Almost 3 months post BU and starting to miss her badly

[aaron11892]

When I hit the 2 month mark, I was kinda feeling over her. I had an empty feeling in my stomach, still upset obviously but nowhere near to the extent at the start of the break up.

 

I kinda was getting over it and was starting to have more days where I was feeling good about life, still thinking of her of course but the thoughts becoming less frequent.

 

Anyway this last week shes been on my mind more than usual and now it's beginning to affect how I'm feeling like it did before. I don't know I just am at a point trying to accept it's over but also really missing what we had.

 

Is this normal at 3 months post BU? If so, why?

[Simon Phoenix]

Completely normal, because it's really set in that they are gone and not coming back. NC starts off with you really being shocked and devastated by the break, then it turns into prideful "I don't need them", then goes to "oh sh*t, I really do miss them" then turns into more honest "I don't need them". You are at the "oh sh*t!" stage, which happens around 3 months, give or take a month. If you ride it out it will pass.

[cavalier99]

Yup. Seems normal. Points at months 3 and 4 can be hell. This is the time that a lot of early on coping mechanisms dont seem to work as well. The reality of the BU really sets in. I mean before you knew it was over. But now you KNOW it is over forever.

 

The focus begins to shift from them to you and you are left feeling very alone and sorta depressed. The some what competative mad rush at self improvement dies down and you need to figure out how to really stand on your own 2 feet again without support of the EX. They are still very present in the 1st months post BU even if you are NC. Now you miss what you had even more.

 

Anyway. This is progress and a very necessary stage to go thru. Keep moving forward. Rock on! Cav

[BC1980]

I hit a wall around month 2 that lasted a month or so. The reality set in, and I broke NC in an attempt to gauge where he was. It was a pretty awful conversation, but it has allowed me to fully accept this loss. I'm still working on my grief, but it's gotten a lot better after getting through that painful realization that is really and truly is over.

 

It's normal, and it sucks. However, you just have to get through it any way you can.

[Natasha94]

It's totally normal. It's like a journey to recovery.. and on the path we sure are going to stumble, and sometimes we might fall.. but no matter what we should see the bigger picture and what we are really aiming for.. which is being okay with the bu and with ourselves without feeling left alone. So just believe you can do so and don't beat yourself up for having some feelings coming back to surface, we're human, we're allowed to feel to love and hurt. And once we accrpt that.. it gets easier. Just keep faith, you're stronger than you think.

[Kermit76]

Wow this thread put a smile to my face. I am at the 3 month mark. And broke NC last Wed. Doing better today but my text conversation with my ex was a wake up call. Never again. NC 100% from now on.

 

Me - how are things?

Her - working on myself. Hope u are too. (text came 5 hrs later).

Me - how is work (i texted back in 10 min.. Don't care about time frame of response)

Her - going well. My self improving is helping. (3 hrs later)

Me - u have stuff of mine. I have stuff of yours. If u want it back.

Her - ok. Thanks

Me - knew u had that cd of mine.

Her - this is too soon for me. Maybe in the future.

Me - what u mean? No problem.

Her - have a good holiday. Be well.

Me - u too. Any plans?

 

No response. Ignored question. Never asked a single question about me... How i was doing.

[bobby326]

Yeah I am almost exactly at the 3 month mark, tomorrow will be exactly 3 months since d day. I am also having similar feelings, the only thing that has helped me is avoiding ALL info about her, not checking FB, blocking her on FB, blocking close friends that post pics up and unsubscribing to all her family members and not checking their profiles. Also not asking anyone about her and making sure they know that I don't want to know ANYTHING about her. Keep going man, stay NC, I am right there with you.

[aaron11892]

Wow this thread put a smile to my face. I am at the 3 month mark. And broke NC last Wed. Doing better today but my text conversation with my ex was a wake up call. Never again. NC 100% from now on.

 

Me - how are things?

Her - working on myself. Hope u are too. (text came 5 hrs later).

Me - how is work (i texted back in 10 min.. Don't care about time frame of response)

Her - going well. My self improving is helping. (3 hrs later)

Me - u have stuff of mine. I have stuff of yours. If u want it back.

Her - ok. Thanks

Me - knew u had that cd of mine.

Her - this is too soon for me. Maybe in the future.

Me - what u mean? No problem.

Her - have a good holiday. Be well.

Me - u too. Any plans?

 

No response. Ignored question. Never asked a single question about me... How i was doing.

 

Ouch! I don't really have the urge to contact my ex. The last time we spoke was a week after the break up. I asked how she was and she said she has never been better. That's probably the relief she felt after ending it because it was probably on her mind weeks before she pulled the trigger. The she said she didn't wanna speak to me. So that really annoyed me and made myself realize that I don't want to contact someone like that again.

 

The only way I can contact her now is through her sister on FB. My ex blocked me so that's actually a good thing. The worst thing is that I have a mutual friend on instagram who has just started to follow my ex, she must have made an account because she never had one whilst she was with me. It's torture because you can't block people on there so that you can't see them. Blocking them just allows them to not find you on there. It's crap

 

All I can do now is force myself to not go on her profile. Just when I thought I was getting over her, she jumps back into my life like that.

 

I need to get over her. Since the break up she has not made a single attempt to contact, directly or indirectly through a mutual friend. So I have to accept it is well and truly over and move on. She doesn't want me in her life, why should I want to be in hers. I'm done

[aaron11892]

Yeah I am almost exactly at the 3 month mark, tomorrow will be exactly 3 months since d day. I am also having similar feelings, the only thing that has helped me is avoiding ALL info about her, not checking FB, blocking her on FB, blocking close friends that post pics up and unsubscribing to all her family members and not checking their profiles. Also not asking anyone about her and making sure they know that I don't want to know ANYTHING about her. Keep going man, stay NC, I am right there with you.

 

That's what I did. Blocked off all social media, she actually blocked me off facebook which i am actually thankful for so I can't go stalking her profile and it has helped me in my recovery. I even gave all of her stuff back she had got me.

 

For my birthday, a month before the break up, she bought me a bracelet which had a tag on it saying '08/03/13 I Love You x' which was the day we got together

 

It broke my heart knowing a month later it was all over. I had to give it back to her because it hurt seeing it and knowing the message didn't mean anything to her anymore.

[todreaminblue]

one thing i didnt do was contact my ex at all fro six months he ended up contacting me.....still havent touched or sighted him its been six and half plus years./.....i dont need to sight him we are phone friends .....

 

 

i am not really good with rejection and i know it it can spiral me somewhere really bad so i dont do it....i dont contact.,.....ive never really rejected anyone who has recontacted me never will...i dont really have it happen a lot where i cant contact someone i care about......i am blessed that way i guess...i havent had to deal with it...i am now.....and i dont like it....but i wont contact .....i just cant...i send my prayers from afar and hope they are going ok........deb

[xUnknown]

I hit a wall around month 2 that lasted a month or so. The reality set in, and I broke NC in an attempt to gauge where he was. It was a pretty awful conversation, but it has allowed me to fully accept this loss. I'm still working on my grief, but it's gotten a lot better after getting through that painful realization that is really and truly is over.

 

It's normal, and it sucks. However, you just have to get through it any way you can.

 

I was the same way, about 7 weeks into the BU I too hit a wall...lasted 3.5 weeks or so. Now I'm a week and a half past that wall and doing much better. I still have the urge to break NC and contact her. We broke up amicably so I think things are setting in for her as well. Don't ask how, but I know.