Jump to content

Not coping very well.


Recommended Posts

Hi all,

 

I guess I'm not really asking for advice as such, but need to get this out.

 

Yesterday was one week since my ex and I last spoke. We both love each other very much, and we broke up because of a heap of outside influences. I miss her so much right now and all I can think about is contacting her. She asked me for about a month of perspective time which I am trying to give to her, it's just so hard to do. I've read about a lot of other people on this forum who have it worse off than I do, but I can't help feeling the way I do. It's like I'm holding back a tidal wave and I'm starting to get very tired. This past week everything has served as a reminder of her which is ripping me apart, when we broke up she said that she wants to be a better person so that if we are together she can love me without any baggage but that she isn't sure if we can be together again. She even said that if I find anyone else I shouldn't wait for her. I know this all sounds like a line but I know she means it, I promised that I would keep her emotions and thoughts private between us, which I will, but knowing her like I do and knowing the past that effects her I'm sure she means it.

 

I want her back so badly, and I miss her so much. She is my best friend and I need her so much right now. I'm going to keep my word and not contact her even if it kills me. She is such an amazing person, I want so much for her to be happy, I really hope it can be with me.

 

I want to say thank you to everyone here for being such great examples to me and everyone else who is hurting, especially blownaway, I think you are incredible!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

No, neither us ever treated the other badly. We were both considerate and loving. When she broke up with me she told me that I was perfect, the exact guy she has been looking for, but that she doesn't like herself never mind love herself and she needs to accept who she is before she can be in a relationship.

 

The other major reasons were that she is extremely independent and was scared that she was relying on me for her emotional and mental stability, she wants to be able to do things for herself and not rely on others, I myself and very depressed and she felt responsible for maintaining my happiness (although I never expected this of her), she is trying to deal with the demons from two bad past relationships, she is 21 and feels too young for the intensity of our relationship and the pressure was getting to her (everyone thought that we would be getting married including her), she has consistently had a boyfriend for the past three and a half years and wants to know if she can cope with being single (for a while at least), we are both working full time jobs and studying part time and the pressure of this was getting to her (especially since her boss is a complete a***hole).

 

There are, as I said, a lot of other personal stuff that I wont say because it wouldn't be fair to her, but it was nothing I ever did. She is an amazing, incredible, beautiful person but no matter how much I tell her this she wont see it in herself. I gave her everything I have to offer, and so did she. We are good for each other, everyone around us still thinks so but we essentially aren't ready to be together. We both need to grow first. I'm just finding being away from her very hard, I miss her both as my partner and my best friend.

Link to post
Share on other sites

RoboHobo, don't stop believing in yourself. You might not see this at the moment but you are coping admirably. You come across as a kind, articulate, caring man and if I, a stranger, can come to that conclusion then I'm pretty sure your ex will given time and space. I totally understand and sympathise with what you are going through. My wife was also my best friend and partner and being torn apart from her makes me feel like I have lost a limb. You summed it up so well when you compared it to holding back a tidal wave and you're starting to get very tired. It's been a little over 3 weeks since my wife walked out on me and although I am healing everyday my head still feels so numb. Going to work and talking to friends helps so much. I can even crack jokes about the situation and make people laugh but it's not easy. Do you have someone whom you can trust implicitly to talk about what you are going through? You don't have to talk about your ex, just talk about yourself and what you are experiencing. It really does help. Until this happened to me I thought I had experienced the extremes of every emotion there was in my relatively short life. The pain and sadness that hit me when my wife admitted to the affair and walked out of my life was so powerfull it was physical. My mind and body are still recovering from it now but it does get better. Please trust me when I say that this break will make you a stronger man. Be yourself and keep posting, you are helping so many other people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
teressa0397
Originally posted by RoboHobo

Hi all,

 

I guess I'm not really asking for advice as such, but need to get this out.

 

Yesterday was one week since my ex and I last spoke. We both love each other very much, and we broke up because of a heap of outside influences. I miss her so much right now and all I can think about is contacting her. She asked me for about a month of perspective time which I am trying to give to her, it's just so hard to do. I've read about a lot of other people on this forum who have it worse off than I do, but I can't help feeling the way I do. It's like I'm holding back a tidal wave and I'm starting to get very tired. This past week everything has served as a reminder of her which is ripping me apart, when we broke up she said that she wants to be a better person so that if we are together she can love me without any baggage but that she isn't sure if we can be together again. She even said that if I find anyone else I shouldn't wait for her. I know this all sounds like a line but I know she means it, I promised that I would keep her emotions and thoughts private between us, which I will, but knowing her like I do and knowing the past that effects her I'm sure she means it.

 

I want her back so badly, and I miss her so much. She is my best friend and I need her so much right now. I'm going to keep my word and not contact her even if it kills me. She is such an amazing person, I want so much for her to be happy, I really hope it can be with me.

 

I want to say thank you to everyone here for being such great examples to me and everyone else who is hurting, especially blownaway, I think you are incredible!

listen i no what you are going threw; my story is a little different then yours; i had an affair for 8 years now it is over i feel the same way you do; it is killing me but i no down deep inside i got to let go of him; i cry all the time; but i no it got to get worse before it gets better; so my friend you hang in there if its true love it will come home to you; good luck
Link to post
Share on other sites

You helped me a lot the other day, so the least I can do is respond to let you know I care. My own situation has improved. Giving my boyfriend space and pulling back made him realize how much he missed me, and last night we got back together again.

 

I cannot stress enough that the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is really true. No contact is really the best way to go. Chances are, you're imagining the worst that could happen, where in reality she could be missing you. Please stick to what you're doing. Focus on yourself. Another thing I did was go swimming when my boyfriend broke up with me. At one point I sat in the water (shallow, of course) and meditated, closing my eyes and feeling the rhythm of the water, realizing that I needed to let it guide me and trust that I would be alright. You need to do the same thing here. You need to have faith that things will work out as they are meant to.

 

If she's meant for you, she will come back. If she doesn't love you enough to come back, or if (and this is unlikely) she finds someone else, then you really wouldn't want her anyway. Sometimes the greatest love you can give someone is to set them free. You really deserve your own love at this point, and I do hope you turn your attention inward, and start taking care of who should be the most important person in your life...you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel. I have tried to leave this man that I am with and the hurt was so unbearable that we had to contact eachother but it is always the same continous cycle and are relationship keeps getting even more scarred. If you love her, respect her wishes and the hurt will slowly go away. Be strong, take advice and move on. If it is meant to be let the pain heal and start fresh.

 

Regards,

Liss

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you all for your kind words and support, it has really helped me to keep sane for the past week and a half. I will keep on trying to be strong, your advice is good, carrying it out is the hard part.

 

Pained, I am so incredibly happy for you. Congratulations, I really hope that you and he will be happy together. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Robohobo, hang in there mate and stick to your plan ... sounds like your g/f needs to realise that life is about eventually letting your guard down and letting someone in.... the right person hopefully will be you, lets hope she realises that soon enough.

 

Either way whats best for the both of you will happen.

 

Keep on the forums and keep us updated. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Robohobo, hang in there mate and stick to your plan ... sounds like your g/f needs to realise that life is about eventually letting your guard down and letting someone in.... the right person hopefully will be you, lets hope she realises that soon enough.

 

Either way whats best for the both of you will happen.

 

keep us updated. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...