Did the right thing so why do I feel this way.

[Procrasti]

This is my first post and it comes after a week of being sick. Under normal circumstances , I would go to my best friend and we would deal with whatever it was . That can't happen now as you will see below and I have nowhere to turn ( friends and family are there but , no one I can talk to about this ) So here I am .

 

I live travelling ( as in months away every few years ) and I have a place in the sun .

My now EX doesn't like the sun and doesn't like adventure type travelling ( sleeping bags vs 4 star hotels with swimming pools ) .

 

This meant that when we first met we knew we were not likely to be long term but we still got together .

 

So five years later we were together and every few months "it" would rear its head" We would talk about how this was not going anywhere" and it is not enough for her and etc.

The reason we didn't break up permanently over it was that we we so good together when we were together.

 

This time after a 4 month trip across a continent ,I returned we decided to get together again ( we regularly split but neither go elsewhere and were always in daily contact) and decided that things have to be different .

 

I said that as far as I am concerned this is enough BUT I care too much about her to allow her to carry on as she has needs that I will not be able to fill.

 

So she actively started to look for someone more suited.

 

a few weeks ago she started to chat to someone and told me .

last weekend we had a weekend away and as usual had a faboulus time but this time it included her being in constant contact with newguy .

 

Obviously it hurt but I told her she has to do what's right and finding a full time boyfriend with a future is the right thing.

 

We both went home on Sunday afternoon and I wished her well and we split .

 

Thats where for me things have fallen apart.

 

she went on a date the same night ( she had held of meeting him in person for two weeks) and the next and the next and by Friday was staying over at his place )

All the time keeping me informed of what's going on .

 

the Me who wants to be her best friend forever want her to be happy and to be honest this guy seems like gold . And I do not want to lose her as my best friend.

 

The Me that is her ex wants to scratch thier names on two ebola filled bullets and go a hunting

 

The Me that is on my head won't stop feeling sick. I just want to cry ( something I have never done in public but did at a traffic jam yesterday)

 

I truly want her to be happy but I never want to lose my BFF / lucky 8 ball decider / joke tester but this hurts.

 

I have written this out for my self before ( 3am this morning ) but it won't progress so I have shared it out there with real people to see if that makes a difference.

 

procr

[Procrasti]

I spoke ( by text ) to her today about how I am handling this and felt so good after . 3 hrs on I feel as sick as I have for the last week. This has got to give . !

[melell]

This is so hard, two people spend enough time together, and they bond with each other, but those incompatibilities remain. It sucks, I know how you feel.

 

I hate to say it, but you have lost those things that you loved. It just doesn't work the way where you keep those connections and remain best friends, and this is the hardest part.

 

This is the 'loss' everyone goes through with break ups. Something has died, and that is the reality of it.

 

It will take awhile for you to feel better about this, give it some time. You may be able to move on while still being close to her, but chances are you will need to walk away to get through it.

[Criticality]

You gotta cut the contact, and you know it...

 

If you ever want to have a chance with her as just a friend, you gotta lose touch with her for a good 6 months to a year. Otherwise you'll never have the time and space to reframe how you think of her, and turn her into a friend.

 

If you stay in touch, she'll only keep hurting your feelings. That you can't just turn off or change overnight, and you'll end up resenting her.

 

Btw: Standup comedian?

[Procrasti]

Me comedian? No. But told I'm very funny. Funny looking.

 

I have read a few posts on here about NC and just can't imagine it. One person I spoke to today told me she did that . But she had a new guy who was already taking care of her emotional needs.

 

I have no one. My Ex was my best friend ( stupid thing to do. )

 

My idea is to let this pain ease of and occupy my time with other things like getting better work, getting fit, eating better and taking up Yoga. I obviously will have less and less contact as time goes on and when I start dating again, everything will be OK. We will be friends. Just good friends.

She is OK to play it any way I choose including NC as she knows how broken I am. Its just me.

procr

[Procrasti]

Just as an update.

 

I did a bad thing.

 

I was borrowing my Ex wifes ( ex of 10 years) and got into a pointless argument which was totally my fault.

 

Not sure where this level of anger comes from, but I pulled up the parking break while she was driving and jumped out of the car.

It was a stupid dangerous and unfair thing to do but. I did it .

I then walked home 4 miles in tears, it was dark and I avoided buses etc so allowed myself fully ) . Got home and slept. I apologised profusely to the ex wife who had every right to never speak to me again, her response was a rant a paragraph long and willing to lend me her car.

 

The reason for this post? I am no longer angry. It was not the way to do it, my ex wife should not have suffered for issues that are between me and my ex girlfriend. But it made a difference. .

 

I still hurt and still have episodes of intense sadness, but they are now less than half the day, much less when busy. I'm not yet looking forward to anything but am looking back less and that to me is progress.