Natasha94 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hi guys! Probably just need to vent, there is nothing much to be done or said. Long story short, i met this guy like more than a year ago in the most random and hilarious circumstances. He is quite unique, tremendously funny, very strong personnality, kind of a leader. Loves to cook, to read an practices sports.. dreamy right? So he started talking to me 24/7.. he was so into it.. i gave ittime.. so i really really fell for him, it was the first time i fall this hard. And then, after a few months, he started taking distance, i talked about that twice.. he said he loved me and would do anything not to lose me, but in fact nothing changed. So i told him we should break up, he didnt fight for me, he said it was my decision and that he doesnt want to get emotionnaly envolved anymore. He's going to dedicate his life to charity volunteering around the world. I believed that crap. We lasted in fact for 6 months. Then we continued talking a little awkwardly, then we stopped for about 4 months. By coincidence, I saw a picture of him and a girl via social media, that wasn't that inocent. I'm not sure if they got serious but i m pretty sure it was not nothing. Then he went on a mission trip to India and he texted me from there out of the blue. He said he never stopped missing me, but he needed more freedoom, and he still loves me. We still talk till this day, a few times a week.. he talks to me . I never make a step towards him because i m afraid of caring too much and being rejected. He never suggested we should get back together though.. i feel so dumb still talking to him and caring, but I cannot not reply. It's beyond my power. He doesn't know anything of what i went through though, he doesn't know that would still die for him. It's been over 9 months, i cant imagine myself with anyone else, ever, i know it sounds stupid. I hed a guy after him and we broke up because I was not able To care much. I m just torn. I sometimes feel like dying. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 I understand what you're feeling because it's been one year since my BU and I still have strong feelings for my ex, too. My ex has tried to befriend me several times this past year and as much as I was yearning to respond to him, I knew it would set me back. I felt devastated getting texts and FB messages from him and his contacts would set me back for days, wondering if he still likes me and wanting to be with him. But it would have been much, much worse for me had I responded to his overtures. What I have learned is that he is reaching out for his own self-interests. He may be bored for a moment, wants someone to chat with, feeling arrogant enough that I'll succumb to speaking with him - they are all selfish reasons and have nothing to do with what's healthy for me. Your fella is far away and lonely. So who does he contact? You. It's easy to tell you he misses and loves you from so far away when he can't do anything about it anyway. If he loved you, you would be feeling happy and secure right now, but you're not. He is just looking for some warm, friendly banter and you fit that bill. This is all about him and filling his needs. I know it is so very hard to resist having contact with him. I can tell you that the healing process is almost impossible with continued contact with your ex. If you possibly can, I recommend you discontinue contact with him so you have a chance to move forward, sooner, rather than later. There is little chance you'll open your heart to someone worthy of you with continued contact with your ex. It is NOT beyond your power. You ARE strong! Be good to yourself, not to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Is it possible that you're only feeling the real impact of your breakup now? Since you're the one who broke up with him and have had continuous contact afterward you didn't really feel him leave your life. But now that you know he's no longer within your reach you're feeling the same heartbreak he felt 9 months ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natasha94 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Lady M, you have no idea how much it helped what you said. Although I have read similar things about a million times online, but this time; it like hit me. I guess it was so obvious and I just needed someone to point it out. I can't keep beating myself up for what happened. I'm standing strong, I don't want anything that has to do with him. He is just not worth the fight. I still haven't healed yet, but it's normal. I'm okay with the idea that it's going to take longer than usual because it's the first time I have experienced this kind of feelings. So I'm trying to get my mind off of it for now, I am trying to concentrate on myself. I have so much going on in my life. And I hope that with these baby steps and the determinate decision that I want to move on, I willl finally manage to get over him. Thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natasha94 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 Strive, i was through pain during the whole process. This isn't recent. I was devasted. And I'm not the one who wanted to break up in the first place, he knows it and admits it. He was just to weak to say it to my face, so I said the things that needed to be said. I just could not tolerate the fact that he would want to see me less and less, and want to talk to me or even ask about me less and less and for no apparent reason nor explanations and I'm not th clingy kind, trust me, I'm far from that. But he knew I loved him so much. He says he's been through so much pain, but I don't know.. I'm not bying it anymore. It's just pathetic. I think he's just saying that to make sure I'll still be here if he ever gets lonely and wants to come back. Because if he really wanted me, he knew he could have prooved to me that I meant something to him and then I could probably reconcider the decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Wow, this is a tough situation. I think you did the right thing with the break-up. You handled it very well. Hang in there, you are going to find love with someone who really cares about you and has your best interests in mind someday. Just keep swimming! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Lady M, you have no idea how much it helped what you said. Although I have read similar things about a million times online, but this time; it like hit me. I guess it was so obvious and I just needed someone to point it out. I can't keep beating myself up for what happened. I'm standing strong, I don't want anything that has to do with him. He is just not worth the fight. I still haven't healed yet, but it's normal. I'm okay with the idea that it's going to take longer than usual because it's the first time I have experienced this kind of feelings. So I'm trying to get my mind off of it for now, I am trying to concentrate on myself. I have so much going on in my life. And I hope that with these baby steps and the determinate decision that I want to move on, I willl finally manage to get over him. Thank you so much! You made my night! Thanks for letting me know. I know you are going to be just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
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