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My No Contact Guide

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 18th December 2013, 12:18 PM   #1
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My No Contact Guide

I wanted to share a few strategies that have helped me cope through No Contact. They have made the first few days pretty bearable.

1. Surround yourself with people. I swear this is the main strategy that has helped me feel "okay" for the most part. I live with my dad and his girlfriend for the time being and just being around them (even when I crave my own privacy) has helped me not feel so lonely. It also makes it harder to sit in a quiet room and let my emotions get the best of me. It's distracting to be around people.

The one thing I try to do when with friends/family is to avoid talking about "him" and instead I listen to THEIR problems. It's amazing to realize your broken heart isn't so bad off compared to their personal problems. When you realize that your problems pale in comparison to theirs, you realize you don't have it so bad.

If you aren't near friends/family, go out! Go to Barnes & Noble, window shop, go to Starbucks and have a cup of coffee, go for a walk, do anything other than sit in your house...alone!

2. Being thankful for what you DO have and remembering that others have it worse. Sometimes we get a little caught up in our lives and our problems seem to be the only ones going on. We often forget the things we DO have that other people don't. I have my health, my limbs and a roof over my head. I have a stable job and I don't have to worry about not having money for dinner.

My friend told me he currently only eats once a day because he is so broke from transitioning to civilian life (he was in the Army). He often goes to bed with a rumbling stomach while sleeping on the couch at his brothers house who just went bankrupt.

Also, I was watching the news the other day about a woman who went from being a newlywed to a widow in fewer than eight hours after her new husband was struck and killed while assisting another motorist. I can't imagine how that woman feels and I feel completely saddened for her. But it helped me to realize that things could be worse.

It doesn't and shouldn't minimize your pain (your pain counts), but it reminds you of the things we often forget we are lucky to have. Remember that.

3. Daily Affirmations Affirmations are positive thoughts or statements about some outcome you wish to achieve (not involving someone else's free will), such as healing a broken heart, wealth or health. Instead of negative self-talk, you can use positive daily affirmations to direct what your focus will be. You can conquer your past and present fears, or help create the future you'd like to see by affirmations.

Say them aloud or to yourself at least twice a day. This will help you reinforce the positives.

1. All the things I need in love and life do come to me
2. I always receive more than what I need in life and love
3. I have a life with more than enough love in it and am always receiving more
4. I create happiness in my life in all that I say or do
5. I accept that I am loved, even though at times I feel lonely

4. Type up a list of "Negatives" -things he/she did that hurt you

1. He never bought me flowers
2. He is a selfish person
3. He never took me out
4. He made me feel insecure
5. He was inconsiderate of my feelings

Place them on a piece of paper and keep in your purse/wallet or stick on your bathroom mirror. Take it out and read the negatives when you are feeling low. It's a nice reminder to yourself why you are better off and to remain NC!

5. Replace a positive thought/memory of them with a negative one There are times we just can't help a memory from entering our mind and that's okay. It's normal. But instead of focusing on it and elaborating that memory, replace it with a negative one. For example, I miss cuddling with my ex, but I don't miss how he would yell at me if I didn't put the cap back on the toothpaste. Or I miss hanging out with my ex, but I don't miss how he would never invite me out with his friends.

6. Replacing old habits/memories with new ones Black pick up trucks, Pearl Jam and chocolate chip cookies are the few things that remind me of my ex. Whenever I come by something that reminds me of him, I am put in a sad mood. So what I have practiced is replacing them with new memories. My ex loved chocolate chip cookies and we always had cookie dough in the fridge. Next week, I'm baking a whole bunch of cookies with my mom and blasting music, laughing and talking about positive things. Next time I think about chocolate chip cookies, it will be the memories of my mom and I baking them, not my EX! :-)

7. Smile/Laugh Whenever you are sad, fake a smile. Smile as big as you can, it tricks your mind into thinking it's happy. Also, laugh. Watch funny videos, read one liner jokes or think about a distant memory that made you laugh out loud! (Like the time my friend fell down the stairs)

8. REWARD YOURSELF Every week of No Contact I am going to reward myself with something that makes me feel good whether it is a mani/pedi, massage, facial, haircut, or a new outfit etc. It's something to look forward to at the end of the week when I worked so hard to remain NC.

No Contact will be hard, for all of us. But I believe that if we stay positive, have support and remember that life is short (and there is so much else out there for us) we can get through it!

One last important thing: You will find love again. And I think that's when you will realize why it didn't work out with the ones you are heartbroken over right now.
It's better to break your own heart by leaving, rather than having that person break your heart every day you're with them.
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Old 18th December 2013, 12:31 PM   #2
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Great ideas! Thanks for that! you're gonna be just fine.
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Old 18th December 2013, 3:36 PM   #3
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Another thing I realized (for me at least) is surrounding myself with beautiful things. Going to a park full of enriched fresh cut green grass and tall beautiful trees...or going into a museum full of height and glamorous antiques...walking to a bookstore with shelves to the roof and the smell of old books...going to the ravishing ocean and seeing it's beauty off in the never ending distance and smelling the salt water while playing with the sand between your toes...

When I get sad, I focus on objects...I describe them the best I can...examine them...

Counting your breaths, focusing on the rise and fall of your stomach/chest and clearing your mind thinking only of the pitch black (nothing). It takes practice, but it's like a cleanse.

I know it sounds weird, but it helps me.
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Old 18th December 2013, 3:40 PM   #4
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Good list. I would add God is in control and has more blessings for us as long as we trust him.
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