Is there no way back?

[supportwanted]

Hello guys, this could be a long one, but appreciate the help.

 

I met this girl a few months ago, we got on like a house on fire, texting constantly, laughing, sharing the same interests and being amazing together. We started a relationship and we had so much fun together, i honestly thought i had found the one.

 

We declared our love for eachother, she told me firs and i soon followed, everything was perfect in that regard. She told me she wanted to marry me and have kids in the future, that she could never hurt me. We both had insecurities, but admittedly mine are a lot more than hers. I had been cheated on by another ex years ago, and this was my first committed girlfriend since then. This girl was good about that, being patient, and understanding until recently.

 

Rows started about a month ago, small ones mostly brought on on nights ourt together, mostly my fault to be honest, creating scenarios that don't exist. 2 weekends ago, a massive row started, she wouldn't talk to me the following day, and then hit me a text saying it wouldn't work out, i broke my word and i'm not ready for a relationship. I pleaded and begged for a chance, the following day she allowed me to send a E-Mail with all of my true feelings in it, showing how much i care and how much i love her. She told me she needed until the end of the day to think things through, she loved me. Basically the next day i was told to ring her the following day and she'd text to let me know when i could ring...she never text, i asked when could i ring her, nothing...!

 

She's been out on the town, she's been on facebook, she's been acting as though me and her never happened. So on the weekend, i mailed her friend, saying i didn't want to get them involved but this was killing me and didn't know what to do. Her friend told me she didn't know what to say, nothing she could say or do would make my ex feel any different. Then that same girl told my friend at work i should just get the hint, my ex isn't going to come back to me...

 

I text my ex a few days ago, just said if there was a chance could we talk, that i would accept the decision and if this was it then thank you for the best times of my life. No reply. I had said to her in my big message that please delete me and block me from facebook as i wouldn't deal with it very well. She hasn't done that though. I have posted a few things on facebook, nothing to do with her, just to try and make my feed look a bit better, as along the side, every pic i have on show has her in it. Will this make her think oh look he didn't mean what he said in the message? Or will she see through it and know i'm hurting?

 

I pleaded and begged, ya, i made a fool of myself, but that's what you do i guess. I desperately wan't her back, but i'm not sure and don't think it will ever happen. We live in a small town, we are bound to see each other on nights out, her friends know mine, how will i cope seeing her kiss somebody else? Looking great and showing the world she is fine? How do i show her i meant what i said? That i have changed? I can't without being given that chance though can i...

 

Every day, i think about her 24/7. checking her facebook etc. Surely if you loved somebody, you wouldn't just use no contact on them completely and never say sorry for how you did it? Knowing you will see them, knowing how much they love you? Maybe i scared her with my commitment, i am a very loyal person, maybe that's gone against me. I just don't see a way back from this, it hurts more than anything.

 

Thanks

[Philosoraptor]

Honeymoon period ended and you guys were not compatible which is why such little things broke you.

 

You're obsessed with her and you need to stop checking up on her and trying to contact her as it's doing nothing but bringing you pain. She has made it crystal clear that she wants nothing to do with you. Now you need to find a way to let her go and move on with your own life, as she's already moved on with hers.

[Shaine]

Try to accept what happened. It's hard yes, but that's the only thing you can do. Begging her will just push her away and annoy her. Stop contacting her for the meantime and focus on yourself.

 

Cry, grieve, be sad, but while doing that you should start telling yourself you have to accept this. She wont take you back if your an emotional wreck. You should make her see that you are mature enough to accept her decision. If ahe wants you back, you can try again. Just try and be happy being single.

[theonlyjuan]

You have to accept that it is over, it's a harsh fact. Tell yourself everyday and it will sink in.

 

Delete her off FB! In fact, delete everything of her.

 

Accept it is over and go NC, it's for your own good. If she want's you back she will make the effort, by then you will probably feel different.

 

She may one day realise she made a mistake, it might be too late by then but you have to move on now.

 

Trust me, 5 months ago I felt like you and now I have done a complete 180 and feel different about my ex and everything

[d0nnivain]

When you have "rows" in the begining, that's bad. It means there is something fundamentally wrong. The cycle of fights & reconcilliations is not healthy. The relationship has problems if that is where you are already. Since you have already broken up, stay that way.

[LadyM]

Unfortunately, she has clearly already moved on. I know this is the most painful feeling ever and pretty much unbearable, but it really is best to go NC. If she decides she'd like to try again with you, she knows how to get in touch with you.

 

And if possible, don't check her FB page. That's easier said than done, but each time you glance at her page, you will bring on additional pain which is the last thing you need.

 

We have all been where you are and I can promise you, that in time, the pain won't feel so intense and you will feel better. Take one day at a time...

[ks0985]

Fall off the grid. Do not make contact with her ever again. It's easy to say this and much harder to do this. If you do this you will get the answer your looking for. She will either contact you or she won't contact you. I would not respond to anything she does unless she tells you she wants to try work things out, and well if she does not contact you at least you know that her friend is in fact telling you the truth that she wants you to **** off.

[supportwanted]

I know the chances are it's over for good. She told me so much though, how much she loved me, how if i ever broke up with her she'd run after me, she can't wait for our future together and having a family etc.

 

I'm a funny guy, i'm genuinely nice, i made her laugh so much. I would imagine at some stage she will miss that, despite the clear indications she's giving off that she seems perfectly fine without me.

 

I'm going no contact altogether, since Sunday i haven't text her or tried to talk to her at all. But since then I have posted other stuff on facebook so i'm sure she has seen it, posted snapchats that i know she has viewed (it's a story, it goes to everyone and u see who viewed it). I'm going nothing, not posting on facebook (well i wont, somebody else might post on my page), no snapchats, nothing. It's for my own good and gives her time to actually not have me in her life and possibly miss me.

 

I'm not getting my hopes up. But in all honesty, it will be a shame in the future if we will never actually talk again. We are bound to see each other like i said.

 

Just wondering, relationship status' on facebook, i should change it from in a relationship...to nothing, but i would do it discreetly, is it too soon? Should i give it another few days? It wouldn't pop up on any news feed, but if she viewed my profile she would know.

[Zahara]

Just wondering, relationship status' on facebook, i should change it from in a relationship...to nothing, but i would do it discreetly, is it too soon? Should i give it another few days? It wouldn't pop up on any news feed, but if she viewed my profile she would know.

 

In real life, are you in a relationship? NO. That means on FB you are single too. It's just a social site.

 

She ended in with you. Why are you still worrying about what she thinks? Block her and stop fretting over silly FB.

[alittledesperate]

'You're so fortunate to be at University as wherever you look, there are women all over the place, women who would feel lucky to be with you.'

 

Awww...LadyM! Thank youuuu. *hugs* Now, I'll keep this in mind!!!

[alittledesperate]

Well, I just joined the website. I decided not to open another thread when I saw an active wanting-back-ex thread But seems someone deleted my posts and LadyM's responses. Now, that's quite awful. LadyM's responses to me could have also helped someone else. I think that is the point of this website.

[Minneloa]

Well, I just joined the website. I decided not to open another thread when I saw an active wanting-back-ex thread But seems someone deleted my posts and LadyM's responses. Now, that's quite awful. LadyM's responses to me could have also helped someone else. I think that is the point of this website.

 

Not deleted; the moderators made you your own thread.

[Eddie007]

I know the chances are it's over for good. She told me so much though, how much she loved me, how if i ever broke up with her she'd run after me, she can't wait for our future together and having a family etc.

 

I'm a funny guy, i'm genuinely nice, i made her laugh so much. I would imagine at some stage she will miss that, despite the clear indications she's giving off that she seems perfectly fine without me.

 

I'm going no contact altogether, since Sunday i haven't text her or tried to talk to her at all. But since then I have posted other stuff on facebook so i'm sure she has seen it, posted snapchats that i know she has viewed (it's a story, it goes to everyone and u see who viewed it). I'm going nothing, not posting on facebook (well i wont, somebody else might post on my page), no snapchats, nothing. It's for my own good and gives her time to actually not have me in her life and possibly miss me.

 

I'm not getting my hopes up. But in all honesty, it will be a shame in the future if we will never actually talk again. We are bound to see each other like i said.

 

Just wondering, relationship status' on facebook, i should change it from in a relationship...to nothing, but i would do it discreetly, is it too soon? Should i give it another few days? It wouldn't pop up on any news feed, but if she viewed my profile she would know.

 

My ex fiance of 4+ years told me the same things. We had made wedding plans, picked names for our kids etc.... She even told me if we ever split up she would never date again and just die alone. I always kept her laughing and we hardly ever fought.

 

She dumped me over 3 months ago saying she was no longer happy. She gave no other reasons. I packed my stuff and left. No begging no crying no pleading.

 

We have not seen or spoken a word to each other since that day.

 

As for Facebook. As soon as I got my stuff out of the house that day the first thing i did was change my status. 2 days later I deactivated my account. I have since re-activated it but have not gone to her profile at all. I dont want to see what shes up to.

 

I thought she was the love of my life. We seemed so perfect together, but i knew from past experiences there was nothing i could say or do to change her mind. Thats exactly what I said a did..... nothing!

[Chi townD]

Move!

 

That's why I hate small towns. Everyone knows everyone else's business. Plus, what's there to do in a small town? Absolutely nothing. So, if there's nothing to do, then the next fun thing you can do is hook up with each other.

 

Dude, it's only a matter of time before she's with someone else and you're gonna get to hear all about it. Because, in a small town, if you're not hooking up then you're gossiping.

 

Dude, move. Big world out there! Go see it.

[supportwanted]

I'm still going with the no contact, obviously she hasn't contacted me. I have no choice, my mind won't let me think about anything else. I have to get her back in my life in some capacity.

 

I am still going to keep no contact, because i feel that she must at some point wan't to talk to me, even to say sorry for how she ended it. We got on so well, so funny and made each other laugh so much. It's just such a massive shame that we are out of eachothers lives right now.

 

We didn't break up over the honeymoon period being over, we broke because of my lack of ability to relax into a relationship where she told me exactly what she wanted and i still wouldn't believe it. I'm actually talking to somebody about my trust issues now and getting that sorted.

 

I'm sure at some point there will be contact. Once that starts, how would you go about showing her that i will have changed? Tell her she was right that i wasn't ready for a relationship? Tell her i talked to somebody about it all? I'm not sure.

[Phantomu]

The best thing you can do right now is keep the no contact. You will start to feel better in time. I find that focusing on yourself and the activities you like will help you to get your mind off of her. Hang out with your friends, don't show her that you are sitting around waiting for her as this will only be unattractive. Build your confidence again and stay off her facebook page. It will only hurt you more if you see pictures of her having a good time without you. Have a good time for YOURSELF, laugh with friends. Enjoy the things you did before she came around.

[supportwanted]

Finding it very hard not to break contact here. In the last couple of days i have "liked" a couple of posts she has had on facebook (one was about her sister, the other about her little boy....if i didn't like them i would imagine i'd look like a dick).

 

I so wan't to break no contact and just see if she is willing to at least let me in in some capacity. We're going to bump into each other eventually. One of my mates is her next door neighbor for god sake.

 

It's probably not a good idea, but i was thinking of sending her a message just saying i hope we can still hang out and at least be civil to each other. But when i think about it, it just looks like i'm trying to get her back (i am in a way). Just worried she is afraid to like anything i do on facebook or talk to me in any way because of her she ended it. She probably thinks i hate her..

 

It's not getting any easier.

[Zahara]

It's not getting any easier.

 

Who said NC was easy? It's going to get worse before it gets any better. Did you think in a few days it would get better. Nope. It's like detoxing from an addiction.

 

Stop finding excuses to contact her. She ended it with you. That's all you need to stay focused on. Not FB. If she hates you. If she likes your posts. If you bump into her. Nothing. It has ended. Treat it as a break-up.

[fixing]

Finding it very hard not to break contact here. In the last couple of days i have "liked" a couple of posts she has had on facebook (one was about her sister, the other about her little boy....if i didn't like them i would imagine i'd look like a dick).

 

I so wan't to break no contact and just see if she is willing to at least let me in in some capacity. We're going to bump into each other eventually. One of my mates is her next door neighbor for god sake.

 

It's probably not a good idea, but i was thinking of sending her a message just saying i hope we can still hang out and at least be civil to each other. But when i think about it, it just looks like i'm trying to get her back (i am in a way). Just worried she is afraid to like anything i do on facebook or talk to me in any way because of her she ended it. She probably thinks i hate her..

 

It's not getting any easier.

 

Hi sir. DONT SEND ANY MESSAGES TO HER. Please block her on facebook and remove all pictures of her, you can save them to your desktop if you want. But facebook can be used as a cruel tool for emotional torment. If you text her, you will be the laughing stock amongst her inner circles. I am sickened about the best friends remark 'god, cant he just take a hint'

 

That should be enough for you to completely disappear from her life. BTW, you still being a 'friend' on her facebook page makes you look, pathetic, clingy and weak. Im not trying to hurt you by saying that, but your boosting her ego by deliberately staying connected.

 

NO CONTACT IS HARD. But save some face. Instead of being the punchline to their snidy jokes about you not taking a hint, piss her right off by completely cutting her off. That will get under her skin for sure.

 

Post here instead of messaging her.

[supportwanted]

Hi sir. DONT SEND ANY MESSAGES TO HER. Please block her on facebook and remove all pictures of her, you can save them to your desktop if you want. But facebook can be used as a cruel tool for emotional torment. If you text her, you will be the laughing stock amongst her inner circles. I am sickened about the best friends remark 'god, cant he just take a hint'

 

That should be enough for you to completely disappear from her life. BTW, you still being a 'friend' on her facebook page makes you look, pathetic, clingy and weak. Im not trying to hurt you by saying that, but your boosting her ego by deliberately staying connected.

 

NO CONTACT IS HARD. But save some face. Instead of being the punchline to their snidy jokes about you not taking a hint, piss her right off by completely cutting her off. That will get under her skin for sure.

 

Post here instead of messaging her.

 

 

I know your right. Hi too btw, your from Ireland....sounds weird but you know the craic lol.

 

I need to stop doing things to look good to her, or to just get me through another day. I'm better than this. I just struggle with it all. I'd do anything to get her back. The fact her sister, friends etc still send snapchats to me etc probably doesn't help. But as you know, small town in rural Irealnd. Almost impossible to get away from this sort of thing.

 

I understand her views (well, what i think her view is). She has been hurt before, and i have said before that things would be different. But to just cut me off, out of her life completely is something that just doesn't feel right.

 

I'm not going to send her a message. But i'm not going to delete her from facebook, i'm going to just have to try and stop myself looking..

[supportwanted]

Lying in bed late last night. Anger started to run through me. I have been treated like absolute dog **** throughout this break up. To tell somebody you want to break up, then let them pour their heart out in a huge message, then tell them you will get back to them and just never do it is heartless.

 

It's the cowards way out, have some damn decency. Going around acting as though nothing has changed whatsoever, constantly posting on your facebook, constantly having a "laugh"...you said you loved me, you said it wouldn't be easy for you, it looks damn easy.I had insecurities, i made mistakes, but i loved you more than anything, and i was always there for you, and you apparently loved me.

 

Just completely blocking me from your life, as if i'm dead, that's the way people do things now? Seriously? The worst thing in all this is that i still love her, i'd still take her back, but she isn't coming back is she. She isn't feeling any pain whatsoever and doesn't even think about me i'm sure.

 

It's been...9 days since i last actually sent her a message, 14 days since i sent the huge message that she needed to think about and 12 days since i had any sort of contact from her whatsoever. Surely a time comes when she makes contact? I'm not using my facebook or snapchat or anything for a few days, i'm going to look as though i have fallen off the face of the earth. It's for my own good and plus, it'll bloody show her that i'm not always around.

 

Sorry, i needed to vent.

[devastated777]

I would stick with NC. Really. It is for the best and as more time passes, you will realize this. I am on day 25 of no contact. It sucks. I still want to break it but I do not. A book I read explained it this way: If the dumper knows that you are pining over them or missing them in the slightest way, it fuels them for months by feeding their egos. Silence makes their minds wonder what the heck is going on here?? that just makes me feel better.

 

If they want you, they will come to you. " You're (not you specifically) where you wanna be". Accepting it is sooo hard.

[fixing]

I told you, block her on facebook and all other apps. Or just delete her. social media is nothing but a platform for people to boost their own ego's and indirectly message others.

Stop looking into her life because its hurting you, and she wants that. makes her feel great to know that her 'Ex' is longing for her.

 

Be strong and go completely no contact

[nevergoodenough]

I'm still going with the no contact, obviously she hasn't contacted me. I have no choice, my mind won't let me think about anything else. I have to get her back in my life in some capacity.

 

I am still going to keep no contact, because i feel that she must at some point wan't to talk to me, even to say sorry for how she ended it. We got on so well, so funny and made each other laugh so much. It's just such a massive shame that we are out of eachothers lives right now.

 

We didn't break up over the honeymoon period being over, we broke because of my lack of ability to relax into a relationship where she told me exactly what she wanted and i still wouldn't believe it. I'm actually talking to somebody about my trust issues now and getting that sorted.

 

I'm sure at some point there will be contact. Once that starts, how would you go about showing her that i will have changed? Tell her she was right that i wasn't ready for a relationship? Tell her i talked to somebody about it all? I'm not sure.

 

You are pretty much in the same boat as me. I hope this girl speaks to you again, that way at least one of us can fix it.

[nevergoodenough]

Lying in bed late last night. Anger started to run through me. I have been treated like absolute dog **** throughout this break up. To tell somebody you want to break up, then let them pour their heart out in a huge message, then tell them you will get back to them and just never do it is heartless.

 

It's the cowards way out, have some damn decency. Going around acting as though nothing has changed whatsoever, constantly posting on your facebook, constantly having a "laugh"...you said you loved me, you said it wouldn't be easy for you, it looks damn easy.I had insecurities, i made mistakes, but i loved you more than anything, and i was always there for you, and you apparently loved me.

 

Just completely blocking me from your life, as if i'm dead, that's the way people do things now? Seriously? The worst thing in all this is that i still love her, i'd still take her back, but she isn't coming back is she. She isn't feeling any pain whatsoever and doesn't even think about me i'm sure.

 

It's been...9 days since i last actually sent her a message, 14 days since i sent the huge message that she needed to think about and 12 days since i had any sort of contact from her whatsoever. Surely a time comes when she makes contact? I'm not using my facebook or snapchat or anything for a few days, i'm going to look as though i have fallen off the face of the earth. It's for my own good and plus, it'll bloody show her that i'm not always around.

 

Sorry, i needed to vent.

 

This made me cry, that's exactly how I feel right now.