SMF Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Help.... My ex broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago and he has refused contact. We had a loving relationship, were speaking about engagement and future living plans. Then out of no where he snapped, became overwhelmed, troubled and felt pressure (inner pressure) with being the provider, his professional limbo, etc... I was always there as a support stone, however he decided that he didnt' want to be in the relationship anymore bc he needed time. I asked him how much time, a week, a month, 6 months and he replied- "I hope it doesn't take that long". That is such a strage comment to answer bc how does he know how long he will flip out for. Since the break up occured so suddenly with no warning signs, I waited a few days to let it settle and I called. He never called back so I wrote an email that was not nice/not mean and he said that he didn't feel that it was helpful to speak at this point and that he is not ready to reconsider. I NEVER ASKED HIM TO RECONSIDER. He just didn't want to speak anymore.... I then heard from his best friend that he too hasn't heard from my ex and that he has been dodging his best friends calls and not been very nice, somewhat rude when they did in fact speak. IS HE SHUTTING OUT THE WORLD??? HELP Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 When someone makes a major life decision they are afraid others won't approve of, they tend to avoid those others until the decision solidifies. Your ex is probably avoiding anyone who will question the break-up: you, friends, family members, anyone who has supported the relationship. He's trying to work through how he feels without outside influence. You're the last person he wants to talk to, because your presence alone makes him feel confused and guilty. You don't have to talk about the relationship for him to feel that. He doesn't want to feel pressured into staying with you -- not even the slightest pressure. Bottom line is: You can't force this. You don't want to be with a guy who is having such serious doubts about the relationship. Accept no contact and begin working on getting your life in order with the assumption that he's probably not coming back. If this goes on for more than a month, let him know that you aren't going to wait around while he decides whether you're worth it or not. Tell him you're getting on with your life, and if he ever decides he wants to be a part of that again, he can get back in touch. Then, you'll talk -- but it won't be a sure thing. Treat yourself with dignity and respect through this. He's not the only one with the power to choose. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMF Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 Thank you, I agree with you and it is nice to hear from a complete outsiders perspective. He is making major decisions and apparently doesn't want to hear it from anyone including me. I really have been trying to be strong and not call/email- however it happened so suddenly that I felt that I didn't have any answers or understanding as to what occured. There weren't many warning signs leading up to the break up. I do need to move. If someone is evaluating their life at 29-I don't need to be around until they are sure. Thanks Uriel Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I am going thru something pretty much the same, my ex is 29 too and he shuts out people, I think he suffers from depression and schizophrenia too; its been almost a month , i broke contact w/ him to let him be Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMF Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 WOW- what are you going through? My ex admitted to maybe turning 29 has freaked him out... but it just is frightening that a person can flip out so quickly and then just ignore me and refuse contact when I have done been devoted, loyal. My ex is a very upbeat person so its scary that he changed. Link to post Share on other sites
drinana Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Hey SMF, I really can't help but see a similar thing in both our situations.. My ex totally shut me out, his family, his friends, etc... I really think that there are some issues he had to figure out on his own and the first time I accepted it and gave him his space, the second time I also gave him his space... Just 2 weeks ago it happened again.. Now I don't know your guy or what he has going on in his head, but I can't help but wonder if he'll do this again??? Guys who are still trying to figure out who they are, what they want out of life, are really unstable. I think you should try your best to get on with your life. If he wants to work things out then he'll contact you.. If not then his loss.. Remember that you may love him, but you don't need him... Take care of yourself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SMF Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 That is good advice everyone- Thank you. Its just so odd to me that out of the blue this occurred and then he refuses contact. HAS HE WIPED HIS HANDS OF IT? Or is he REALLY taking this time to his and or my advantage? I am just so confused. I haven't contacted him. Its just so so hard I feel so let down and disappointed that the person that I knew has changed for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
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