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2 months and id defo over because i didnt do nc


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hi all some of you might remember my thread where my GF left me. i have my 2 kids and also i kept the house. she has moved back to her parents!

 

well short story is i kept begging and didnt do nc that has started today also i have been in contact with her family her gran told me she would come back which gave me hope! i was possessive to some degree but she was also she said for 18 months to 2 yrs she had been feeling the love had gone and i didnt listen i was just thinking about myself and wanting her. last night she went to her grans and she told her gran i have pushed her to far away and that there is no chance at all of reconciling. im gutted and now she is talking about doing things like a marathon and an army course of some sort. her gran has told me its now over and she advised me to leave her alone now and move on with my life which i am determined to do now. i feel gutted and lack confidence and its a total shock to the system. i now not only hate my ex which is a strong word but hate myself dont worry im not going to do anything daft but i am finding it hard to move on can someone give me some advice? also if by any chance anyone from york uk is here going through the same get in touch as i feel i need a good mate around. i dont get out of the house much because i have the kids and also alot of my mates are settled down so am findng it tough to move on etc i dont have many hobbies as alot of things i enjoyed when i was younger i cant do now because i dont get out of the house because of the kids. i need help to move on please help

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i guess with no one replying to my thread people know its my own fault then. or no one can give me the advice i need. i feel so stupid right now

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It's a work day during work hours here in the United States which might explain the lack of replies. You're doing the right thing going NC, make sure to stick to it. For finding new people, consider meetup.com- I've met several new friends there the last couple months and done some really fun things like hiking, barbecues, pumpkin carving and more.

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I'm going through a similar situation as you. Except she left with our daughter.

Whatever you do don't get in touch with her anymore because it'll make you feel ten times worse.

 

It's really difficult but try focussing on something else. Go for a walk with your kids whatever just don't sit in the house. You'll just keep turning things over in your head and feel miserable.

 

Realise there's lots of other people going through the same thing and your not alone.

 

Good luck!

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yeah i am now trying, its hard when i see her every day etc and when she contacts me about the kids she then says stuff which draws me into conversation then its my fault at this moment in time she really hates me so she told her gran. just feel things went way out of hand but hey i am now gonna move on for myself not to get her back i have seen her true colours and my previous post was called i need support on here you will see what i went through but thanks to you both who replied

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Hey buddy. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm not in York...couldn't be much further from you in the UK actually, I'm in Bath, south-west.

 

I know that it's tough looking after the kids too. My 5 year old son lives with me for the majority of the week too.

 

But I'd say don't rush yourself. I think there's a lot to be said for actually doing nothing, sweet FA for a little while after all of this has happened. It takes a while to get your head around what TF just happened and how the land lies. You can slowly feel your emotions stabilise with time as you become better adjusted to your new reality.

 

For me, THEN is the time to do *****...to start moving forwards, forming new connections, doing new activities. A bit like a paratrooper who lands in an unknown area, I'd rather not just get up from the fall and run anywhere like a headless chicken, just because I feel I oughta do something. Think I'd prefer to settle down, find a safe, secure spot, lay low for a while and survey the territory before deciding how I move. There's a lot to be said for doing nothing. But that's just me.

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now i am trying to move on but i need contact with her regarding the kids but if i say anything or text im contacting her!. personally im destroyed like most people on here also she wants me to go to her parents for xmas dinner so i can see the kids open there presents but i cant as we did that for the last 12 years. im confused but not about her now she told her family that she hates me now, but i know she is still angry! maybe its denial i dont know. but i do miss her, she has started smoking which she blames on me and she now has facebook and has got in contact with old friends who she slagged off. but i will move on. but its hard

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Hi Yorkie, Its very very difficult to do NC, but keep going. Everyday is a battle with ourselves. I have nearly reached out so many times. I hit this forum when i am weak and re-read quite a few posts. Sometimes i will start a thread, if someone wants to reply they will. Everyone here has a different way of coping, focus on the kids. I neglected my daughter during my relationship and that was wrong. Of course i still want my ex back. These feelings will take a while. One day i want to feel like i dont need them at all. I am in London, Holland Park for most of the year and other times in Budapest. But we can chat if you want mate. I know how hard it is get out there and make new friends that are unconnected. Take care. Haydn.

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haydn thanks a lot mate i appreciate that. yeah just doing summat mad and making friends online will be good! get me out my comfort zone. is it wrong of me that im still holding out hope! i know deep down its over but yes you hear stories etc about people coming back after 6 months to a year. but then i might of moved on! tbh i think i need to fine some good friends who i can trust. i went out the other day and spent over £240 on new clothes thinking that would make me feel good which it did, she noticed that but i cant keep doing that! i am a true person and material things dont mean much to me. everyone says im better off i have the house and the kids but i also work full time as a support worker and tbh im finding the whole life tough i need a good night out! lol

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