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My Nightmare (Had Gigs, dumped by Gigs)


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After being a long time reader ive finally decided to post my story.

 

I was dumped roughly 3 months ago, I am 25, girlfriend was 23 and we had dated for 3 years.

 

We originally met in university at a party, and immediately hit it off. She was newly single and I was ready to start a relationship. We had an incredible time together partying with friends and hanging out. She was much more in to me than i was to her however. She had told me she was in love with me just a few months in. After about 9 months of dating I had started to feel the symptoms of Gigs. I had met a bunch of different girls at work that I kept thinking about all these possibilities.

 

I felt horrible about these feelings as my gf was so in love with me, and although at the time I said it back I am not really sure if i truly meant it. I decided to break it off with her and it was one of the hardest things ive ever done. I quickly realized how much I missed her. She had continued to keep in touch with me and we got back together after about a month.

 

Our relationship had never been better. I fell in love with her. Over the next year and a half we did everything together. We had gone on a bunch of different week long vacations but finally decided we would spend a month in Europe together.

 

Our trip was this past August. Our relationship was perfect through June, and then July everything changed. I started getting one word answer text messages and she began hanging out with this new group of guys with her girlfriends. I would ask if everything was okay and I was assured it was. I figured everything would be fine once we left on our trip.

 

The first few nights in Europe I could tell something was off. 4 nights in to our month long vacation, she dumped me. She told me she was afraid that we were going to be married soon and she was just really confused. I was crushed. We were a part of a tour group, who everyone knew we came as a couple. To avoid embarrassment, we pretended to be together for the remainder of the trip. In all honesty I actually still had an amazing time, however I was incredibly sad. She kept telling me we will try and work things out when we get home, but i wasnt buying it.

 

Once we got home I went total NC. I never begged to have her back, I just tried to deal with everything as best as I can. I was a mess, and I still miss her a lot...But like everyone says NC really helps. She has tried messaging me almost every 4 days but i never respond.

 

Fast forward to right now. The girl who I was seeing (not dating just having fun) right before my ex became newly single. She was the perfect girl and we always liked each other. However distance and us seeing other people always got in the way. We decided about a month ago to see if we could help each other get over our ex's. I was incredibly happy again, and wasnt even thinking about my ex.

 

Well about a week ago her ex came back into the picture. She broke the news to me. I should have been more prepared but we wernt seeing each other for long enough for me to be too upset. I understood. As of 2 days ago her ex disappeared from her life just like hes done many times over the past few years.

 

Its been just a roller coaster of a ride the past few months. Its been really, really tough. I dont really know what my next move is but im taking it one day at a time.

 

Sorry for the long read but any advice would be helpful.

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Philosoraptor

Sounds like you need to take some time and get yourself straightened out before you put yourself at risk again. Personally, I wouldn't advocate using another person to get over your ex as if they disappear you're back to nothing. You'd be best finding that strength within so that nothing outside of your own actions can put your healing in jeopardy.

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I was once in your shoe man. Tell you what, it happens.

Also you have to understand your age group. Your 20's are your selfish years in life. Just like how you had GIGS, she had it as well I guess. She was probably willing to risk her relationship with something she might of thought was "better". It's her life though. If she didn't do such a thing and decided to stay with you and get married. Many years down the road she'll come across a word called "regret". We don't need that in our lives. So we avoid this by exploring areas we haven't before it is too late. It's better now than never.

 

I could see that you're hurting. I was there, so have many of us on these forums. If you have a strong mindset you'll survive with very little problems.

 

My best personal advice is upgrade yourself. Do things you wish to explore. Experience things you haven't yet. Do not think being single is a curse, but look at it as you're free from cuffs, you aren't tied down no more. You don't have to worry or argue with anyone. The only person you have to think about is yourself. Improve your qualities. Gym, outdoor, knowledge, the list is almost endless.

 

As the hours, days, and months go by. You'll always catch yourself thinking about her, but eventually she'll start to fade and you know what i'll be talking about as soon as you let yourself move on. You'll start to feel free and you start turning positive. She than becomes a memory.

 

Don't hold on to false hope that she'll come running back or that you guys will ever be back together. It's best to assume she is dead. Honestly she is dead because she's not the same person anymore. Not the person you loved at least.

 

It will end because you will just one day say f*ck it i'm done.

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Yep sounds like pretty typical gigs probably got jealous of her new group of friends freedom/ took a shine to one of the guys/ was encouraged by the girls to have fun with them single. Unfortunately there's only one way for someone to realise that the grass is almost never greener, and then not make that mistake again. Sounds like you're doing everything right, does she know how you felt before you went NC?

 

What have the messages she's been sending you said? shes sent one every 4 days for the last 3 months with zero response? sounds pretty stubborn at least.

 

Anyway GIGs people almost always realise it was a big mistake unless they stumble into another serious relationship that happens to work. Unfortunately it could take a month, or it could take a couple of years and you cant be hanging around to see which it is.

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Your 20's are your selfish years in life. Just like how you had GIGS, she had it as well I guess.

 

GIG's is a really strange phenomenon, im pretty sure its only existed for the last 30 years or so. In times past when people fell in love for the first time in their first proper committed adult relationship, they got married and that was that. Now with education being extended into mid 20's improved health, improved opportunities of things to do and places to go people don't have to get married and they can choose to get rid of that relationship or see if they can get something better, because they have time to, and enjoy a few more years alone then get married when they're 30-35.

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Yep sounds like pretty typical gigs probably got jealous of her new group of friends freedom/ took a shine to one of the guys/ was encouraged by the girls to have fun with them single. Unfortunately there's only one way for someone to realise that the grass is almost never greener, and then not make that mistake again. Sounds like you're doing everything right, does she know how you felt before you went NC?

 

What have the messages she's been sending you said? shes sent one every 4 days for the last 3 months with zero response? sounds pretty stubborn at least.

 

Anyway GIGs people almost always realise it was a big mistake unless they stumble into another serious relationship that happens to work. Unfortunately it could take a month, or it could take a couple of years and you cant be hanging around to see which it is.

The messages started out with her just acting like nothing was wrong. Things about work, friends, family etc. They have become fewer and more far between as of late but more just trying to bait me into a conversation.

 

Im sure she feels super guilty for dumping me on what was supposed to be a dream vacation. Probably looking to make sure im not pissed at her.

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