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Baby Mamma Drama-HELP??????


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I still have "baby mamma" drama with my man's ex. She will only allow him to see the kids if we aren't together. She calls my house looking for him and when I ask "who's calling?" she says " his babies' mama. Are you kidding me. We have been together for 4 years and living together for 3 years. Why does she manipulate and control him to get what she wants? Why does she prevent him from moving on and dis-respect me? It makes my life a living hell. I acuse him all the time of wanting her back. Another thing when she does call the subject always get's off topic (the kids) and she starts talking to him like they are still cool and in a relationship. She called my boyfriend one time when we were not together and aked how him and I are doing when he told her that we were taking a break, she asked if he would pay her cell phone bill and then she would let him see the kids (not in those words but). Why does she use the kids to torment my relationship with him. Should babies mamma's have the right to dis-respect me and my relationship with him just to get a reaction or make him jealous? I don't think that he still has feelings for her because I've asked. But would he really tell me the truth or say what I want to hear. When he does see the kids' she has to be there and when she does bring them (never to my house) over she's wears skimpy clothes and tons of make-up and I'm not suppossed to think anything of it. I want to ring her neck. Like I've said they have not been together for over 4 years. How to handle this? :mad:

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StartingAgain

Why does she manipulate and control him to get what she wants? Why does she prevent him from moving on and dis-respect me?

 

Because he allows her to do these things. It's not your place to deal with his ex-wife. There should be no communication between the two of you except for civil, polite and required exchanges when you take a message.

 

t makes my life a living hell. I acuse him all the time of wanting her back. Another thing when she does call the subject always get's off topic (the kids) and she starts talking to him like they are still cool and in a relationship.

 

Sounds like his ex is not the only drama mamma he has to deal with. If your life is a living hell, consider what his life must be having deal with two jealous women who insist on putting him in the middle of their cat fight.

 

Stop worrying about your husband's ex-wife and think only about yourself and your relationship with your husband. If you don't you are going to loose him.

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Originally posted by t866

I still have "baby mamma" drama with my man's ex. She will only allow him to see the kids if we aren't together. She calls my house looking for him and when I ask "who's calling?" she says " his babies' mama. Are you kidding me. We have been together for 4 years and living together for 3 years. Why does she manipulate and control him to get what she wants? Why does she prevent him from moving on and dis-respect me?

 

You should have known that she, and the child, would remain a part of his life for the rest of his own life. You knew about this. She has every right to see him and to call him.

 

It makes my life a living hell. I acuse him all the time of wanting her back.

 

Now, accusing him of such a thing is a very bad idea.

 

Another thing when she does call the subject always get's off topic (the kids) and she starts talking to him like they are still cool and in a relationship. She called my boyfriend one time when we were not together and aked how him and I are doing when he told her that we were taking a break, she asked if he would pay her cell phone bill and then she would let him see the kids (not in those words but). Why does she use the kids to torment my relationship with him.

 

This is what some women do — they use a child to take complete control over the father of the child. She knows that she is in forever control of him, and I suppose she may like that.

 

Should babies mamma's have the right to dis-respect me and my relationship with him just to get a reaction or make him jealous?

 

No, I do not believe she has a right to tormet. However, she and the child will always remain in his life.

 

I don't think that he still has feelings for her because I've asked. But would he really tell me the truth or say what I want to hear. When he does see the kids' she has to be there and when she does bring them (never to my house) over she's wears skimpy clothes and tons of make-up and I'm not suppossed to think anything of it. I want to ring her neck. Like I've said they have not been together for over 4 years. How to handle this? :mad:

 

You either trust your boyfriend or you do not. Relationships are based on trust and communication, and communicating your frustrations about the baby's mother might help. Perhaps he dislikes her as much as you do.

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Unfortunately, for you, her actions are something that he has to put a stop to, and there's nothing you can do about it. Unless it's court-ordered, she does NOT have to be there when he sees his children, and quite frankly, shouldn't be hanging around. It's better for them to be able to form their own bond with their father, unless, like I said, there's some sort of court order in place that says no-no. As a single mother myself, it sounds like her actions could be a bit inappropriate (then again, I dont' know the whole story). But HE's the one who needs to put a stop to it and he hasn't done so. Without accusing him of wanting her back, try talking calmly to him and see if you can agree on whether or not some boundries should be established with her. Perhaps he needs to sit down with her and have a chat. However, if he's not willing to do these things, it's up to you to decide whether to continue to put up with it, or move on.

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This is in regards to StartingAgain... They were never married. There is no "cat-fighting" involved. I'm very polite and respectful to her. I have even invited her to lunch with me, just to show her what type of woman I am in case she was uncomfortable about me being in her kids' life. I always feel like I'm being the bigger more mature person, because I do keep my mouth shut when she says or does ridiculous things. My boyfriend says to me that he loves me and would never ever get back with her and that the only thing they have in common is the kids. But it seems like she wants more, I wouldn't say more but she wants to control him and she loves knowing that she will always be in his life. Sometimes I feel it's not even about the kids. I know my man would do anything to see his kids and very little does he see them. I agree with Girlie, where the kids need to form their own bond with their father and without her around. I think my boyfriend is afraid to call her out on some of her ways because he fears she will take offense and not let him see the kids. At times he doesn't even see the way she is manupulating him. I know in my heart that they would never get back together, I just can't stand her way of dealing with the situation. I love those kids like they were my own. I just never thought baby mama drama would be this bad after 4 years of us being together.

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To Fuax, I accepted the fact that he has kids with another woman. I'm not that insecure and know that we have a wonderful relationship. She does have every right to call. But there ARE certain boundaries that do not need to be crossed. He does not ask her about anything, except about the kids and that's the way it should be. He does not care if she has a relationship with someone else, what she's been up to,etc. I know at times I over re-act, but this is a very sensitive subject. I feel like he should re-assure me more of what we have. He would do anything to see those kids. Like I said he does not see them that often. She sometimes will call and he'll ask when he can see the kids and she just makes excuses. I know that frustrates him so much and I see that he get's depressd and it makes me so mad that she does these things. It prevents our relationship from growing. Thanks for all your advice and help!!!!

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She's Come Undone

It's called court-ordered visitation, tell him to get one. He will have visitation with his kids without her being there. This is the only way to show her she has no place in your boyfriends life, and that he's only interested in the kids and talking to her ABOUT the kids.

 

If they can come up with a visitation schedule on their own they can simply file it with the courts without needing attorney's, or a hearing.

 

If your boyfriend does feel in the middle, like StartingAgain suggests, it's because he put himself there by not making you feel secure about his feelings towards his ex.

 

Sit down with him and have a good talk, find out where he stands!

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StartingAgain

I made the cat fighting comment because you wrote:

 

I acuse him all the time of wanting her back.

 

You aren't cat fighting with her directly, but you are through him. you shouldn't say things like this to him, especailly since you don't believe he still has feelings for her. I'll admit that 99% of the BS is coming from her. Just make sure that 100% of it comes from her and you are his safe harbor.

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THANK-YOU ALL SO MUCH!! THANKS FOR OPENING MY EYES AND HELPING UNDERSTAND THE WAY I'M OVER RE-ACTING IN CERTAIN INSTANCES-IS'. I APPRECIATE IT TREMENDOUSLY!!!!!

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  • 2 months later...

By now you probably realize that this Woman or LITTLE GIRL is in your life, because of the connection between the kids and the father.

 

If I were the father I would take custody of the kids. She is using them as a paycheck. If the father takes custody of the kids, then he gets to say when and where SHE gets to see HER kids.

 

Even if you do not gain custody the first time (because the judge favors the mothers), if you keep trying, the judge will see you mean well, and eventually give you custody. At least try for half custody, meaning she has to give 'em up now and then. So, if she denies him seeing his kids it's ILLEGAL, and she doesn't have to be around.

 

If you have half or full custody, don't let her trick you into thinking she has the law on her side. He is, after all, THE OTHER PARENT, and he should have as much say as she obviously does.

 

So good luck!

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Tell him to look up DEAN TONG and find out how to fight for gis rights as a father in court. Tell him to look up the Men's Activism Network. These guys are full of good advice and resources for men who are abused by the system controlled by weak men and their evil Misandrist and feminazi masters. Good luck to him.

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Hope you are now realizing that you have been barking up the wrong tree. This woman may do whatever she can to simultaneously annoy, manipulate and seduce your boyfriend (?!), but she is HIS issue. NOT yours.

 

The only thing you need to do here is provide him with the information on claiming his parental rights that he is obviously lacking. Then step back. He's an adult, right?

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