Emma1234 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Just been told by a mutual friend that my ex has slept with someone else and has been mentioning it on the sly. I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok. I've cried it out with a close friend of mine and I think I'm ok. Just hurt and shocked again. Does anyone have any words that will help me when I wake up and remember? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleDemon Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 It takes time but you will get over it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 What kind of "friend" would relay that information? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 You are not ok. Its not ok to feel this way. I feel this way, And its not ok. It will cut so deep and the fact that they put it around for you to find out.....Means they are not what they were you beieved them to be when you were together. Its ok to feel crushed, in fact i think it will help. Its terrible to hear these things. But if they cared or loved you. It wouldnt happen. But it did. Keep writing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Yeah I find it odd a friend would say that. I'm going to imagine you found that info out yourself by looking up information. Either way, of course that's going to happen. It will with you too when you finally move on from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emma1234 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Someone who made a mistake. I've made it clear now I don't want to hear anything again. They apologized. Just painful. He's over me completely. He's moving ok. I'm trying, wow am I trying. I just feel second best, unloved, inferior but mostly hurt. Where has the guy who loved me with everything gone? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Stealth3 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 This is why you keep NC and you stay NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emma1234 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 I didn't look for this information, I completely trust no contact which includes not hearing about him but it was the first time I'd seen this friend since the break up, they are quite close to him, and they made the comment that 'oh I hear he has been saying on the sly that he's sleeping with someone else, how're you doing' type thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emma1234 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 I know I honestly trust no contact, it has saved me so much. It was a genuine mistake on my friends part. I firmly told him I don't want to know anything. I just want to know how to cope with this extra bit of pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I know I honestly trust no contact, it has saved me so much. It was a genuine mistake on my friends part. I firmly told him I don't want to know anything. I just want to know how to cope with this extra bit of pain. I'm so sorry to hear about this, Emma. I know it must hurt a lot. The best advice I can offer is to be EXTRA, super nice to yourself right now. That means things that sound cheesy but are actually very smart, like buying yourself flowers or a hot chocolate, taking a bubble bath, hanging out with friends, watching movies, etc. Also, come here and rant and vent as much as you want. You WILL get through this. Sending hugs and sympathy, M. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleDemon Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Just keep busy doing things that make you happy and spend time with people who love you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 you go to clubs pick up a hot guy and sleep with him and spread the news as you get a new bf. wonder how that makes him feel? point it things aren't exactly like what you see . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 It's just a bump in the road. You will get through. Just allow yourself the feel hurt, and then keep moving on, NC. You deserve to be happy, and you will be. Hopefully your friend will respect your wishes and not tell you anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Ireallydontknow Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 It happens, you cannot expect a person to never sleep with another person again could you? Just start picturing them doing it ASAP to get it out of the way. My ex is probably taking it right now as I typed this out. I hope he enjoys my used play things. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I mean, it sucks, but you didn't expect them to be celibate forever did you? I'm different in this respect, but the thought of my ex hooking up with randoms didn't bother me at all. I was hooking up with people right after she broke with me (basically to try to mask my hurt). At that point, I would have been more hurt to hear about my ex going wine-tasting or on some sort of fun, dating activity than I would have been about hearing that she met some dude at a bar and let him f*ck her brains out. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Someone who made a mistake. I've made it clear now I don't want to hear anything again. They apologized. Just painful. He's over me completely. He's moving ok. I'm trying, wow am I trying. I just feel second best, unloved, inferior but mostly hurt. Where has the guy who loved me with everything gone? You need to stop doing that right now! You have self worth! You are NOT inferior to him or anyone else! The fact that your hurting now shows that you are capable of loving and caring for someone and you're also capable of feeling pain and sadness. You're human! But you need to pick yourself up! Dust yourself off! And start making positive changes in your life! Get a new wardrobe! Something classy yet sexy. Get a makeover and a new hairstyle the people are going to notice and like! You want people to say, "DAMN GIRL!!! You look smokin hot!!!" This is going to help your self confidence. Eat clean and get plenty of sleep. Go to the gym! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push some weight. Join a spin class or a zumba class. Work on getting that hot sexy bod! Plus, this will help you burn off the stress and frustrations you're having right now. Grab some girlfriends and go on a trip. Get into new surroundings and have fun. Have a blast! What happened with Ex is over. That chapter in your life is closed. And do you know what? HIS LOSS!!! And you can take solace in the knowledge that he now probably has herpes. You'll get through this, look forward and get motivated to make those positive changes for yourself! Trust me! It works!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartInPieces Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Emma1234, I can completely relate to what you are going through. I don't know what, if anything, to say to make you feel better other than letting you know that you aren't alone. That seems to help me, somewhat. I found out less than a month ago that my ex girlfriend had slept with someone else since she broke up with me in July. She told me herself during a phone conversation! The girl I had made love to and shared so many moments with for five years had been intimate with someone else. I was devestated. Why would she tell me that? To make me move on, I suppose. But I think that's pretty cruel. Just stop talking to me would have been best I think. Don't pour salt into my wound. Partly a mistake on my part by keeping in contact with her, but it ****ing hurt like hell. I could barely eat for two days. I felt sick. How could she move on so quickly? Did nothing we had for five years matter to her anymore? I guess in my mind there was still a chance for us to get back together, but this seemed like the final straw. It doesn't hurt as much to think about it now but it still bothers me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I know the feeling, it's like being punched in the gut. It completely takes all of the wind out of your sails and you want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I was embarrassed, hurt, beaten and most of all, worn out. 5 years together and then three works later she was sleeping with a friend of mine, like I never meant a thing. At that point I decided I had had enough. I poured my heart and soul into working out. I started working on my personality and being nicer to everyone I came in contact with. The more and more I focused on myself the less time I had to worry about what she was doing. I'll be honest I still have rough days but I think we all do? It's going to be hard and you've got a battle ahead but you need to prove you're worth it by taking this challenge head on. You can do it, we've all got your back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rickz2009 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 This happened to me two tears ago with a ex, it hurts and it does take time to heal but believe me something better will come along and you will loom back at this and not give a **** anymore good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I always vote for imagining the worst. YES they are ****ing someoned else YES they are more in love with that person than you YES they enjoy it and have great orgasms YES they will do all the thing you did and go to all the cool places you went ecetera Imagine this.. cry your eyes out and tell your self IT IS OVER repeatedly. Totaly mourn the loss. After hours of crying for days soon you get desensitized to the idea of them getting nailed by a new person. Just dive in deep to the pain!!!!! This technique hepled me a lot. It gets hard to stay upset over it after a while. Cav 4 Link to post Share on other sites
headinthecloud Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I didn't look for this information, I completely trust no contact which includes not hearing about him but it was the first time I'd seen this friend since the break up, they are quite close to him, and they made the comment that 'oh I hear he has been saying on the sly that he's sleeping with someone else, how're you doing' type thing. That is not a true friend, whoever they are they obviously are gossipy and not to be trusted. Terrible thing to say. He/she was looking for a reaction out of you. I'm sorry that this happened. All the more reason to focus on you and have faith in your next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseNThorns Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 You still have feelings for your EX and you knew that your EX moved on. It HURTS. But isn't it beautiful when you find a person who reciprocates the same love you have on them? Why do you even want to think about a person who has moved on and happily enjoying his own life? Let him be!!! You DESERVE much better!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emma1234 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Thank you everyone, these were the first things i read when I woke up and you guys gave me a reason to smile. It hurts a lot and i could analyse everything until I don't know what I'm thinking anymore but i'm sick of doing that. It's over. The person I loved, and who DID love me very deeply for most of the relationship, is gone. He has changed. Everyone has said so, even him. This is what he wanted. To be single, to 'find himself'. You guys warned me that 'finding himself' probably meant this but I couldn't believe it. I thought I knew him. He is just a young adult wanting to explore his options, spread his 'wild oats' and act like a bit of a player while he can. Sadly I am not like that. I am not interested in purely physical relationships. I am the sort of person who falls in love deeply and enjoys that connection more than the distance that comes with just sex. Sure, it's right for some people and good for them! But I like how I am, I like being able to love someone with everything and I will not change that for him. This break up was beyond my control. He wanted out to be single so that he could do this. He is not the loving, caring guy that I knew anymore. I just have to get over the past memories now and realise he won't be like that again. We were young when we met, people change a lot when they're a young adult. Sadly he changed in a way that I never thought possible whereas I went the other way. Not only is he undeserving of my love but i am better than this. I do no deserve this just because I loved someone with my everything and would have given him the world. I. am. better. than. this. And one day someone is going to realise this and truly cherish me. This will happen to us all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 One thing my father taught me is that if you treat a girl with kindness, love and respect; then, you're going to get that back from her and a lot more! Your Ex has to learn that. He's still immature and doesn't know what the hell he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emma1234 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 immature. I think you hit the nail on the head! Link to post Share on other sites
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