damage me".

 

This has crushed me, finaly over my ex, falling in love and its too late. Now my anxiety has kicked back in, im a mess. Cant do anything. Again have no one to talk to about this. I dont know what to do, wait i guess? Hope she realises that it could work?

 

She is a very mature 28 year old, im 37. She has her own place and a 7 year old daughter who i get along with really well.

[FortunateSon]

Sounds like you aren't over your ex? If you thought it might be a rebound relationship, work on yourself and heal your heart...it's hard to be happy in a new relationship if you have unresolved issues from your old one.

[Hoaks]

Yes i was not 100 percent over my ex. But i did get over her with this girl but it took too long, and she got so hurt by my coldness that she fell out of love with me. Really quickly.

 

Today we ended it She asked me to leave her alone for awhile to recover from being hurt by me. But i blew up a bit and asked her if she had any feeling left for me at all. More than a friend. And she said No, sorry . So i said we are done then. I need to heal.

 

She wants to be friends in a awhile. But man, i dunno about that, i love her, and it will take me ages to get over her. I stuffed this one up, and im hating myself for it. I feel so sorry for her, what i was putting her through

 

Again, not many friends, she has alot to get her through, but she checked out a couple weeks ago anyway. To top it off, i took 3 weeks off work to spend with her, and now i have nothing

[Hoaks]

Just wanted to update my situation. She ended up begging for me back. We tried again, but through all this my old ex was contacting me and old feelings came back and put a massive strain on my current relationship.

 

So it's been a nasty breakup, we are both very angry. I know I can't be in love with this girl if I keep getting distant on her. She gave it her all again the last month. My old ex was doing my head in and I took it out on my current ex.

 

She feels I'm being paranoid, I felt she has been trying fight with me, trying to make me dislike her, so I would break up with her this time. She couldn't handle the guilt last time, so wanted to let me do it this time. And when I did 2 days ago, there was no resistence from her. Which sort of confirmed what I was thinking. In a way I guess I was testing her.

 

I think I'm so upset over this, not because I'm going to miss her as a person, I'm going to miss the company and being at her house so much. I think we are very incompatible and I get co dependant . Unresolved issues from my past.

 

She agreed to see me this afternoon, to go to the beach and talk. When I woke up, I found she has taken me off FB. So I need to stop wasting both our time and let her be. I always felt we could be great friends. That is what she would want, but I couldn't handle seeing her with another guy. She's very flirty and she has a few guy friends on FB that regularly try to flirt with her. I have caught her flirting back once which I got angry about. Again something my old ex used to do. So it brought up old issues.

 

I'm a bit lost and don't know if I still need help, am I co dependant? Am I depressed? (I am very irritable and negative the last month) I know I have bad anxiety. I have trust issues. Or maybe I need to step back, not see anyone until I fully heal from this and my last relationship.

 

So I'm confused, defeated, emotionally drained, hurt and angry. And at my age, I'm beginning to feel like it's all getting too hard and too late to be happy in a relationship. Again I'm just venting here, trying to get everything that's in my head out and written down.

 

NC all the way with this one. That's my only option. Not only losing her, we got 2 awesome cats through all this which I love. And I can't take them off her.

 

I'm going to get back into my routine of running at nights, getting fit again for a start. My emotions change so much, as I'm writing this, I was angry at the start, now I'm missing her already.

 

Well thanks for reading if you could make sense of any of it. I know it must be confusing for people...