eskimokiss Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 OK here goes. I am new to this but I need help. I began dating a best friend 3 years ago (friends for 2.5 years before the transition of our platonic relationship into a romantic one). We moved in together and had many trials and tribulations (i.e. he got hit by a car 1 month in our first new place together and was out of work and I had to work 2 jobs to keep us a float). Recently, April to be exact, he broke it off with me. He said that he had been thinking for a while (two weeks is a while to him) that he no longer was in love with me. We were still sharing an apartment together, but after that night he didn't come back or really call and I hadn't seen him much for two and a half months. I was really upset but I knew that I wasn't going to let him drop the financial responsibility to pay his rent share even though he wasn't there. After two and a half months, I get a call from him and he asks if we can meet up and talk. Meanwhile I was beginning to feel much better than I had at the beginning, I was dieting and exercising and rekindling old and start new friendships. I agree to meet with him. He meets up with me and my friends and we spend the day together and as the day goes on, I learn why he wanted to meet. He asks me to move back in because he is tired of living the nomadic lifestyle he has been living and it would be easier to save if he didn't have to give money for an apartment. I said that I wasn't sure how it would work out but I would try. He begins then to tell me that he had been living with his boss for about 3 weeks and began having relations with her and she started arguing with him and wanting a relationship and that things were complicated. All the while I am sure that he wasn't worried about how I was taking all this news. I mean I really loved him and would have carried him to the ends of Earth and here he was telling me that he had been having a relationship, not only 5 weeks after a 3 year relationship had just broken up, but that it was with someone 9 years his senior who had met and seen me with him before our breakup. Needless-to-say I was heart broken. He moved a lot of his stuff back into what had become my place while he wasn't there and then left for four days to see if he could patch up their relationship and make it work. He figures out in 2 weeks that he is no longer in love with me, but he is going to try to make it work with his boss with whom he has only had a relationship with for 3 weeks! He would have long conversations on the phone and stayed out. Meanwhile I cannot control how my heart aches, so I sit him down and tell him that there has to be guidelines because I cannot handle the stress,that knowing and not knowing what he was doing and the fact that I cared, was doing to me. My mother will be in town for my birthday on Saturday and I asked him if he could help me fix a few things in the apartment for her arrive, mostly a door that he broke out of rage while he lived there. Well it was "her" birthday yesterday and he has class tonight and my mother arrives tomorrow so I am pissed that he again put her and her feelings ahead of his promise to me. I am getting more stressed then when he was gone. I cry again and get physically ill from stress again and I want it all to stop. I cannot afford this place on my own, nor can I afford to move. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
genie Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Is there any way you can just move to a place you can afford. I know it's alot easier to say when you're sitting on the outside, but my opinion is to get him out of your life. It seems he is there for selfish reasons and not thinking of your feelings. You said you were beginning to do good without him and trust me that can continue. Get a new place and a new man Link to post Share on other sites
Author eskimokiss Posted July 22, 2004 Author Share Posted July 22, 2004 Thanks for reading it, I know it was long and I appreciate it. I only have to survive another month or so... I will have to bite the bullet and accept responsibility for getting myself into this mess! I have lost 33lbs since 4/4 though... that is the best thing that I got out of this breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
genie Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Good luck to you!!! I am very jealous of the weightloss. I bet you look great. Just what you need to get your ego boosted. Don't let his actions bring your self esteem down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eskimokiss Posted July 23, 2004 Author Share Posted July 23, 2004 Last night we had a talk after he came back from work to "our place" I told him that I hate having questions in my head that I don't want but do want the answers to. He told me that he has not had sex with her and that he doesn't really want to be friends with this woman (his boss) anymore because she was upset that he cared so much for me as a friend and will spend the weekend with me yet again for the fourth weekend in a row. I told him that barring our situation I probably would have liked this woman and that it is probably just too hard. He tells me that she 'hates' me... can you believe that.... boy that makes me feel great... silly I know... but at 35 she has less maturity than I do at 25 (26 tomorrow 'yikes') Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 He asks me to move back in because he is tired of living the nomadic lifestyle he has been living and it would be easier to save if he didn't have to give money for an apartment. Is he paying you rent? You let your ex, who is now dating someone else, move back in? You let your ex, who decided he wasn't in love with you, move back in? <scratching head> I know you probably still love him...but...this is crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
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