yorkie Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 just found out ex is seeing someone for a week, and i am gutted cried all day and feel so much pain. dont know what to do and yes having nasty thoughts again and got no one to talk to. please help me Link to post Share on other sites
Softie Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 just found out ex is seeing someone for a week, and i am gutted cried all day and feel so much pain. dont know what to do and yes having nasty thoughts again and got no one to talk to. please help me you can talk to me, tell me about yourself and what happened? x Link to post Share on other sites
Author yorkie Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 i dont know where to start, 12n half years we were together, she said she doesnt love me and she gave me false hope when we first split up. we have two kids and she left me and the kids she is back at her mum n dads and i have the kids . i beggged and cired for the first 2 months and also a few times sicne it was a nasty break up. we both said and did things to hurt each other. end of the day its over i am sort of seeing someone who i like but im not over my ex and when i told her i am seeing someone she said she will because i am and she told me she is seeing someone for a week. i just dont want to feel this pain anymore i love her to bits i really do and everyone keeps saying get over her which is easier said but done. id show you all my threads but i dont know how to get them up on here. i am hurting so badly i have cried all day Link to post Share on other sites
Softie Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Can I recommended a book called Starting Over by the person who wrote men are from mars women from venus. Good read and practical too. You will hurt, that's ok to feel hurt, you need to feel it to get over it properly but eventually you need to decide if you are going to cry for months or go out try and enjoy yourself, and then cry when your back indoors if you wish, eventually you'll be having a good time and no more tears or pain. Right now, punch the bed, a pillow, cry, scream, whatever you need to do as long as your not damaging yourself or others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Do not start talking about suicide again. That is the most selfish thing you could possibly do. Think how the **** that will effect your kids????? I know its hard man, but listen, you were with this woman for 12 years? You must have been doing something right fffs! Its all still immensely painful right now, but you gotta snap out of this. You still love her. I cant believe she completely stopped loving you after 12 years. All you can do man is live for your kids right now, your ex may/possibly come back to you at some point in the future. But only if you get yourself together. This new guy has NOTHING on you when it comes to your ex. He's just some new fling most probably, i dont know, maybe not. But right now, you gotta accept its over, and do your absolute best for your kids. They're the most important thing here. Stay strong 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sambo77 Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 just found out ex is seeing someone for a week, and i am gutted cried all day and feel so much pain. dont know what to do and yes having nasty thoughts again and got no one to talk to. please help me Sorry to hear that Yorkie...that's my worst fear too. But I can avoid knowing about it. In your situation it's hard to avoid what your ex is getting up to. I'm sure it stings bad. The fact that she's got somebody else doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means. Your brain's probably putting an unpleasant spin on the whole thing; you know...like...she's having better sex with him than with you, they'll die together in each other's arms, she finally found somebody with everything she's been looking for, he's smart, amazing, perfect for her...you know the deal. But NONE of the above (a) is true, or (b) will remain true with time. She'll get tired of his naked body and the way he likes her to do certain weird **** in bed, he'll get tired of her in the same way, she'll see more and more of his personality and the incompatibilities will steadily flood in, putting pressure on the idealized image they each constructed in the humble beginnings. Eventually it'll be one clear that this is far from the ideal and the relationship will become about coping with the fact that it is far from ideal...but trying to salvage something nonetheless. They'll try to make it work...but being humans and alive in our age they'll be grossly ill equipped to forge a satisfying long term relationship that is selfless, based on empathy. Frustration, anger, confusion and resentment will slowly creep in and ruin the party until the whole thing goes tits up or they choose to live like zombies and see this out to the end because they're too scared of the alternative. That make you feel any better buddy? It's equally as likely as her having finally discovered bliss. I know how it stings. Even the imagined possibility of my ex with another guy pains me badly :-( Let me know if you wanna chat...happy to...we're both in the same country and all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yorkie Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 sorry i dont want to give that impression about suicide i will not do that for my kids as i love them but im hurting all over again. i am and have done everything for my kids and still will continue to do that! but my ex has played with my head for ages and has given me and used me breadcrumbs wise. yet she says she has never given me hope that she will come back. i am seeing someone else and im trying to move forward i really am but 12 n half years of loving someone des go away that easy and its hurts that im tossed to one side. i am and will beat this im just feeling rather low and depressed at the moment but i tell you what tomorrow is a new day but im hurting so much right now! she lied to me for years! and she is still lieing now and i just want to stop loving her as my new lady friend is great! im sick of having my mind ****ed up by a tramp thats what she is a tramp! but it hurts Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) Good man! Keep that anger and use that to see the light. She is a lying bitch. You sound like a great father too. Keep treating this new girl right. Dont let this tramp get the better of you by occupying your mind this much. Just force force FORCE her from your mind the second she enters. 12 years is 3 times my longest LTR so i wont pretend i know how hard this is, but try to focus now on all the positives, she gave you two beautiful children for starters, and now your free from her vindictive ways. Spoil them kids and spoil yourself because you deserve it sir. Edited December 12, 2013 by fixing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yorkie Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 thanks sambo, fixing, & softie. i have had my cry and my kids are coming back at 8pm tonight. tbh im moving on faster than i thought and this rollercoster is so hard. but now i am leaving her to it. i think this will actually help me move on and not contact her again apart from the kids obviously. as in two mind, firstly if it works out yeah id be gutted but pleased for her, 2ndly if it doesn't then you know what she will realise what she has lost maybe not in me but what its like to date someone and not get what they want if that makes sense. its been a very hard tough emotional day for me but i will bounce up Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 thanks sambo, fixing, & softie. i have had my cry and my kids are coming back at 8pm tonight. tbh im moving on faster than i thought and this rollercoster is so hard. but now i am leaving her to it. i think this will actually help me move on and not contact her again apart from the kids obviously. as in two mind, firstly if it works out yeah id be gutted but pleased for her, 2ndly if it doesn't then you know what she will realise what she has lost maybe not in me but what its like to date someone and not get what they want if that makes sense. its been a very hard tough emotional day for me but i will bounce up All im saying is its going to be very hard for ANY man to fill in your shoes. 12 years? You musta been doing something right for over a decade + You'll be alright in the end m8 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yorkie Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 yes i agree and everyone who knows me has even said im a good bloke and done everything right. i can walk down the street with my head held hi, but i still feel embarrassed Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Who cares what your ex is doing. What a YOU doing to take control back in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yorkie Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 yes i agree although hard i need comments like this but its hard when you love someone Link to post Share on other sites
Zoe Lilith Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) No one is worth your tears, espcially your life. Hang in there. Every end is also a new begining. Wish you all the best. Edited December 12, 2013 by Zoe Lilith typo Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Why would you tell her you're seeing someone else and not expect the same in return? You pushed -- she pushed back! Word of wisdom, don't play emotional games, they almost never work the way the schemer thinks they should. You told her straight up how you feel and unfortunately she rejected your requests. We need to have all of this energy focused on you now. I am VERY sorry for your pain; it sounds terrible but staying the course will erode at it, trust us when we tell you that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Alright. You just got kicked in the gut... Hard!! Use this as a springboard in your recovery. Now you know the truth. Now there is no more hope. Now move on!! Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Can I recommended a book called Starting Over by the person who wrote men are from mars women from venus. Good read and practical too. The author is John Gray. It's from the 80's, so a bit older. Has some good nuggets though... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qactus Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 yeah thats a nice book. Its also available in Audio Format so you might find that one good. Link to post Share on other sites
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