What are the REAL reasons you have broken off a relationship?

[Valen]

The purpose of this thread is to understand why relationships didn't work out from the point of view of the dumper. Perhaps it could help the dumpee avoid future relationship pitfalls. So, what were some of the reasons why you ended a past relationship? Be honest now.

 

I'll start: Initially I was attracted to my ex, but no matter how hard I tried I could not develop my feelings into something deeper like love. I realize there was not much we have in common. Our values in life are different and our maturity level don't match as well. She was a party girl. I was the laid back, nature loving type. I broke it off as I see there isn't a future for us.

[Philosoraptor]

Simply enough I was either not happy with the relationship, or the person I was in the relationship with.

 

Pretty much, if it doesn't feel right... just trust yourself and move on.

[Valen]

Simply enough I was either not happy with the relationship, or the person I was in the relationship with.

 

Pretty much, if it doesn't feel right... just trust yourself and move on.

 

Could you pinpoint what were the reasons for the unhappiness in that relationship?

[aybc123]

last few:

 

- was nice enough, but i found her boring, we didn't have much common ground, broke it off when i realised i wasnt going to develop feelings for her after a few months.

 

- was a nice person but attraction was not that great on my part compared to theirs, broke it off because again i wasnt going to fall in love with her after a few months, what killed it finally was a bedroom issue that im not gonna go into for reasons of not wanting to be mean.

 

- the ex im on here for: (who i broke up with originally) i loved her but i wasnt sure she was the one, for the longest time i couldnt see myself marrying her etc. and then after a year i did want that and things were great but a few months afterwards our relationship began to deteriorate due to becoming medium distance, both taking it for granted and her pushing me away by neediness - she was depressed which i discovered later but she changed into a completely different person, always complaining and unhappy with everything/ constant crises over minor things, i felt like there wasnt room in the relationship for me. sex life died and we became distant and i decided to end it because i thought i would be happier without the relationship (and was for a good while).

 

- girl i dated for a few weeks recently: nice but not really any spark, too hung up on ex to want to pursue it, called it.

[mercuryshadow]

Incompatibility in just about every aspect.

 

Very different values.

 

Dishonesty and infidelity on his part.

 

He wanted to move to the city, I did not.

 

Overall disrespect, eventually from both ends, stemming from resentment.

 

 

 

I hung in there for over 5 years. By the end, I was already over it. Attachment and familiarity were the only things keeping me there for so long. It was a very deluded situation.

[Mariposa10]

last few:

 

- was nice enough, but i found her boring, we didn't have much common ground, broke it off when i realised i wasnt going to develop feelings for her after a few months.

 

- was a nice person but attraction was not that great on my part compared to theirs, broke it off because again i wasnt going to fall in love with her after a few months, what killed it finally was a bedroom issue that im not gonna go into for reasons of not wanting to be mean.

 

- the ex im on here for: (who i broke up with originally) i loved her but i wasnt sure she was the one, for the longest time i couldnt see myself marrying her etc. and then after a year i did want that and things were great but a few months afterwards our relationship began to deteriorate due to becoming medium distance, both taking it for granted and her pushing me away by neediness - she was depressed which i discovered later but she changed into a completely different person, always complaining and unhappy with everything/ constant crises over minor things, i felt like there wasnt room in the relationship for me. sex life died and we became distant and i decided to end it because i thought i would be happier without the relationship (and was for a good while).

 

- girl i dated for a few weeks recently: nice but not really any spark, too hung up on ex to want to pursue it, called it.

 

 

I wanna know the bedroom reasons! Oh no, wait... yes, you're gonna sound mean....

[Philosoraptor]

Just points of compatibility. Over multiple relationships there have been lifestyle issues, discrepencies on the plans for the future, communication issues, trust issues, and anything else that I wasn't happy with.

 

Everything was communicated and things were given the chance to be fixed; but you shouldn't have to put in that much effort to be with someone. Either you're a good match or you're not.

 

 

Sad thing is many dumpers either can't, or won't, communicate the real issues to the dumpee. They go vague to limit their guilt and try to cause less pain, when upfront honesty might hurt quick... it will also lower healing time for the dumpee as it limits any lingering questions. I've always valued that honesty, so I've always been gentle but honest when ending a relationship.

[Valen]

what killed it finally was a bedroom issue that im not gonna go into for reasons of not wanting to be mean.

 

 

 

Now you have to tell us. That's is precisely the purpose of this thread. To get to the cold hard truth. We won't look at it as you being mean, but being honest. If anything, it could help others avoid the same mistake. So what is it?

[Valen]

 

Sad thing is many dumpers either can't, or won't, communicate the real issues to the dumpee. They go vague to limit their guilt and try to cause less pain, when upfront honesty might hurt quick... it will also lower healing time for the dumpee as it limits any lingering questions. I've always valued that honesty, so I've always been gentle but honest when ending a relationship.

 

I agree. Giving the honest reasons to the dumpee will in the long run help them out, even if those reasons were superficial.

[d0nnivain]

* he wouldn't stop drinking & was getting in legal trouble as a result plus we were in an LDR because he jumped bail & there was a guy closer who I was starting to think about who didn't have all that baggage

 

* I was 16 & he called me his GF which freaked me out

 

* I wanted a commitment (marriage) but he didn't & after 12 years I finally wised up

 

* he lied to me about the status of his divorce

 

* he was paranoid & insecure & accused me of cheating all the time when I wasn't doing anything

[Valen]

* I was 16 & he called me his GF which freaked me out

 

* I wanted a commitment (marriage) but he didn't & after 12 years I finally wised up

 

 

These two reasons are so opposites of one another.

[d0nnivain]

Yeah but they happened a life time apart. I grew up. It does happen.

[aybc123]

I wanna know the bedroom reasons! Oh no, wait... yes, you're gonna sound mean....

 

lol, i was tempted but she was a nice person so

 

i missed a couple

 

- there was a girl i dated for a while but i wasnt sure about, then she told me she was a virgin and i decided it was unfair to sleep with her if i knew it was going to end shortly after, plus we didnt have that much in common

 

- grass is greener girl that i dated couple of months after ex: it was mutual but my reasons were wanting to support ex who had just had a breakdown without feeling guilty about seeing someone else whilst doing it.

 

- my worst one ever from waaaaaay back, when i was 15 i broke up with a girl just because she liked me too much and it scared the crap out of me, i really liked her but she would do all this romantic stuff like making paintings for me, writing poetry and talking about the future etc, it was really sweet looking back but at the time i didnt really know how to react, agh joys of being young and stupid. actually apologised to her years later for being an ******* and we're decent friends now.

 

i've noticed that most of the relationships i initiate tend to fizzle out after a few months whereas the 3 that have lasted a year plus have been started by them and so have most of the others that i thought could've gone somewhere given the chance. I dont know whether this is a sign or whether i should just keep plugging away and eventually break the trend :/

 

 

Now you have to tell us. That's is precisely the purpose of this thread. To get to the cold hard truth. We won't look at it as you being mean, but being honest. If anything, it could help others avoid the same mistake. So what is it?

 

Edit: Oh god fine, i guess it's anonymous so it's ok, lets just say it was a hygiene issue and leave it at that.

Edited November 8, 2013 by aybc123

[aybc123]

I agree. Giving the honest reasons to the dumpee will in the long run help them out, even if those reasons were superficial.

 

I don't think it's such a big deal, i think most people know that breakup excuses are half-truths at best. Usually the final reason could really be anything and is kinda unimportant, the actual reason is almost always that the dumper doesnt feel you're compatible enough and doesnt love you or see themselves loving you so cant put up with or deal with whatever X random reason is.

[Valen]

- my worst one ever from waaaaaay back, when i was 15 i broke up with a girl just because she liked me too much and it scared the crap out of me, i really liked her but she would do all this romantic stuff like making paintings for me, writing poetry and talking about the future etc, it was really sweet looking back but at the time i didnt really know how to react, agh joys of being young and stupid. actually apologised to her years later for being an ******* and we're decent friends now.

 

 

Haha I made that mistake once when I was young and naive thought girls wanted those mushy stuff so I wrote her a poem. Next thing I knew, she broke it off. Didn't know why back then. Lesson learned.

[aybc123]

Haha I made that mistake once when I was young and naive thought girls wanted those mushy stuff so I wrote her a poem. Next thing I knew, she broke it off. Didn't know why back then. Lesson learned.

 

Lol, yeah, i think those things are great, im kind of a hopeless romantic anyway, but you probably have to be a bit more mature to appreciate them. And also for the relationship to be pretty well established so it's not overwhelming.

[Mariposa10]

lol, i was tempted but she was a nice person so

 

i missed a couple

 

- there was a girl i dated for a while but i wasnt sure about, then she told me she was a virgin and i decided it was unfair to sleep with her if i knew it was going to end shortly after, plus we didnt have that much in common

 

- grass is greener girl that i dated couple of months after ex: it was mutual but my reasons were wanting to support ex who had just had a breakdown without feeling guilty about seeing someone else whilst doing it.

 

- my worst one ever from waaaaaay back, when i was 15 i broke up with a girl just because she liked me too much and it scared the crap out of me, i really liked her but she would do all this romantic stuff like making paintings for me, writing poetry and talking about the future etc, it was really sweet looking back but at the time i didnt really know how to react, agh joys of being young and stupid. actually apologised to her years later for being an ******* and we're decent friends now.

 

i've noticed that most of the relationships i initiate tend to fizzle out after a few months whereas the 3 that have lasted a year plus have been started by them and so have most of the others that i thought could've gone somewhere given the chance. I dont know whether this is a sign or whether i should just keep plugging away and eventually break the trend :/

 

 

 

 

Edit: Oh god fine, i guess it's anonymous so it's ok, lets just say it was a hygiene issue and leave it at that.

 

I see you edited it

 

Anyway, did you ever say anything about it? And yes, hygiene can be a deal breaker for some people!!

[aybc123]

I see you edited it

 

Anyway, did you ever say anything about it? And yes, hygiene can be a deal breaker for some people!!

 

No! i mean how do you bring something like that up?? mentioning it would be bad enough if you'd been with them for ages loved them and it wasn't always like that. Nigh on impossible as part of an I'm breaking up with you talk.

[faithfully]

This is probably gonna sound shallow but my 1st ex- wasn't attracted to him anymore and didn't really wanted to be in a relationship with him but I thought with time maybe I would find him attractive but I just didn't and I hurt him really bad. He thought the world of me and I watched him beg and cried me back. said he would commit suicide, the lot!!- we are friends now

 

 

2nd ex I broke up with him because he was 39 and I was 25 and I wanted to get married, have kids and he didn't as he already done that. so it was mutual but then had a real nasty argument which upset me

 

3rd ex broke up with me- looking back now I feel sorry and bad for my 1st ex who I dumped coz am in his shoes.

 

so guess things do come back and bite you in the ASS HARD!!!! This is my KARMA

[SoonMyFriend]

Here goes... my lists from when I was the dumper...

 

High school boyfriend... lasted seven months

-He was too jealous

-He was too controlling

-He was smothering me (stopped hanging out with his friends, got mad at me when I wanted time alone or with my friends)

 

High school boyfriend that then became a 10+ year relationship

-I wasn't attracted to him (I actually started to loathe having sex with him, and I dreaded being intimate with him)

-He was very anti-social and as I grew older I became more social and wanted someone who could be social with me. He was the type where if he was annoyed he'd literally sulk in the corner of a party and I would have to entertain him.

-He was lazy.

-He took me for granted despite my repeated pleas that I needed help with things from everyday chores to finances (he was unemployed for three years and refused to look for ANY kind of work outside of what he had his degree in)

-I accumulated a lot of debt on my credit card because of his laziness and I am still paying it off

-He was manipulative

-He was passive/aggressive

[Phoe]

I've never dumped someone, but my 3 boyfriends dumped me for these reasons -

 

1* Found a cuter girl

2* Found a cuter girl

3* Didn't want a girlfriend after all

[ponchsox]

Circumstances beyond our control changed which prevented us to move from dating to a relationship. Dumper had to focus on her son, dumpee was unhappy with the lack of time the last six months. Had things aligned for us, we could have been a great couple. Dumpee realizes the situation just wasn't right and needs to find someone else. Dumper doesn't want to date for the foreseeable future. Dumper loved the dumpee but got frustrated and realized they shouldn't be with anyone now.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Let's see...

 

When I was 8, I went out with a girl who everyone said was "the prettiest girl in 3rd grade". I dumped her because it was awkward not knowing what to do when we were alone, and because I found the bruises on her legs unattractive By the 6th grade she was gorgeous and I was going through an "ugly" stage.

 

When I was 13, I was an American living in Germany and started seeing this super pretty German/French girl. We met in the summer at a swimming pool but when summer ended I asked a friend to tell her I wasn't going to be able to see her anymore. But I saw her again in the winter and she thought we were still going out My friend never told her. I, being stupid, thought it best to break up with her then. Still feel guilty about how I handled this one.

 

At 14, I took my 13 year old middle-school girlfriend to my high-school homecoming or some similar function. The other guys there, without dates, hassled me about it. I was insecure and I crawled into my shell. Broke her heart and many years later she was still hurt by it.

 

At 16, I started seeing a girl who had a baby and had a crush on me for awhile. Things were going well until during a conversation, her mother started trashing the baby daddy. Things got really awkward when my GF started crying.

 

At 17, I had to dump a girl because I was getting back together with my pregnant girlfriend. Also some guys made crude comments to me about her and her activities with their friends at a party. I handled it poorly and said some mean things that got back to her making it even worse.

 

At 21, I dumped a girl because she was high maintenance. Super hot, had been with some of my friends already (despite being 17), and a little slutty. She begged me for it but I just couldn't do it. She said she didn't do BJs and expected too much from me. I was turned off.

 

At 22, I dumped a woman because she was needy and I didn't feel the connection. She has ADHD and was too hyper and not careful enough about her choices of words for someone as over-sensitive as I am. It created uncomfortable situations.

Edited November 9, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus
added at age 16

[USMCHokie]

I wanted to be a man-whore.

[BeingMe]

1. He attacked me

 

2. Hot, knee shakingly great, holiday romance, holiday ended. Saw him a few years later and didn't fancy him. Go figure

 

3. Not much in common but a great kisser

 

4. He was too intense (artistic), had OCD, was really inexperienced and not a quick learner. We stayed friendly but lost contact

 

5. & 7. Same guy. Amazing chemistry but first time he was too immature. 2nd time, just wrong place, wrong time but we had fun. We lost contact but I wish him well and if I was single, I wouldn't say no....

 

6. Complete nightmare but only discovered it bit by bit: bullied his sibling, addicted to porn, got into drugs, poor self esteem, paranoid, then he started to get violent around me. Dumped him and got stalked. Later found out he'd cheated, but I was indifferent by then.