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Im new to this......Here is my story Hope some1 can help.........My b/f of almost 3yrs broke up with me........We met at work. We started to talk and joke around he asked me for my # (he is much younger then me Im 37 & hes 25) but was very mature for his age so, we started dating......He lived a 1/2hr away from me and was attending comp school close to me so i suggested (after bein together for 2 months) that he move in with me so he wouldnt have to commute to work then school........Things were great in the beginning....I fell in love with him and he was my best friend.. He left our job and found another job in a different field...so he continued to live with me........He said that i was his soul mate.....i felt the same way too.. We did everything together....Although we did have little arguments here and there we always made up.........Except for 1 time when we were arguing about something and he decided to move out.. He left for 1 day , but came back the next ..we had worked our differences out...

 

 

We had talked about getting married 1 day. I wasnt rushing to get married any time soon(I was married once before and i have an 18yr old daughter) we talked briefly about havin kids together at 1 point...... So as time went on i thought things with us were great until 3 weeks ago when i was at work my daughter called me to tell me my b/f was moving out.......I was in shock i asked to speak with him but he didnt want to talk to me........after i got out of work he called me sayin that he wasnt happy and hadnt been for a yr and that we fought all the time....WTH??? he thought that this would be better if we broke up.......I asked him why all he could say was "i dont know" but he said he loved me.....I dont understand how someone can just get up and leave after 3yrs????? I dont believe that he left me for someone else although i cannot be sure of this......Well after 3 days of crying no sleep not eating he called me and asked me what i was doing on the weekend he wanted to go to dinner to which i said ok..... He also said even though we dont live together anymore doesnt mean that we cant be together......Well when the weekend came i talked to him on IM and told him that i could not go..I wasnt feeling well....He said ok.....

 

I just dont understand this he also said to me" If you love someone and u set them free if they come back to u then its meant to be".......I havent talked to him on the phone in 2 weeks but i did text him just to see how he was which he replied that he was ok and that he was busy and ttyl......that was the last i heard from him......Sorry for the long story but i just dont understand this he doenst call or text me he acts like i dont even exsist it makes me thinkm that he never even loved me.........he was the love of my life, my best friend Im soooo hurt

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I know that because of the fact that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, makes it seem like 3 years have gone down the drain. But this isn't true at all. You guys were together for 3 years... this is a long time, and this is something that both of you will never forget.

 

However, for whatever reason, this guy thinks that he isn't ready to settle down for good yet. He is still 25, and I suppose that is a pretty young age. I'm not trying to justify what he's done... but 25 is still a pretty young age for getting married.

 

I think the path to take now is to start healing. You can't keep talking to him in hopes of getting back together, because he's a different guy now. At some point, he decided that he wanted to move on, and so you've got to come to this decision as well. It's going to take some time, but you need to act as if he's gone. It's tough, because you have to act as if he's passed away... and this is similar to what happens when you break up with someone. Someone that you are used to seeing every day is now gone from your life in an instant. But trust me, if you smile, move on, and leave him wondering... then it will be a lot easier than continuing to contact him, hearing about what he's doing without you, wondering if he'll ever give you another chance. Like I said, he's a different guy now, so you have to think accordingly.

 

The change is the hardest part to get over... but you have to start doing things for yourself now. Stop making contact with him, it was his decision, and you don't owe him anything -- an explanation, or a reason to stop talking to him. He said you have to "let him go, and if it's meant to be," but he's saying this because he doesn't want to be tied down. So think about number one now, yourself. You did plenty of things to make yourself happy before you met him... start doing those things again.

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I'm somewhat in the same boat as your are Sweet P . My ex is 39 and I'm 30. We dated only for 8 months but it feels like we've known each other for a very long time. We hit it off right from the beginning and never looked back. The reason why she broke up with me was our age difference. She felt that mentally and physcally she was getting older. It wasn't like she was dissing me but rather our goals in life were just too different.

 

Anyway I know the pain you are feeling right now. I feel like she doesn't miss at all also and that hurts me soooooooo much. For me, I've been hanging around my friends, going to the gym, or just plain getting outside and breath a little just to get my mind of my ex. I really loved her very much but after two weeks of not hearing from her I guess she didn't love me as much as I did. Remember that actions speak louder than words and him not contacting you is his way of saying to move on. It really sucks but thass the way the world turns. Be strong, stay positive. Who knows? He might come crying back after he realizes what he lost cause to me I think he lucked out big time by leaving you . I only wish my ex would feel the same?

 

Bai Bai

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ThisGirlNameKD

It sounds like he wasn't ready to settle down, but he was afraid to tell you. Although he may have seemed mature, and carried himself well, there were still some things he may not have been emotionally ready for.

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thanx for the advice Blah.......) AMD looks like we r in the same boat definately... i miss my ex soo much 2 But 2 me the age thing is just an excuse i think....U r supposed 2 love someone for who they r... age is nuthin but a number.... although the age diff isnt as big as mine.....there is a 13yr diff with me... lolol.....I dont understand how he could have been afraid of marriage? He gave a promise ring when we were together the first 6 months.......I told him i wasnt rushing into anything.... Oh well , Hopefully he will wake up........But im not gonna wait around for him either.....I guess ill just move on....Y wait for some1 that doesnt want me.....( He probably has some1 else by now n e ways.............

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Age wasn't a big factor in the beginning for us but eventually it became a real problem. I sometimes think it was a cop out for her to say it was the problem, but who knows? I will never know or understand her reasons for leaving me. I guess love wasn't enough for her to stay with me. Nowadays, it takes more than just love to keep a happy relationship going strong. You have the right mindset right now. Move on just like how I am! Don't dwell too much on him cause he really doesn't deserve anymore thought from you. Like I said early in my posting, be strong, stay positive and the best is yet to come!! Bai Bai!

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ya AMD i hear ya....... the whole age thing is such a lame excuse i think.....u stay strong 2!!!!!!!! im just waitin for the best 2 come.....lolololol.......better hurry up soon lol i hate bein alone (

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we should get together Sweet P! We both understand each other very well LOL!! Forget them both!! They don't deserve our love and undivided attention. The day will come when the will realize what they both lost!!! For me, it has been a real struggle these past couple of weeks but I have gotten better as days go by. There will always be ups and downs for you, I and everyone in this situation but remember who will have the last laugh?? Our ex's? I think not!! Give it some time and don't rush into anything. Let the real love of your life come to you. Don't go looking cause sometimes it's right under our noses and we don't even know it!! Stay positive and strong!!

 

PEACE!!

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It had to have been age!! I am 23 and my ex was 28, and even though age wasn't at all the reason we broke up, it was always an issue that we kind of butted heads with. And we were only 5 years apart... not 12. 25 is still young, and I'm sure he wants to see what else is out there. don't take it personally, sometimes no matter how much you love someone the obstacles are sometimes too great to overcome. I would suggest moving on, and look at the bright side and find solace in the fact that you know you couldn't have done anything differently. You can't change your age.

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true dub..but......if he wanted 2 see what was out there y did he stay with me for 3yrs? y string me along??? there were no red flags no nuthin just up and left me.............. he didnt even try to talk to me like a man would do...........WTH

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He was probably in love and didn't think he was stringing you along, until one day he probably realized that it was getting too serious, and he was still very young... I mean you guys stared dating when he was 22. If he went to college, then that means he really never experienced single life in the "real world." That could definetly get some guys thinking about what else is out there. As far as getting up and leaving... He probably knew what he wanted, but if he sat around to speak to you about it, he may have felt that you would convince him to stay, knowing full well in his mind he needed to leave.

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I agree with you Dub.

 

He probably made up his mind and could in fact be swayed so the easiest medicine for him to move on is to not to have contact with you.

 

that is in fact what i think occurred in my situation. my ex bf 3 weeks ago out of the blue said he didn't want to be in a serious relationship anymore we spoke for 5 hours and he said that I said a lof of things that surprised him and we ended up getting back together and decided that we wanted to make it work. the next day he called and said he doesn't want to do this anymore and if he was to- he would be lying to himself and to me.

 

he has discouraged contact bc he said that he is not ready to reconsider and speaking is NOT helpful at this point. My assesment is that he does not want to speak to me or hear from me bc he doesn't want to be convinced into doing something that he does not want to do.

 

HOWEVER- I did speak to him last Sunday and I said are you sure you are making the right decision and he said that he likes to think that when he makes decisions they are good decisions. GO FIGURE!

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honestly, you didn't think this guy was serious. DID YOU? People should only date people within 3 years of each other, 5 years max if the other person is $$$. you were his sugar mommy.

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I agree with Blah Toolz:

 

25 for a guy is young!! Even though he may have "seemed" mature, I think maybe he started thinking 'this is it for the rest of my life..........."

Not that you're a bad person, by that I just mean from the guys I know, when they think marriage and all that stuff they tend to 'freak...'

 

I know. The guy I was with for 7! years left me once "marriage" started creeping around the corner--and he was 36!!! I'd imagine that's why your boyfriend did what he did. I think he realized how serious things were getting and he wasn't ready for it.

 

I don't know..........just my thoughts.........

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