xUnknown Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 So that is what my problem is. I keep remembering how great things were in the first year to year and a half. Despite how bad or "off" things were in past months, I keep remembering and looking at the good. Granted, that isn't necessarily a bad thing overall, however, right now when I'm trying to move on - it is. So what helped you move past these thoughts? I'm sure many of you were where I'm at - always seeing the good, not taking into account the bad, which just makes the moving on process much more difficult. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Vinsanity1307 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Man these thoughts are constantly in my head. The sh***y part is we were in that honeymoon stage again the past few years then out of no where she dumps me(there were some aweful stages like the first few years but got past them). My best advice is go to the gym or do some sort of exercise. Thats the only time I somewhat ever feel better I am 4 months post BU from a 5 year relationship.... How far along from the BU are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xUnknown Posted November 10, 2013 Author Share Posted November 10, 2013 Man these thoughts are constantly in my head. The sh***y part is we were in that honeymoon stage again the past few years then out of no where she dumps me(there were some aweful stages like the first few years but got past them). My best advice is go to the gym or do some sort of exercise. Thats the only time I somewhat ever feel better I am 4 months post BU from a 5 year relationship.... How far along from the BU are you? I'm 1 month as of yesterday post BU...we were on a break 2 weeks before that, I starting my healing process when we started the break. Unfortunately, Im on house arrest for a **** up I had two years ago (almost 2 months in of my 6months). So going to the gym Isn't really possible...but I have been working out at my apartment which is going well. I'm big into lifting so not being in the gym sucks big time lol. But im doing a p90x/insanity hybrid that is working great so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Vinsanity1307 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Sorry to hear about your ****. Glad your doing some exercise cause thats the only time I ever feel somewhat better. Wish I had more advice for ya though cause it sucks.. I know 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 So what helped you move past these thoughts? Thanks! Got pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Is there nothing negative about them or the relationship you can focus on? I know what it's like to focus on the good because i did that my first few BUs with my ex. The last one but all i think about are the bad things and all the things he did which i find annoying. Plus I'm angry at him so that makes it easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Example: He had really manky feet. He never shut up - sometimes i would think can you not just shut up for 2 mins. Very needy person and you could never give enough - draining. Selfish Lots of "baggage" comes with him ETC Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Hi Unknown, I was forever just thinking how wonderful everything was and putting her so high above me its now a tad uncomfortable to think what i did. I am 2 months longer than you. The bad times begin to bubble into your mind. then you start realising that the good times were not quite as good as they seemed. When your in the moment you dont see from outside. The more you focus on the good things the more it will eat away at you and you put all the blame on yourself for the break up. Not easy to control your thoughts at this stage but just try looking at the good times, were they really that good? Was the relationship equal or not. Take care. So that is what my problem is. I keep remembering how great things were in the first year to year and a half. Despite how bad or "off" things were in past months, I keep remembering and looking at the good. Granted, that isn't necessarily a bad thing overall, however, right now when I'm trying to move on - it is. So what helped you move past these thoughts? I'm sure many of you were where I'm at - always seeing the good, not taking into account the bad, which just makes the moving on process much more difficult. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
j.gman Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Got pregnant. Are you trolling? Link to post Share on other sites
aybc123 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 I think having these kind of memories is natural and should gradually lessen with time until they're not a bother. Of course they'll disappear entirely as soon as you meet and fall for someone else. In the meantime if they really are being too distracting try to write out a list of all the bad memories you have of you together, arguments, things you didnt like about them/ your relationship. Memorise it and every time you find yourself taking a trip down memory lane or indulging in an alternate reality fantasy (my guilty crime). Stop what you're doing, list off those things in your head and do something else. Try to minimise the time you have to dwell on these things too. Engross yourself in your work, become a 'yes' man for any suggestion of a social event, reconnect with old friends take up a new hobby that engages your brain and maybe cut down on any that give you a lot of time to think (i compete in olympic weightlifting and triathlons, the weightlifting and swimming is fine but cutting down on running and cycling has really reduced my solitary angst time, instead i started playing the piano again because it's impossible to think of anything else whilst you're doing it). Link to post Share on other sites
im_thedude Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 I remember how she gutted me by chatting up two dozen dudes ("friends") online every night in the tail end of our relationship, then pinned the downfall of the relationship entirely on me before kicking my ass to the curb and blocking off all communication. And then I remember how I found out how quickly she started some online fling with one of previously mentioned "friends." And I remember how she changed everything up in her life and willingly left an entire group of friends behind with me. Most days the fire lit in my chest from thinking of those things is enough to extinguish the sweet memories from earlier in the relationship. ... on most days, though. Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted November 10, 2013 Share Posted November 10, 2013 Try to remember how he made you suffer. In my case I remember: -how he lied to me -how he used me for sex -how selfish he was. Meeting him was only on his terms. Never asked me how I was, or what's was going on with my life -He was always bitching about his ex (I'm pretty sure he was still in love with her) -He made me feel inferior -He looked at me with disapproval eyes, always, like I was not good enough for him -Last time I met him he was so cold, he only wanted sex so he was very caring BEFORE, but when he got what he wanted, his smile disappeared. I think you should try to remember those things that made you feel horrible. Try it. Im sure you can find something... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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