Get my ring back?

[mtnbiker3000]

So, I am on the fence about breaking NC to request my engagement ring back. It has been almost a year since my BU and NC for 9 months. I really don't know if it's worth it to do this or not. It is a beautiful custom made ring, but we both were against diamonds so it is only a semi-precious stone on a white gold band. It was about $800. I honestly would have spent much more, but this is what she wanted. And it is a beautiful ring

 

The following is a quick rough draft of a possible email to the ex:

 

Hi X,

 

I would really like my ring back from you. During the emotional haze of our split I know I said you could keep it. But now that things have settled and become more clear, I think the right thing to do is return the ring. It was a symbol of something that is now gone and there is no reason for you to keep it. I really don’t want to open any communication with you, I just want my ring back.

 

Me

 

I'm anxious even making this post. At the mere idea of this. But I also fear this will remain an unresolved issue if I don't address it... I just don't know

[2fargone]

If you want the ring back, ask for it. But don't explain why and such. Personally, I don't give a rats ass about what I spend on my ex. At the time she was worth it.

[headinthecloud]

Your self-respect is worth a helluva lot more than $800. If it were a family heirloom, that's another story, but asking for a ring you had made just for her will come off as petty. You're much more of a gentleman than that. You've shown us. Plus when she see's the message she'll roll her eyes and her ego will be boosted.

 

You're just wrestling with a little setback and your ego is bruised when thinking back on how she accepted your proposal. It's in the past. Try to learn from the experience, you did nothing wrong except give your heart to wrong person.

 

This will pass. Get off your computer/smartphone and get back doing what you were doing before. You'll thank yourself later. Hugs.

[JDPT]

Mtn- you are too emotional right now and it appears like you still have a bone to pick with her. Sometimes it's just best to let it go and walk away, not worth the aggravation. Think of how far you've come along, everything you have invested in your recovery, all the heartache, don't set yourself back to the starting line. Come to terms with this and put it to rest once and for all. Be strong my friend.

[forgetmenot75]

EXCUSES

 

You want to contact her. you've spent the last few days initiating posts, remembering things, missing her.

 

You wanting that ring because of the $800 are only EXCUSES.

 

What you want is to connect with her again.

[forgetmenot75]

You can only contact her when you feel no anxiety, and when you stop wasting your time remembering the past with her.

[LostConfused123]

OMG!!! NOOOOOOOO!!

 

You have come so far in your recovery!! I'm scared to death this would be a major setback for you!

 

Honestly, she KNOWS how ****ty that was of her. She has to live with it forever!

You on the other hand get to live with s clear conscience. . . trust me, it will haunt her.

 

No matter what you decide, we will all back you up and it's your choice. Still, you are so much better than her. If she wants to act like a greedy b!tch, that's her choice. You are still you. A GREAT guy!!!

 

p.s. Do you want me to go kick her ass and steal it for you? Cause I will.

just kidding!

[JDPT]

NO NO NO NO NO!

 

If you missed your chance to demand the ring back from her when you broke up, too bad. I'm sorry, it sucks that the bitch took the ring, but consider it collateral damage. Contacting her now would be a gigantic mistake.

 

 

Speaks the truth.

[mtnbiker3000]

Yes, I think this is a lost cause. And I definitely do not want to break NC. I have made it my religion over the past 9 months and to break it, even for this, would be catastrophic. I agree if it were a family heirloom, that would be different, and it really wasn't too expensive either. My recover, healing, self-respect, etc is worth a lot more than $800. So I guess she gets to keep it. Damn, I should have gotten that sh*t back when I had the chance. I just don't want her to have it. Oh well, live and learn

 

And thanks for the prompt and thoughtful replies. Just needed to check with my LS peeps first. Glad I did. Carry on

[forgetmenot75]

Please, move on, mtbiker. You are a great guy. The only thing you need right now, is to find a girl with whom you'll feel excited again. Then ,you couldn't care less about that stupid ring.

[mtnbiker3000]

EXCUSES

 

You want to contact her. you've spent the last few days initiating posts, remembering things, missing her.

 

You wanting that ring because of the $800 are only EXCUSES.

 

What you want is to connect with her again.

 

Thanks for the feedback, but I completely disagree!!! I absolutely DO NOT want to contact her. This is not an excuse!! I could give two sh*ts about $800. The ONLY reason I even thought of this was from some discussion on a previous thread that got me to thinking about un-resolved issues. I make posts all the time about remembering things (but NONE about missing her. NONE!!) I NEVER want to connect with her again.

 

Just so we're clear

[Mrlonelyone]

Yes, I think this is a lost cause. And I definitely do not want to break NC. I have made it my religion over the past 9 months and to break it, even for this, would be catastrophic. I agree if it were a family heirloom, that would be different, and it really wasn't too expensive either. My recover, healing, self-respect, etc is worth a lot more than $800. So I guess she gets to keep it. Damn, I should have gotten that sh*t back when I had the chance. I just don't want her to have it. Oh well, live and learn

 

And thanks for the prompt and thoughtful replies. Just needed to check with my LS peeps first. Glad I did. Carry on

 

 

MTN biker. I identify strongly with women about most things. I live in my life a gender role that is neither here nor there. The reason I say the above is to establish that what I will say to you next, does not come from a place of hating women. Far from it.

 

 

 

 

Everyone telling you to let her keep the ring is, as far as I can tell telling you what they would want to have happen. They get to keep a shiny piece of jewlery that they can show their friends and have to show that yes, once, they were engaged.

 

 

Nut cup wearer, to nut cup wearer, jock to jock, let me tell it to you straight.

 

 

Don't send her a nice note. Send her greetings from the court of your jurisdiction and a formal summons and complaint. SUE HER FOR YOUR RING.

 

 

There is established case law in the United States of America, at least, that says an engagement ring is not a gift, but an offering for sealing a contract. If that contract is broken you can demand that ring back. In court it might not even involve actual litigation and you could handle it through small claims court.

 

 

Sue her. That will get your self respect back.

 

 

See here http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/returning-engagement-ring-30198.html

Edited December 7, 2013 by Mrlonelyone

[mtnbiker3000]

Sue her. That will get your self respect back.

 

I appreciate your advice. I really do. But I don't think suing would do anything for me. I am confident that if I simply asked, and she still has it, she would return it. But, I truly feel that continued NC and recovery is the best course of action.

[LostConfused123]

MTN biker. I identify strongly with women about most things. I live in my life a gender role that is neither here nor there. The reason I say the above is to establish that what I will say to you next, does not come from a place of hating women. Far from it.

 

 

 

 

Everyone telling you to let her keep the ring is, as far as I can tell telling you what they would want to have happen. They get to keep a shiny piece of jewlery that they can show their friends and have to show that yes, once, they were engaged.

 

 

Nut cup wearer, to nut cup wearer, jock to jock, let me tell it to you straight.

 

 

Don't send her a nice note. Send her greetings from the court of your jurisdiction and a formal summons and complaint. SUE HER FOR YOUR RING.

 

 

There is established case law in the United States of America, at least, that says an engagement ring is not a gift, but an offering for sealing a contract. If that contract is broken you can demand that ring back. In court it might not even involve actual litigation and you could handle it through small claims court.

 

 

Sue her. That will get your self respect back.

 

 

See here Returning an Engagement Ring | Nolo.com

I gave a ring back after a man beat the ***** out of me. I never ever wanted a "shiny piece of jewelry to keep"

And I probably had every right to keep it.

 

I don't want Mtnbiker to get hurt! Has nothing to do with her!!!

[Simon Phoenix]

The fact that she hasn't returned it voluntarily speaks volumes about her character.

[mtnbiker3000]

The fact that she hasn't returned it voluntarily speaks volumes about her character.

 

Agreed. I'm wondering if she wanted to keep it just to throw it away or pawn it?? That would be pretty F'd up and quite spiteful of her and not at all who I thought she was

 

And pawning it would bring sh*t anyway. Just the value of the gold. Probably $100 or less, and she's not poor.

[lollipopspot]

You told her she could keep it so she did. Without knowing more information, I don't see anything wrong that she did that.

 

Even if you had it made for $800, the actual resale value is vastly lower than that. It may just be worth the cost of the metal and stone and not much else.

 

Let this one go, especially since you say the monetary value isn't important to you. I'm not sure why this can't be a resolved issue for you? What would getting it back resolve?

[LostConfused123]

Agreed. I'm wondering if she wanted to keep it just to throw it away or pawn it?? That would be pretty F'd up and quite spiteful of her and not at all who I thought she was

 

And pawning it would bring sh*t anyway. Just the value of the gold. Probably $100 or less, and she's not poor.

This is just me but I have always returned every piece of jewelry I was given simply because I felt they were "tainted" in some way. Jewelry from a man to me is very personal. I also felt it would disrespect the next man I was with in some way. . . like if he said " nice earrings". . . . "Oh thanks, my ex gave them to me" I don't know, to me that seems ****ty. . but like I said, to me it's personal because it's connected to intimate feelings.

 

On the other hand some women are not near as sentimental as I am and it could simply be to her "just jewelry" and nothing more. . . maybe she wanted something to remember how much she loved you. . . . maybe she's just a jewelry wh0're . . . I don't think you'll ever know.

 

But it doesn't matter because you are getting better and better every day without her!!!

[mtnbiker3000]

Yeah, I even asked her about how the next guy she was with would think about her keeping an engagement ring from me??? Very confusing. But you're right, I will never really know. And more importantly... who cares??

[LostConfused123]

Yeah, I even asked her about how the next guy she was with would think about her keeping an engagement ring from me??? Very confusing. But you're right, I will never really know. And more importantly... who cares??

That's the attitude!

[Mrlonelyone]

I appreciate your advice. I really do. But I don't think suing would do anything for me. I am confident that if I simply asked, and she still has it, she would return it. But, I truly feel that continued NC and recovery is the best course of action.

 

 

 

Then ask her for it. Ask her and see if she gives it back. If not, have your papers ready to file. She may just be the type to sell or pawn it or throw it away so you can't get it back.

 

 

Don't think of her as the wonderful woman you were going to marry.

 

 

You care.

[mtnbiker3000]

You told her she could keep it so she did. Without knowing more information, I don't see anything wrong that she did that.

 

Even if you had it made for $800, the actual resale value is vastly lower than that. It may just be worth the cost of the metal and stone and not much else.

 

Let this one go, especially since you say the monetary value isn't important to you. I'm not sure why this can't be a resolved issue for you? What would getting it back resolve?

 

Well, I really only told her to keep it because she was crying and it made me feel bad. It seems like and un-resolved issue as it's something she should not have. Like somehow it's a final F You from her. Like she wins and I lose. Getting it back would turn those tables. But in reality, I don't really care and I am going to leave it alone and continue NC. I really never want to to talk to her ever again. So she can suck on that!!!

 

If she got rid of it, than F her. If she kept it, then think of me and what you threw away whenever you see it!!!

[BC1980]

If it were a 10K ring, I would say get it back. Otherwise, I don't think it's worth the emotional trauma of breaking NC. I don't understand why she would want to keep it; that is truly beyond me, and I have never kept any jewelry given to me by a man. I even gave back a 50.00 ring my ex gave me.

 

My ex actually offered to sell my engagement ring back and give me the money he got from it. At first, I said no because it seemed like tainted money. Looking back, I should have taken the money and gotten the hell out of there a lot quicker than I did To be honest, it hurt me deeply when he said he would sell the ring back and give me the money. It was almost as if he pitied me, and I just felt that his pity was the last thing I wanted.

[mtnbiker3000]

I don't understand why she would want to keep it; that is truly beyond me,

 

This is probably the root of my thoughts on it too. I bet she doesn't even have it any longer. Why on earth would she? I bet she threw it away or threw it in the ocean or some stupid sh*t...

[BC1980]

Well, I really only told her to keep it because she was crying and it made me feel bad. It seems like and un-resolved issue as it's something she should not have. Like somehow it's a final F You from her. Like she wins and I lose. Getting it back would turn those tables. But in reality, I don't really care and I am going to leave it alone and continue NC. I really never want to to talk to her ever again. So she can suck on that!!!

 

If she got rid of it, than F her. If she kept it, then think of me and what you threw away whenever you see it!!!

 

I know it's difficult now that you are out of your emotional haze and able to think clearly. You have regrets, but you did what you could do at the time. I wish I had taken the money my ex offered me, but, at this point, my pride would never allow me to break NC and ask for the money. That would be awful.