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Broke up with her and now feel completely lost


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 26th October 2013, 6:41 PM   #1
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Broke up with her and now feel completely lost

I am now 22 and she is 20, we were together for 2 years and she was my first serious relationship. At the time, I broke up with my ex girlfriend because I felt like I just didnt love her anymore. I felt like I couldnt trust her, I'd even go and wait on her street to see if there wasnt a guy coming instead of a girl when she said she would be having her girl friend over, checking her text messages....etc. We slept together the first night we met and the second night we hungout she pretty much said to her friend in front of me that her ex had a big D**k. She also kind of cheated on her ex boyfriend, she says they were on a "break" while everyone else, including her friend says its not true, even so I feel like being on a break wouldnt justify sleeping with someone else like that. At first I didnt care about all this but as I began to love her my insecurities took over. I felt so suffocated as well as losing my sense of self towards the relationship. I tried communicating my issues to her but it was really hard. After so many months I just couldnt take it anymore and became unhappy with the relationship. So I broke it off but now its been a few months and I wanted to give it another chance, but she wont take me back.

Now im lost because I love her so much and I feel like I ruined a great opportunity with an awesome girl just because of my insecurities. I dont know how to get over her. any advice or past experiences would be appreciated.
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Old 26th October 2013, 6:45 PM   #2
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I just have one question: why do you want to date a cheater.
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Old 26th October 2013, 7:26 PM   #3
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Once a cheater, always a cheater! I just BU with one and I went through everything you are now going through but when I finally pulled my head out of the cloud I saw him for who he really was - a cheater and a douchebag! He never wanted to talk about the relationship because he wasn't interested in working on it. So all my insecurities intensified because he never tried to put me at ease. He was completely selfish, I was never a priority to him. I was just an option.

Stay NC and find someone who treats you with respect because you wouldn't have felt the way you did in the relationship had she treated you with proper respect.

Don't look back, you deserve better.
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Old 26th October 2013, 7:54 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jbr91 View Post
I am now 22 and she is 20, we were together for 2 years and she was my first serious relationship. At the time, I broke up with my ex girlfriend because I felt like I just didnt love her anymore. I felt like I couldnt trust her, I'd even go and wait on her street to see if there wasnt a guy coming instead of a girl when she said she would be having her girl friend over, checking her text messages....etc. We slept together the first night we met and the second night we hungout she pretty much said to her friend in front of me that her ex had a big D**k. She also kind of cheated on her ex boyfriend, she says they were on a "break" while everyone else, including her friend says its not true, even so I feel like being on a break wouldnt justify sleeping with someone else like that. At first I didnt care about all this but as I began to love her my insecurities took over. I felt so suffocated as well as losing my sense of self towards the relationship. I tried communicating my issues to her but it was really hard. After so many months I just couldnt take it anymore and became unhappy with the relationship. So I broke it off but now its been a few months and I wanted to give it another chance, but she wont take me back.

Now im lost because I love her so much and I feel like I ruined a great opportunity with an awesome girl just because of my insecurities. I dont know how to get over her. any advice or past experiences would be appreciated.
Stop being so insecure. You said you lost your "sense of self" that is the worst thing you could do.
Stop being jealous.
You've projected so much on to this girl, I dont think you can ever get with her again.

One thing that can all always help, is to have fun
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Old 27th October 2013, 4:05 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by headinthecloud View Post
Once a cheater, always a cheater! I just BU with one and I went through everything you are now going through but when I finally pulled my head out of the cloud I saw him for who he really was - a cheater and a douchebag! He never wanted to talk about the relationship because he wasn't interested in working on it. So all my insecurities intensified because he never tried to put me at ease. He was completely selfish, I was never a priority to him. I was just an option.

Stay NC and find someone who treats you with respect because you wouldn't have felt the way you did in the relationship had she treated you with proper respect.

Don't look back, you deserve better.

Yea but thats the thing, she really wanted it to work and she tried to work on us. At the beginning I pretty much taught her how to communicate and towards the end I just couldn't do it anymore. We were talking about a future life together (marriage, kids) and I feel like even though my insecurities happened, I couldve communicated it more effectively at the end. She definitely was very expressive of her love towards me, it may have just been a personality thing but i dont know.
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Old 27th October 2013, 4:14 AM   #6
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I feel like I also may be romanticizing our relationship, but its just so hard for me to see this whole situation including all the little daily things for what it really is.
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Old 27th October 2013, 6:53 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by headinthecloud View Post
Once a cheater, always a cheater! I just BU with one and I went through everything you are now going through but when I finally pulled my head out of the cloud I saw him for who he really was - a cheater and a douchebag! He never wanted to talk about the relationship because he wasn't interested in working on it. So all my insecurities intensified because he never tried to put me at ease. He was completely selfish, I was never a priority to him. I was just an option.

Stay NC and find someone who treats you with respect because you wouldn't have felt the way you did in the relationship had she treated you with proper respect.

Don't look back, you deserve better.
You make a great point here HIC...that really resonates with me: that in a healthy relationship your partner would pick up on your insecurities and be concerned about and invested in helping to ease them. Especially if their behaviour is playing a role in causing such insecurities. Some people maybe literally can't do this, and others probably can but don't care to. Either way...it's hard to form a relationship with such people.

OP...it seems to me like you were in one of those relationships where you were doing all of the communicational grunt work. Kinda being honest and open about your feelings and then, rather than her reciprocating naturally, you were having to "help her" and "coax her" to be honest and open with hers and to respond. In essence, you were carrying the burden of ensuring that communication channels remained fluid and open. That's not a one person job. And I know from experience that eventually it takes its toll on you. I don't think it can be sustained and you always get to the place you're now at.

What you did was valiant and persistent and noble. I'm sure you love her too. But...after some time to regroup, you're just feeling like maybe you can put in a bit more emotional grunt work...like maybe you actually did have a few more laps in the tank. Don't you think you'd probably just tire of it all again quite quickly?
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